@know1 ...
"Amazed" is not strong enough of a word to describe how I felt when I saw you using the phrase "the best part of not being T/R"
Ha, good point Penks, maybe a little explanation. For me finding a key that had alluded me while in the state of H/A, was joyful, waking up from H/C did not mean I automatically became H/A, what it did mean was that I now had an understanding of my previous state and some control over the programming that had kept me bound there. The constant use of this knowledge over a period of years was what then allowed me to eventually reside in a state of H/A.
During this time I was bombarded with "keys" to unlocking the doors that barred my progression, when an understanding became revealed it was always something I didn't know that I didn't know, this little taste of "enlightenment" a sliver of truth about my falseness always filled me with joy, hence "the best part of not being T/R'ed" it felt awesome after the initial blast to ego. You'll notice the past tense "has been" of that sentence indicates a prior state of being.
The problem with the joy I found is that it resides within the dual and the "me" that found the key was actually the only thing blocking "I am" from T/R from the get go, like the movie Total Recall where after his mind was erased and he thinks he's the good guy but finds out he's really been the bad guy all along, quite the paradox eh?
Anyway, there is much to enjoy in H/A, I wouldn't call what I'm experiencing now joy, it's more of an understanding, that understanding has eliminated emotional response in many ways, one area that has actually been enhanced is with animals, babies and small children, I am able to be with these groups in a way I was never available before, for example, I always liked allowing kids to "paint" on a painting I was working on, it made them and their parents happy and often could lead to a sale. nothing wrong here, just "working it" so to speak, lately I've found that I am drawn to actually "communicating" with the kids, ignoring the adults and the sale can go f*ck itself, that's a big shift in my world and I find an abundance of joy, interest and connection in the interaction...