INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Dear Lars:

Welcome to our forum. Sounds like a plan. Now follow through and report back.

Love ya, Jed.

Is there something which is aware? Is it me? I must be the one aware of this perspective for example. I never understood how experience allegedly is not divided. Different things appear to me, than to others right? So different experience must occur in different heads? My experience does not feel contained in my head though.
There’s a feeling of the head, but sight expands far beyond that feeling. It seems like a contradiction to see everything that I see and then point to tiny part of it and say this is where experience is. Like all of my experience is inside some of my experience.

There’s a clash between sight and feeling then. Though it’s not like I can feel that the feeling is in some sort of flesh cage. It’s not bouncing into the stomach lining or anything. Even if it did that would be another feeling and what would that be contained by? Is it inside because I don’t see it out there with lamps, tables and stuff? I don’t see it inside either.

All these thoughts, memories, hearing must be occurring to something. Although that they must occur to something is just an image thought, of all these occurring things going to the same source.

Is there sound + me? There is sound + feeling of ear and/or head.

What I have heard from others, is that when they look for a 'me' they see nothing. When I look for a 'me' it points to something else, often interchangeably. I.e. who is hearing points to head/ear feeling as me, the feeling points to the sight/first person perspective as me and the one seeing points to a feeling in the stomach/head.

Does sight + feeling in the head = me looking out? ...

Is it true that there is both seeing and me? No. But isn’t it somehow occurring to me? There are thoughts about what is seen, heard, etc. which implies that they must occur to the same center, which does the thinking. Otherwise how can thoughts describe what is seen? By chance?

Even if thoughts are not done by me, the whole shebang: Thoughts, feeling, seeing, hearing seem to be comprehended by the same thing, in order to comprehend all these different things. Although I can’t point to something comprehending either.

I guess I’m just describing the brain and the senses.

Okay, but I weren’t full of inferences, I would say that there isn’t someone seeing, just seeing and just hearing, etc.. It just feels wrong to say that it doesn’t occur to me.

Truthfully: Am I seeing? Yes. How? There is vision and I am aware of it. How am I aware of it? I can recognize it’s there. What recognizes that it’s there? How? Why can’t I answer this? How do I recognize that there is seeing?

A thought says that there is vision. There is a feeling of certainty. None of them will do as an explanation.

I can’t see that I’m seeing. I can’t aware that I’m seeing either because.. It’s not a verb. It’s not a thing you can do. I feel like I should be able to tell how I know there is vision. That there should be seeing + awareness of it and the awareness part of it, confirms that there is vision.

I still want to say yes, when answering: Do I see? Will examine tomorrow.

Hi Jed,
Sorry for falling off the wagon. Today I’ve been trying to figure why I want to do this. It’s all over the place. I’ve tried this a couple of times before, trying to figure out what I really want and why I do this. I’ve never felt like I nailed exactly what it is that I want and why I do this. Here’s the entire thing:

I want to be calm and not feel anxious.

I don’t want to react to stuff, like being jealous, or feeling less worthy

I want to get rid of old bagage, stop it from being something that can hurt me. Removing identification from it, seems like a solution.

I want to be only happy. Or at least okay with other emotions. Enjoy them even, perhaps.

I want to have as good a life as possible.

I probably also want to be better than other people and this will make me better than all those petty people who don’t know all the things I know. I will be calm, cool and happy and people will be jealous of that. They’ll wonder how the hell I got to be like that and admire me.

It seems like a nice thing to realize before the end of my life, when I’m old and my days of glory are over. It will remove, I hope, the vanity than can no longer be fulfilled by being viewed as hot stuff and an upcoming star. The purpose of removing vanity is of course, to remove the suffering it generates when it can’t be fulfilled. I hope it will also make fear of death more pleasant. In other words, make the slow, old transition towards death more comfortable.

Why do I sit down to write this stuff and post to you? To get enlightened. That last part of posting to you, I definitely decided to do because it might mean I’d get enlightened faster.

It is weird that I find myself trying to have the right motivation for enlightenment, like wanting truth or finding my true nature. Why would I not try to pursue what I really want instead of changing what I want to match a preset goal?

I guess enlightenment sounds like the kind of stuff that I want, but you can only get it with the right motivation.

It is quite the thrill to discover something about myself, I didn’t know. To see how things really work. But I don’t think that’s why I sit down and do it.

I’ve noticed that things tend to go better when I follow my curiosity, which incidentally also makes this more interesting. The second thing that helps is asking whether something is really, really true? As in not just a spiritual fantasy, but actually real. But again, I try to follow curiosity and truth only because that gives me some traction in this, which implies that I want it to lead towards being done.

Why do I sit down and write this? What do I hope to get out of it?
Hopefully, it will lead to enlightenment which hopefully, I’ll like. There are emotions that I don’t like and I’d gladly rip out the opposing positive to avoid it. I haven’t thought it through at all and I don’t want to. Like a child, I just want to cover my ears and just do it anyway and see if I like it.

I do feel a need to find something with substance. I still like to be praised and admired, but it doesn’t feel like that’s the only thing I want in my life. It’s shallow, but I remember a not to distant time, where that was all I thought about and desired. I am not completely mesmerized by being admired anymore. At least once the joy of it fades a bit, it all feels meaningless.

You know better than me...

So, what is the answer?

Love ya, Jed.

Hi Lars:

Just being aware of that is a good start.

Love ya, Jed.