So currently I notice the turbulence, but also I notice I've been building towards stability even though the actions towards it felt uncomfortable. Somehow it's all worth it. I've been dodging the facts of unity with great skill, but life is orchestrated in such a manner this dodging is of temporal nature.
I'm not going to deny the fact I feel like going crazy sometimes but then something or someone comes along to put me back on the track of sanity, stability and progress.
It's about time to stop considering myself a character, lost, not knowing what's going on. But rather part of a large container, awareness, with one vested interest: which is becoming more aware and it doesn't make any sense to hurt anyone, including myself.
There are moments of enlightenment, where the awareness becomes the focal point, and great events happen uplifting the awareness. Than the hide and seek takes place again because in such a state the duality is gone and I stop experiencing being a seperate self.
It's not that one state is better than another, I can see it's all part of the becoming aware process, it just becomes very obvious some things I held onto have to go.
The biggest BS maya still seems to throw at me is the notion of time, there being a past, future or present. There is only this awareness, calibrating what it knows, what it learns and integrating the implications of all this.
That's the further part. There is always further, but only to make everything more efficient, considering a more and more holistic view.
Love, Mori