I read a post from you that struck a nerve with me. About how women are usually the ones initiating a break up.
My girlfriend is much more of a 'success', then I am. That doesn't really bother me. A lot of that comes from me following this stupid path I guess. I small part of me worries that she one day 'has had enough' of my direction in life. I've never had a really long relationship before, seems so crazy to separate from the person you've loved for years. Rationally, I know I would be fine, but emotionally, it brings tears to my eyes. It's basically the one secure, stable thing in my life. If our relationship ended, my life and universe would change. Something lonelier. At least at first. This is just ranting btw. I fear it mostly in an 'imagine if' scenario. But everything stable can't be that stable. It's an illusion. I guess I'm trying to challenge it a bit. I do have an intense love for this woman. I doesn't always show it, but to me she's the greatest thing in the world. My heart lies between her and the yearning for truth.
I love her, love her, love her, but the more I find myself, the less needy the love is. I'm grateful and open to whatever life brings me. In the non neediness and the openness lies total control.