What do you mean by 'crossed of the list'? What's wrong with alcohol, sex and love... in moderation of course. You see, these are not the problem. You have attached importances to things of the dream. The reality is you have made them important when they are just glitter on the diamond. Thus missing the point. Your mind cannot entertain a negative so attaching such things is really quite silly and will indeed result in you wasting you human energy, as you mentioned.
Set out to not eat chocolate cake, when, at the end of the day you find yourself full of deserts in the evening, and the first thing you will think of in the morning is chocolate cake. This is why diets fail. I will not (fill in the blank) is an embedded command to the mind to 'X' because the mind cannot think of 'not X'.
You don't want to resist alcohol, sex and love, you need to realize that they don't matter, you need to release your importances around those issues. I remember years ago, a therapist who treated alcoholics and upon completion of his treatment the would test his work. They would both go out for a beer and then go home. Now that is what I would call a cure.
Yes, you will always struggle if left to your own devices. It's the old set up, upset, set up, upset and your mind is wasting valuable energy majoring in minors, making mountains out of mole hills, and whatever other metaphors you can come up with.
Everything you do is to avoid the nothing that you are. You think that beating up you human tendencies will give you some kind of freedom when all you are doing is bringing in a construction company to assemble more re-bar and pour more concrete around your feed.
But, don't let my berating bring you down. Accept that it's hopeless and your mind is not the place that a solution lies. Thinking is the problem and you have spent way too much energy thinking and too little doing non-doing, just being.
I am indeed glad to hear you have given up hope because all hope is false hope. Relax and let everything be however it appears. Why? Because it's not real. When invest you energy in changing what it not real.
Do you have my Full Body Breathing tape? Write me at cambodianashram@gmail.com if you don't and I will send it. It's a good start and many students are enjoying it, free of course.
Much love and now it might be time to give up, to put down all your mentally derived 'weapons' and just let yourself experience a little peace.
Stay healthy,
Jed.
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