Hi Jed,
First of all I should mention that I was dragged kicking and screaming for most of the unwinding that has taken place. The ego (I kinda hate that term for all its misleading connotations, but hey, it seems appropriate now) did not want this waking up business at all. It resisted it with everything it got, but nonetheless here I am, despite myself. Still not quite there yet, but with my 'first step' well behind me.
At this point I'm starting to let the ox do the riding, while keeping my eyes and ears open, not even wanting to interfere too much with what is happening. Mainly, just trying to be honest to myself to the best of my ability.
I don't really have a question. Most questions have disappeared. So, I have no real reason to post a message other than To say hey, and maybe go back and forth about some things if that's ok.
I should also mention that in the past six months I have had a few private talks with someone who is fully awake and who also has some fully awake students to show for. He has been a very helpfull iconoclast indeed. But still, I would like this opportunity to speak to you.
There has been more and more silence (I find that silence is the answer asking questions brings me to) and an ever decreasing sense of a someone who is doing things. Choices are being made all the time and like the oracle said in the matrix I no longer feel it is not my place to make choices but rather my place to understand the choices that were made. I, for instance, know that I am not an interested, caring therapist (I work in mental health care) as I once liked to think. The truth is that some of the the time It takes considerable effort to care and be interested which offcourse means that interested and caring is not who I really am. This realisation is not a choice I made. It is just a truth I am now aware of (this is the understanding part).
Kind regards,
Marcel