Author Topic: Stuck?  (Read 272 times)

doug

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Stuck?
« on: May 06, 2018, 08:00:51 pm »
Jed,

The more I do inquiry and attack the question of self from different angles, the more it seems like "I" have only ever existed in my mind. I observed this most clearly with physical pain. There was the experience of pain that was undeniable. But then the mind created a story of an individual that is suffering and is upset and is a victim of nature. A story seems to be all that I am. This observation culminated in a very intense experience.

I was sitting down and thinking of ways to escape out of this prison of “I”. It became apparent to me that what was trying to escape was also the prison. I am the prison and the prisoner. This is the way it appeared, anyhow. It’s been a few weeks since this experience, and I’ve been in a depressed funk ever since.  Nothing has really felt the same. Inquiry has felt dry and slow, because i have a serious doubt about my ability to do anything about my condition. I don't know how to go further from here. Any suggestions?

- Doug

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Jed McKenna

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Re: Stuck?
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2018, 02:06:15 am »
Dear Prisoner and Prison Guy:

Thank you for you email and sharing your experience. Ramana used the metaphor that one uses a thorn to remove a thorn and, once done, throws both thorns away. I like it.

There is a particular contemplation in the series that deals with this dilemma but it takes some background to be effective. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and your experiences are very common among students. If this ''situation'' was easy to grok then many more people would be free from the tyranny ''me''.   

I'm going to go off on a strange tangent.. stay with me. If you build a bridge out of steel and it eventually fails for some reason, that failure will probably be gradual... things will start to sway and bend in a way that hopefully gives one some indication of the problem. Now, it you had built that bridge out of wood (not that uncommon in the past, like old train tressels) it may well last a long time however when it fails, it fails in a very different way. It's called ''catastrophic'' failure. Now you see it, now you don't. Are you with me? Predicting that moment of failure is virtually impossible.

Your ego is that wooden structure. In place for years and doing its ''job'' but once one starts picking away at it, failure is inevitable, BUT, just when is the challenge. One can pick away for a long time with no encouraging feedback, (except perhaps from someone like me). If I am not making sense to you don't hesitate to let me know and I will make another attempt...

This is when that frustrating word/concept arises... patience. You will not see what's coming, you might read about it, or have imaginings about it, but it is not something you can anticipate accurately because it is beyond ''mind''. It includes and embraces mind, illusion that it is, but is unimaginable. It is the context that everything occurs within.

So, just keep doing what you are doing. Be patient, and trust you are on the right road.

Love ya, Jed.

doug

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Re: Stuck?
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2018, 06:16:11 pm »
Jed,

The bridge metaphor helped a lot and pointed me in the direction i needed. thank you.

One of the biggest obstacles i have to growing up and maturing is social anxiety, and expectations. In my inquiry, i recognized how i want people to see me, and how i spend every day of my life playing a role in movie, basically. I see how fake this is, but I'm perplexed as to how i still often have a fear of public speaking and meeting new people. I recognize that I'm attached to this character that I play, and that I'm concerned about how people will see this character. But i also see that people's judgements have nothing to do with me. They created the person they're judging. Nobody could ever possibly know me. Still, the anxiety is there. The past few days I've felt the anxiety physically, but have mentally observed it and seen it as false. I know intellectually that this fear of being judged and my identification with the character is irrational, but it seems to be something in me that can't let it go. My mind sees it as ridiculous, but another part of me is holding onto it and my body definitely responds to it.

What is it that is holding onto this fear of being judged? What can I do about it?

- Doug

Jed McKenna

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Re: Stuck?
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2018, 11:55:05 pm »
Sit by yourself in a quiet place and make yourself anxious, really, really anxious and and then make yourself MORE anxious, fear full to the max, the quit fiddle farting around and get REALLY REALLY ANXIOUS.

Do this every day for at least three years... I am serious as a heart attack.

We'll talk in three years and you can report your results.

Love ya, Jed.

doug

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Re: Stuck?
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2018, 06:14:30 pm »
Hey Jed,

I'm done. It's so simple, and I'm so impressed you've found so many ways to describe what's literally right in front of everyone. One illusion gets seen for what it is and then the entire Illusion crumbles. At least that was my experience. Not much to say, I guess. Thanks.

- Doug
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Jed McKenna

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Re: Stuck?
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2018, 04:20:19 am »
Wonderful Doug and thank you for your kind words.

Enjoy,

Love ya, Jed