Author Topic: Riding the ox  (Read 4979 times)

guest306

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #180 on: November 15, 2016, 04:36:46 pm »
Hi Jed,

No need to feel done anymore.
Or become enlightenend.
Why?
Because of the clarity that trying to get there is not going to get you there? Well, no...While that is true and something I've said before, it is not quite what I mean to say now.
It is more like I realize that there is no 'there' one can go to.
Why not?
All 'theres' '  that I've tried, including the really spiritual ones, are b.s.
In my experience they are, utterly phoney. They all demand some degree of mental warping and constant maintenance and are therefore not true.
This simple experience has now pertruded my being in such a way that all desire to look or seek has ceased.

So. There is no there, no done, no enlightenment. There is only the end of seeking.

And confusion, yes, there is also confusion.

Love Marcel
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Jed McKenna

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #181 on: November 15, 2016, 10:40:36 pm »
 ;) ;) ;)

guest306

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #182 on: November 21, 2016, 08:12:15 am »
Allright Jed,

So where has this all lead me?
I've reached nothing, discovered nothing.
I've truly come up empty handed so far.
I can't even say, like those advaita people always say, that there is no one to do or say anything, or that everything is one - well, not two...
Only thing I can answer to most questions people would ask me is: I don't know.

Questions: who are you? Answer: I don't know.
Question: What was your original face before your parents were born? Answer I don't know.
Question: what is enlightenment. Answer: I don't....second thought...maybe enlightenment just means that you've lost a lot of b.s. Which, I can tell ya, can be a great relief. But from my experience, it doesn't mean a lot more than that.

I've just come to realize that the way I am writing this down implies that I'm  dissapointed in what all this truth seeking has yielded.
And I think in a way it is a great dissapointment...which is also a nice definition of enlightenment now that I think about it (enlightenment is..the great dissilussionment)
But some part of me is also relieved. Relieved of not having to put up a big show, to waste energy maintaining something that is basically untrue.
And then there is an insecure part which thinks it isn't there yet, which says that there is still a way to go...maybe it is also sheer habit producing these thoughts, I don't know. All I know is that every time I think that spiritual realization should be something else/more...I quickly realize that in order to maintain that thought I have to b.s. myself. And this is something I am no longer willing to do...
The rest is silence.

Love,

Marcel

guest306

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #183 on: November 25, 2016, 04:57:22 am »
Hi Jed,

I wanted to post today, although these past few days have been quite uneventful.
Nothing new is coming up. Some of the old stuff is, but it al passes without leaving so much as a wrinkle really.

The tendency to search, compare, get it, surfaces from time to time, but never for long. I don't invest in it. I don't ignore it either.

Thinking has reduced. There are more moments now when there is just an alive , energetic stillness and space. I won't say this is who or what I am, or that I am nothingness. It feels phoney and unnecessary to do so. But it does feel completely at home. And so does everything appearing in this stillness. Guess you could call this oneness, but you know, why would I. It feels like stretching for something.
Falling, you could say, has become more of a gliding or hovering (just a metaphor not an experience).
There will be turbulent times. I have no doubt about that. Even now there a lots of times when stillness is not felt, when there is doubt, anger, impatience, etc.
But this is not a problem. It is all appearing and in no way worse or different than when nothing much is appearing.
I still don't know if I'm done. Guess this desire to be done means I'm not..on the other hand it could also be some lingering remnant of a habit. Something that has to die out by itself. Any thoughts on this?

Love Marcel

Jed McKenna

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #184 on: November 25, 2016, 05:34:33 am »
Hi Marcel:

Thoughts??? Further...

Love ya, Jed

guest306

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #185 on: November 25, 2016, 06:36:36 am »
Ha,ha, should have known.
Allright, further it is.

Love,

Marcel

Jed McKenna

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #186 on: November 25, 2016, 07:34:03 pm »
 ;) ;) ;)

guest306

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #187 on: November 26, 2016, 04:48:04 pm »
Dear Jed,

So I've listened and payed attention for anything  that was coming up since I last wrote you.
And I found myself going back an forth between the vacuum of not knowing/stillness and the fulness of distracted thinking.
 " Maya seems to abhor a vacuum", I thought, and then I put this thought aside. For while it rings true, it is basically untrue. Maya is a metaphor for anything that is not true, not a thing.

All I can say is that not knowing/falling/stillness and distracted thinking (grasping actually) alternate. And that is that.
Any other conclusion requires at least a small amount of effort and therefore cannot be true.....
So I'm afraid I have little news to tell you....
Maybe that is the point of it all...
Who knows...
Guess I'll have to wait and see.

Love Marcel

Jed McKenna

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #188 on: November 26, 2016, 11:20:05 pm »
 ;) ;) ;) :P :P ::) ;D

guest306

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #189 on: November 29, 2016, 05:55:35 pm »
Dear Jed,

I have just been listening to Bernadette Roberts. I did not know who she was before yesterday but through a short chain of coincidental events, with one of the chains being one of her quotes in your notebook, I happened to stumble upon her.
Although I find it hard to pinpoint what it was I got from listening to her, I think hearing what she had to say was just what I needed now. Her story was very recognizable to me and made me realize even more than I did a few posts ago, that I am no longer doing all of this truth stuff to find something, or to reach enlightenment. I'm doing this for its own sake. It is a relief to drop things, or you could also say, I am just not invested in persuing many of the things I used to pursue and not having to pursue them is a reward in itself.
I'm not trying to attain lofty goals or be who I am not, More and more I'm just being (human). And this is quite nice.

Love Marcel

Jed McKenna

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #190 on: November 30, 2016, 03:22:14 am »
Sounds excellent.

Love ya, Jed

guest306

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #191 on: December 12, 2016, 05:43:10 pm »
Hi Jed,

I am between worlds.
Every day there is thoughts about death. Much of the time my body actually feels like it's about to die.
Still..I am here, although not quite.
Hence the 'between worlds' image.
I feel I should lay all Jed terminology aside. So no TR, SA, HA and all of that. This should be my path, only suited for me, although I still think I'm not done posting here. I value what you have to say and you have kept me on the straight and narrow on more than one occasion. I guess I can still use that.

Love Marcel

Jed McKenna

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #192 on: December 12, 2016, 10:11:35 pm »
Discard everything... well, keep your guitar... but discard all you beliefs, they are made up.. start small if you like, but just see them in truth... they are stories and meaningless, absolutely devoid of meaning until you believe them and assign some.

Love ya, Jed.

guest306

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #193 on: December 13, 2016, 12:29:21 am »
How did you know about the guitar?  ;)
The discarding of beliefs I get. As you know there has been a lot of that going on.
Now I am at a point where most everything I think or belief is seen to be flimsy, built on quicksand. This is not something that happens after thorough investigation, but something that is seen immediatly. After seeing their flimsiness, the beliefs collide like a house of cards, and sometimes all that remains is 'being'. (Not always though) But, as I said, I am still here. Between worlds.

Love Marcel

Jed McKenna

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Re: Riding the ox
« Reply #194 on: December 13, 2016, 05:31:46 am »
Remember... it's all play with only one possible goal... entertainment, and even that is made up. Just another story. Bleak doesn't begin to describe it, yet full to overflowing doesn't either.

Love ya, Jed.