INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Thanks Jed.

I have a sore throat today, and I'm wondering if the solution to emotions (attention), applies to illness as well. If there's pain arising, isn't that a call for attention? I was wondering if you could share your two cents on how to deal with illness. I know it's sort of off topic, so just ignore it if you don't think this is appropriate here.

There is something crazy about being aware. Trying to understand it is mind boggling. Awareness is my nature. Awareness is nature. Self awareness. Who is aware? The world stops. What's there to look at?  Awareness is all. There is no one to find. Look in every direction, in all aspects of reality. Awareness is all you can find.

Still, the ego looks for something special. There is no ego, and there is nothing special. It doesn't listen. "I am not satisfied. I need to find it." Exhausting. It's like being in a bad dream sometimes. Actually, it's exactly like being in a bad dream. So what do I do? There's nothing I can find. It's the seeking itself that is the cloud in front of the sun. The seeking happens automatically. I'm not talking about spiritual seeking. I'm talking about seeking as a way of life. Wanting. Discontent. Saying no. Placing importance on the character. Why is this 'part' of self more important than others? If I am everything and everyone, why do I place special importance on 'this' character? Is that not the very obstacle for a natural, flowing life? How can I dislike some parts of myself and prefer others? How can I dislike something or someone? They are me. Do I want to dislike? Do I want to feel hate? Do I want to invite that to my life? ... Do I want to invite lack? Is that what I want to experience? Why 'want' to experience anything? It just reinforces the lack. Who wants? Ignorant thoughts. I don't want, because I can't want.

I feel drawn to go back to inquiry. To real inquiry. Contemplation. Emotional work is still necessary as well. Also, had a bad habit that took unnecessary time and energy. Feels good to have moved it out of the house. Why make it harder than it has to?

I had a very interesting experience just now. I was waking up, well rested. For some reason I decided to watch the breath for a while. Just see what could happen. I haven't done much breath-watching, but it just felt appealing.

Eventually, I became very relaxed and just decided to lean into this peacefulness. Deeper relaxation followed, the whole body was enjoying itself, although I wasn't paying much attention to that. Being a "spiritual seeker", there's always a tape playing in the background: 'you should inquire', 'perhaps this could lead somewhere', 'if you do this correctly, maybe you'll get something out of this meditation'. So I thought, 'how about I just let that go and just stay with and enjoy this?'  And then it dawned on me - those previous thoughts are the very hinderance to peace! To reality. Always looking ahead. Truth is NOW. There's nothing to get about it, you just have to let go of the obstacles. It's ALWAYS available. It's incredible subtle. You wouldn't think something like 'this' would be here 'right now'. Just stop looking for it. It's already here.

Enjoyed your post on letting go. Asking if I want to hold on to this, feels much more powerful than asking can I let it go. If it's here, It's  because I somehow want it to be there in some way or another. Letting go of something you actually want to be there won't work. Asking deeply what it gives you to hold on to it feels like a way in - trying to letting go feels like trying to escape.

And it reminds me how silly it is that I hold on to these things: 'Why do I still believe this; why do I still feed and manifest this reality?' 'Why do I hold on to it so tight??' 'Who would I be without it?'

Not everybody is feeling judged bs in a given situation. It's not a mandatory, necessary feeling. It's not a true belief or a feeling. Why hold on to it so tight? How does it feel to do it...?

I see more clearly than ever that I am completely manifesting my reality. Every bad little thing happens because of some dumb belief (lack, jealousy, anger, shame). Just see what is causing something, and inquire about it. What is it that I'm holding on to??

Something happened yesterday that made my girlfriend pretty upset with me. Today, we went for a long walk before we had ‘solved’ the issue. The tension was pretty thick. We didn’t speak much. Pretty uncomfortable.

I thought a lot about ‘letting go’ vs ‘holding on’. How I was holding on to thoughts that make me miserable. I noticed how my mind wanted to ‘solve the situation’, but it was my mind’s constant racing and wanting that made the problem even exist. Time is the great solver of any problem. I don’t have to worry about it too much. My trust in time has grown a lot. But when I was observing this from a new angle, I saw how much and how subtly I am not trusting. So the key is to become thoroughly sick with what you hold on to…?

You won’t let go of something before you really realize that you don’t want it. So watching your attachments and how they make you suffer is how to let them go naturally…

Was inspired by someone's post to try a new technique:

Sat and became still. Then brought up a some memories, light first, then bigger and heavier. Looked at them and all they represented - how they at this point only drag me down. Even the light ones are too heavy. I visualized them, one at a time, being attached to me in a large green vine. I then started to hack at it with a machete, all the while remembering how heavy this is. Some of the memories were quiet. Indifferent. Some objected to it, and that "you can't escape from who you are!". Ignore. Keep hacking. Another one cheered me on. It only wanted the best for me. I was very thankful for this one. "Thank you for everything you taught me one point in time. Now I must let you go..." All I got back was: "Good for you mate! I'm happy for you. If you ever need anything, let me know!" ... Hack!

(...something personal...) When i look at it, it's such an intricate story. A story. There are no other people. What is this 'me' that needed to be special?? It's a phantom. Not even anything. Made up. It's not important to be special because there is no separation. Trying to untangle bs in the dream is ridiculous. Move out of the dream. See that the dream isn't real. A person, and his problems, is not. The question is, do we feed the story, or stop holding on to it.

I don't think as much about my stories as before, but some situations cause a reaction. Those, I feel helpless against, but most of all very scared. But what am I real afraid of? Feeling a couple of feelings that I've felt many times before (and lived to tell about it)? Is that so bad? Making a fool of myself in front of other non-existing entities? I don't exist, they don't exist. That's the truth of the situation. In fact, what's better for me than letting this ego suffer? Not caring about such nonsense is true freedom. When you really let go of all pride, that's true lightness. When you know that it's no longer 'you' anything happens 'to'. Why is the situation with this character important at all? There is no doer of doings. This poor little guy got the rules all wrong. No wonder why he's confused. He thinks the world is real. He thinks it matters what happens to him. I'm not separate from anything. Everyone is me. My worst enemy is me. The beggar on the street is me...

I felt such compassion for this gypsy couple I saw on the street. About 50 years old, having found some cardboard boxes to sleep on for the night. Man and woman, 50 years old and sleeping together on the street in the pouring rain a cold night. They looked like very nice people. You could see the goodness in their eyes. The world is a brutal place. I remind myself that they don't exist. That's a relief. Some might say it's an escape to think like that. I guess it is, but it's an escape from a bad dream - a false dream. Noting wrong with thinking clearly. Nothing wrong with letting go. I can still feel love for everyone I see, but nothing is any longer 'wrong', 'unfair', 'terrible'. I feel plenty of love for people. But why not think clearly as well? Truth is good. For me, that's self evident.

It's right to let go. It's natural. I say that partially because I don't view death as 'bad'. If every person in the world were rescued, and each had three or four kids, the world would become pretty crowded. It's insanity. I think that we might be past the point of no return. Don't really care though. It is what it is. But the blindness to it - still prioritizing people over the the thing that makes life even possible. Death is denied so much that the whole planet will become inhabitable. Death is fine as long as it's every life form other than Homo sapiens. Where did we get the idea that human life is sacred? (We don't care if someone truly lives, just that they have a pulse.) I don't have any solutions or even care, but human stupidity has no limits. But it brings me back to the truth - there are no people. Nothing controls whether or not this party comes crashing down. No one to blame, no one to be the hero either. We'll see what happens. (I don't think overcrowding is a problem that needs to be solved or even should be solved - how would you even do that? It's more about the fact that it is reality and we pretend it's not.)

It's easy to get sucked into debates with body-mind organisms that appear 'stupid'. But that's just another layer of the onion. Accept that most (all) people are driven by emotions. Accept that they walk in flock. Accept that they're stupid. Accept that they won't listen to reason. Accept that they won't argue fair. Accept that they're not looking to find a solution, they only want to 'win'. That's ego for you. Marvel at it. Play by the rules. These are the rules, play with it and have fun, or be: ...stupid yourself. Maybe a bit smarter than most, but being bitter = being stupid. Easy to fall into traps, but nonduality is true for everything, not just for bits and pieces of reality.