Author Topic: *shrugs*  (Read 1483 times)

Maya

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*shrugs*
« on: December 21, 2017, 06:20:38 am »
The universe really is a baby having fun. ( i dont remember how you phrased it jed,thats if you are the actual jed mckenna). I had been distracting myself by thinking i needed a teacher or guide or someone/something to tell me whether im doing the right thing, headed the right way. The universe answered me obviously by ridiculing me. It wasnt until yesterday/today when I decided to kill all the teachers (including you jed, not sorry) and stop reading any more books that I somehow got to this forum.
Anywho, I'm guessing this is somewhere I can do SA in peace ( ive been writiing shiz down even before I read your books jed but its so much easier to type it out ) with a little guidance if needed.

My SA started with me writing about myself and the thoughts I have through out the day. Usually any guilt or fear or self-importance experience. Then I usually try and figure out the root cause, usually a past experience. Now i'm starting to question the validity of my conclusions. If thought is false, how can i use the same thoughts to dissect what truth is? Is there another method of knowing other than thought? A knowing that only cimes about through a silencing of the internal dialogue?

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Jed McKenna

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2017, 11:10:44 am »
Hi there:

Welcome to the forum. Glad you stop reading books because most of them are full of silly new age nonsense... in my not-very-humble opinion.

If you are going to do S/A and are serious about it, I suggest you write it out by hand, in ink. Digital is just not as effective.

As I read the balance of you post, I realized that you are not doing S/A at all. Yes, there is another way of knowing but it is beyond explanation. If you are serious about S/A, then write something that is true... try it and let me now how it goes.

Love ya, Jed


Maya

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2017, 05:18:45 pm »
hmm ok, something true. I can say it is true that im typing this right now. How do I know? Well, my hand is pressing certain buttons on the keyboard and as a result there are characters appearing on the screen. How do I know its my hand? I can see it and im the one controlling it . How do i know im controlling it? well... uh because it's through my own volition that i'm typing this. whos volition now? mine? whos that?

And that brings me to the who am I question? My honest answer atm is IDK. Am I my thoughts? opinions? experiences? memories? If I remove all of that, nothing remains...
I dont want to give the obvious answer: "i" dont exist. While I understand this intellectually, I havent felt this in my bones and in each cell.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2017, 05:34:03 pm by Maya »

Maya

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2017, 07:26:06 pm »
During my younger teenage years I started questioning everything that was shoved down my throat. Then i got rid of them: religion,politics,  morality, love, social roles etc. I thought I was done and I had removed all the baggage so i took a 2 year "break". I didnt want to post anything about my background because I pity myself for taking that break when i could've achieved so much during that period. Anyway, I thought it may be useful so whatever. Now that im looking deeper, I see a lot of fear, guilt, regret, anger, jealousy, insecurity etc. I still have demons to purge.

Why do I have these feelings? Is it the feelings or the attachment to the idea that I shouldnt have these feelings? While i'm practising to be aware whenever they come up, that doesnt stop them from coming up later again. Is it because i still believe in an "I" that experiences these feelings? Should i keep on being mindful of these feelings and try to root them down? hm

Maya

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2017, 06:42:12 am »
who am i ? perhaps i should start with who i am not. am i something physical? my body? but thats always changing. if i have no legs or arms, i wont feel less me. 2million cells are replaced every second so can i call something thats non-permanent me? how about what i do? my various roles? nah, i know theyre all scripted and theres an I that takes it too seriously sometimes. how about my thoughts? Those as well are always changing but i seem to react to these thoughts. "i'm ugly" echoes in my head and i react with insecurity. so am i just a product of my thoughts? what ae thoughts composed of? experiences, which are all in the past. so essentially thoughts are memories on replay so am i nothing more than memories? If i get into a car accident, with my guts splattered and my head damaged, and i lose all my memories, what happens to me? well, idk, i dont have any memory of losing all my memories... but what acc changes about me ?
when thoughts pop up ( where the hell do they come from) and im aware of it, attaching no importance to it, who's aware of it? Are there 2 I's? the observed and the observer? do I own my thoughts? who owns now? i dont feel any substance in the observer. Theres no-thing that makes up the observer? so am i the observer. the observed, none or both? HUH

Jed McKenna

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2017, 08:54:49 am »
Your going to have to realize that yourself(s).

Love ya, Jed

Maya

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2017, 07:28:03 am »
supposed truth : I am angry.

Once aware of this anger, it stops, fades away like the illusion it is. The anger is just a programmed response; a pattern repeated on. In "observer mode" the anger disappears. This goes for all emotions and feelings. I'm not angry, i just... am.  I see why jed calls it no-self. Its just consciousness.

I've always wondered what bill hicks meant by "...we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively..." I stumbled upon this other quote and got it instantly " I am the background that sees in all of us". This consciousness, this " I am", everyone is it but thoughts create a separation. But then how do I know that this consciousness is the same as john's or jeds? I just knew somehow. Words are a curse and a blessing so this is my attempt at explaining it .

Nothing can be more nothing than nothing. There are 2 cups of diff sizes with nothing inside. the larger cup isnt emptier than the smaller one. theyre just both empty. the same emptiness. ok so how about me and a table? are we separate? living and non-living are just concepts and labels. "...all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration.." reduced to its purest form everything is energy ( thoughts are apparently energy too but I dont get how thats possible. will look into that next) so the table and i are both energy. the table doesnt think ( i think ) so its in constant no-self just like my no-self and your no-self.

idk if my description is clear but it all made sense to me. I'm also yet to grasp the observed\observer thing.  Further.

Jed McKenna

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2017, 08:41:55 am »
There are no cups.... hm....

Love ya, Jed.

Maya

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2017, 11:36:57 pm »
the cups represent the physical body. Are you saying theres no physical body?

Or theres no one that owns the body? hm

Jed McKenna

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2017, 01:27:13 am »
The only thing that tells you, or anyone, that there is a body is a fiction... just a story based on memories, hearsay and senses. All of those are of highly questionable authority. Yes, from within the dream of humanness there does appear to be a body, but that is only an appearance. From the perspective of Truth, it is just an appearance and of no consequent at all.

I suggest you focus on what the appearance of the human arises in, what is the context?

Love ya, Jed.

Maya

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2017, 05:08:35 am »
sorry, i dont understand your question. what the appearance of the human arises in? what is the context?

Jed McKenna

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2017, 06:12:49 am »
The coke is the content and the bottle is the context. You are the content, now what is the context (background) that you are appearing within?

Just gently contemplate that.

Love ya, Jed.
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Maya

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #12 on: December 26, 2017, 01:00:46 am »
There is no observer. My thoughts just tell me that someone is doing the thinking but theres no one. nothing. so if the observer doesnt exist, does the observed? A tree falls but theres no one there to witness it. Does it make a sound? does it even fall? Heck, Is there even a tree? I dont know. I cant know.

I've been feeling detached from my body lately. I thought this can only happen with emotions but it happens with the physical as well. Thought says im cold. my attention moves to my skin and I feel vibrations but not a coldness. Cold and hot are just labels to differentiate vibrations it seems. perhaps theres no I to label it as this or that.

Back to the cup. The senses cant be trusted. Neither can "i". So there might not actually be a cup. However, i cant seem to find any evidence that there ISNT a cup. Whether there's a cup or not, i dont know. who cares? im thirsty.

Maya

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #13 on: December 26, 2017, 09:46:05 pm »
is it just me or is this whole biz just the self trying to uncover the self? isn't that futile?

i observed this when i had to think to myself to be aware. hm

Jed McKenna

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Re: *shrugs*
« Reply #14 on: December 27, 2017, 05:43:19 am »
Of course it's futile, hopeless, a waste of precious time, the folly of fools... but that's just Maya/ego b.s. You're going to do it anyways so, get to it! Further.

Love ya, Jed.