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Author Topic: Dobby's thread.  (Read 18142 times)

Jed McKenna

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #15 on: July 31, 2015, 12:40:09 am »
Dear Dedicated and Sincere Student:

You didn't think I'd fall for that garbage did you? Keep one doing what you are doing. Caring about anything will just get in the way. The is no you who could care so why make all that crap up and struggle under the weight of illusion? Doesn't make much sense to me.

Love ya, Jed.
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Dobby

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #16 on: August 03, 2015, 08:39:36 am »
About 2 days ago, I blocked all distracting websites from my browser. So far, that thing is going. A different kind of mental rumination is taking place. The whole day today, I sat on my armchair(still am). I got a business idea day before yesterday.(evasion tactic? A result of me not getting a job?) Today, what I had planned to do(learn python and ruby languages, so that I could add it to my resume.) but realized half way that it was just not going to happen. So I sat the whole day toying with the business idea.

Helpless, I went to the bed and lay down. Soon, I drifted to sleep. When I awoke, I had forgotten all about life. I don't know why, I think it must have something to do with this forum. For 5 seconds or more, I didn't know a thing. I had to make an effort to recollect everything, my surroundings, my self, what had just happened, my whole context. It wasn't pleasant. Or maybe it was because I hadn't eaten anything all day.

Thanks Jed,
Garbage.
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Dobby

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #17 on: August 04, 2015, 01:52:49 am »
This morning I had a dream, that turned lucid, somewhere in the middle.

So, I was on the terrace of my apartment building roaming around, as I do in real life too(yeah, I get it). Then all of a sudden dark clouds come and it starts raining. I run to escape getting wet, but then I realize that, if this is a dream, I cannot really get wet. So with much difficulty, I tell myself to stop running and turn back to face the showers. It ended there, approximately.

This gives a very uncomfortable message doesn't it? If I were suffering in this life, it means I am not really suffering. Then who is suffering?

OH MY GOD !!! I just realized while typing that this couldn't have been more timely.

Thanks,
Garbage.
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Jed McKenna

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #18 on: August 04, 2015, 02:03:57 am »
Yes, the real You can take that poncho back for a refund.
'
Love ya, Jed.
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Dobby

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #19 on: August 05, 2015, 08:22:34 am »
Dear Jed,

I'm going completely mental, not in a good way. My mood is swinging on an hourly basis. Maniac depression minus the mania. Severe depression, a kind I haven't experienced before. Wounds upon wounds upon wounds.

And at the same time I realized, that the reason that I ascribe to my being depressed was actually always true.

College, Jed, was a huge distraction. More than 7 years of doing nothing. I was there, and other students, and we spent each day of those years, fooling ourselves that we were doing something worthwhile. In fact, we were literally doing nothing. Now that the degree is obtained, I know what a worthless bauble we were dedicating our time to.

And now, everyone is looking for jobs. I can see how it is going to end up there too. The job would be another comfortable nest. It will cure my depression, the worthlessness I feel sitting at home. But that's about it.

I face another dilemma. When I know I wish to die, I remember all my family members. They deserve better than that. I HATE this life. I HATE this world, but I cannot willingly kill myself, for that reason: the members of my family. Expecting death, makes me feel guilty. Guilty of not being hopeful or ambitious and starry eyed. I'm none of those, but I pretend to be.

On the bright side, yesterday, I slept on time(about 11 PM) after many years. There wasn't any guilt there.

Thanks,
Huzefa
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Dobby

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #20 on: August 05, 2015, 12:33:01 pm »
Dear Jed
The internet, news papers and channels, and entertainment is really no longer my thing.

In the intervals in which I'm not depressed, I sense that I am slipping back to my older ways. Back to sleep. Not that I should bother, but is that right?

Thanks
Huzefa
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Jed McKenna

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #21 on: August 05, 2015, 10:34:25 pm »
Whatever happens in a dream doesn't alter the fact that it's a dream.

Love ya, Jed
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Dobby

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #22 on: August 06, 2015, 10:15:15 pm »
Yes.

That's like a mantra. hahaha.
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Jed McKenna

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #23 on: August 08, 2015, 02:44:46 am »
Yup... further.

love ya, Jed.
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Dobby

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #24 on: August 10, 2015, 10:51:55 am »
No matter how lost I feel in the dream state, there has to be some dream. The world validates the ego sometimes and massively invalidates it sometimes. I know what my ego is. Yet, it doesn't seem to go away. There are emotional attachments, deep down that I am made aware of.

I don't know what's going to happen of this organism named Huzefa. He is the deepest attachment, and I care for him the most.

If I was doing a spiritual warfare, I am now tired. This thing is not getting over soon enough, to be sure. I don't know when this will be over. Maybe the best assumption I can make is that it will never be over. In that, way I have nothing to look forward to.

And I don't have to do anything: the world is doing it to me. I lay exposed as an impostor. And I am tired of dreaming dreams, and hoping hopes. And I hate to see my face in the mirror. That person, is not me, or my result, or of my conscious making.

A few hours ago, I posted something here about my recent misfortune of being rejected at a job. But I deleted all those. Truth and surrender, were never conditional. Ego is my present reality, sadly, and it is bound to hurt.

I can't wait until the next shitty thing happens. How far can this go? What can be worse than death? But surely, from the little I know, ego's affliction seems much greater than the pain of death.
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Jed McKenna

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #25 on: August 10, 2015, 10:20:34 pm »
Don't expect ego to go away. That's not what I am suggesting. I would encourage you to continually look at Maya/ego and see through her. Once you see the game clearly you can play it much better. Remember, it's all entertainment.

Love ya, Jed
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Dobby

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #26 on: August 11, 2015, 03:06:26 am »
Why does J. Krishnamurthy say that conserving sexual energy is a waste of time? I find jerking off/ p_orno-graphy very distracting and feel that it acts as a tranquilizer. (I have been abstaining since a month now.)

Thanks!

ps: Krishnamurthy vs. Brett, huh...  :P
« Last Edit: August 11, 2015, 07:00:08 am by Huzefa »
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Dobby

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #27 on: August 11, 2015, 06:58:48 am »
I'm going to try to stop day dreaming now. This thing is taking up my concentration all day. phew... and anyway, these made up scenarios are usually more depressing than any good. I don't know if this is gonna work, but I'll try and I'll tell.

Thanks.
<I  have come to hate my name now, hahaha>
H
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Jed McKenna

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #28 on: August 11, 2015, 07:16:58 am »
Dear H:

Ask K, good luck. Change your name now, if you don't I will.

What exactly do you want, EXACTLY?

Love ya, Jed.
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Dobby

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Re: Stuck on logic
« Reply #29 on: August 12, 2015, 11:45:47 am »
Dear Jed,

I want Clarity.

Thanks,
Burhanuddin.

ps. I first had written,  that i want to "not stop". "not stop" for what end? For clarity.
« Last Edit: August 12, 2015, 12:04:28 pm by Burhanuddin »
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