Hi Jed !!!
I found out something mind-blowing today. I chanced on reading Sam Harris's book 'Waking up'. He spoke about split brains, brains that are surgically split into two, for medical reasons.
1. The right and left brain start acting like two different people. Ask the split-brain person to tell what he wants to be in the future, he says 'draftsman'. Ask him to write down what he wants to be in the future, he writes 'a race car driver.' !!!
2. The split brain subjects, often show disbelief about how their body keeps responding to the instructions of the researchers, while they issue verbal protests.
3. The split-brain guys often argue with themselves. They also sabotage each other's work. Like the left hand draws something and the right hand crumples the paper.
While there can be infinite implications of this, some of the things that I could make out is that:
a. Reading something, and reading aloud, are WAY different. Listening to an audiobook and reading a book mentally will not have the same emotional effect on the person. If there is anything I'll read, I'll read it aloud.
b. Autolysis, works wonders. We will always rationalize, and we think that the person typing/writing is the same person who is thinking is the same. This is far from the truth. In the end, there is no such thing as a person, but the guy who is typing this is not does not even remotely resemble the personality who is talking and acting. By typing myself, and seeing what I am typing, I am literally, biologically, my own guru.
c. Since the split brain guys are 2 people in one body, it would be logical to say the there are an infinite amount of people in mine. Or maybe zero amount of people.
Just some things that I wanted to share. They are true only to a degree, but all very interesting.
There's no question of trusting myself, since there is no me there to be trusted. I have come to trust the patterns of my character's behavior, since I still need to trust something. But even that, I sense is on a shaky foundation.
Abandonment! Yes. In reality, nothing shall be abandoned. Today, I had an experience that I have had many times in life, but never noticed. While sitting on my desk, I felt I must observe my thoughts, and not respond to them, for some while. Immediately the fearful question arose: 'How will you respond if you were called by someone? Who will give the response if your boss calls?'. There. I realized, the there is no one in reality who responds to my boss. The thoughts don't want to lose their continuity. Loss of continuity means loss of perceived control.
There is nothing to abandon. But there is an illusion of control over an action, which is fueled by the illusion of self-hood.
I have exceeded the word limit, but I am having a hell of a time with this book.
Lots of understanding it feels good.
Thanks,
Dobby.