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DragonTree

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« Reply #15 on: May 16, 2016, 05:37:09 pm »
Ok scratch that big old story I just made up.
I just stuck with the word Wrong. I realized that if my friend hadn't had his story I wouldn't be contemplating wrongness, therefore his story has its place in the world and saying that something is wrong is simply denying the existence of it.

This ties together so many themes and concepts that I just couldn't get for whatever reason. I didn't expect such a small seeming realization to be such an atom bomb, looking back at my past month it was like this whole thing was being presented to me louder and louder until I could hear it. I no longer have to assert the idea of everything being perfect, I see it.

further.
« Last Edit: May 16, 2016, 10:08:24 pm by DragonTree »

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #16 on: May 17, 2016, 06:18:24 am »
 ;) ;) ;)

DragonTree

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« Reply #17 on: May 20, 2016, 05:00:04 am »
(no questions, just stories)
Today I went to a float tank. You basically float in silent darkness for 1.5hours in skin temperature salt water. It was uneventful aside from moving through a certain state of mind where I used to think something was happening. Upon exiting the tank there was some inner dialogue going back and forth and I noted that it was "it vs itself" (I was interested to see the rant jed posted today about saying "I").

A lot of resting anxiety has disappeared and its interesting. There's not nearly as much energy being dumped into stupid **** and I think that's causing me to have excess energy in my legs right now.

Also in those moments when i start thinking mindlessly and snap out of trance i'm no longer chastising myself for thinking. There's neither control of when I'm thinking or when I'm aware of thinking so its better just to rest in the satisfaction of leaving the trance rather than berating myself the moment I become aware. The mechanism was backwards!!

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #18 on: May 20, 2016, 05:42:00 am »
Almost everything is backwards... go figure. We say we want peace, we make war, we say we want to be happy and we (not me) are miserable, say we want wealth but are quick to waste money on shallow and hollow entertainment and cotton candy, we (fill in the blank) and we create (fill in the opposite).

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #19 on: May 23, 2016, 09:17:22 am »
Went in for another float...
At the beginning it was something to do because I enjoy it. About halfway through I realized the float tank was an excuse to do nothing (which was seeking). I was trying to find I and in doing so it became extremely frustrating because searching for I seems to just be fracturing I so its always I seeing I or some derivative so this search mechanism is flawed. I always outsmart me haha.

On the bright side we (friend and I) got lost on the drive home. I missed an exit and we ended up driving an extra 50km through misty mountains, lakes, and cool vegetation to get home.
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Jed McKenna

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« Reply #20 on: May 23, 2016, 10:42:49 am »
Cool....

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #21 on: May 26, 2016, 05:42:45 am »
Given what jed said about everything being backwards I've started to look at some things a little differently.
I started imagining that all the people around me are actually enlightened. By the end of the night it got really weird. Just watching people talk was strange, we just make various sounds/gestures and believe in them. It seems like everyone knows exactly what's going on and directly avoid it all the time. While watching people talk I got this sense that the things we do are very childish and innocent... I probably still look like a child on a playground to a T/R person.

Somehow that got me to contemplate what motivates us to expend any energy at all. The obvious answer seems to be avoiding death, although one could also expend energy by killing themself.

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #22 on: May 26, 2016, 07:40:19 am »
Whatever...

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #23 on: May 29, 2016, 05:17:54 am »
sorry, did drugs and got retarded. Psychedelics easily pull me into stories.

The other day a few people were watching religious cartoons and I sat and watched with them. I got invited to go to church tomorrow morning. Maybe there's a pattern emerging, not sure but I'm going to attend.

Also the other night I had a really random dream about an old crush I used to have and when I woke up I wasn't willing to give up the emotions so there's that.

And now I wait for unfolding to s h i t all over my stories as per usual


Jed McKenna

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« Reply #24 on: May 29, 2016, 05:54:21 am »
Further...

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #25 on: May 31, 2016, 03:06:25 pm »
See, further is what I was having issues with. I didn't know how to go about going further (the lie) and the reason for that is a comment you might have said a while back made me think I was doing the wrong thing at the time. It sent me through various books and teachers looking for the "best method"
Today I sat down and just watched the thoughts very closely and examined their baggage and its clear that this is further for me. Intense watching basically.
I'm not saying anyone was in the wrong here, just that it was a big roundabout way of finding out that its much more important that I listen to myself than listen to others. Whenever I ask myself "what Jed would say?" I get the exact unsatisfying answer I'm looking for anyway.
 It's clear that I can't interpret what you're saying accurately without jumping into your body so I need to more carefully monitor assumptions I make.

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #26 on: May 31, 2016, 11:26:25 pm »
All good, no more dope!

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #27 on: June 03, 2016, 11:04:40 pm »
-read a quote about time, realization of "the big bang happened now" hit

-while sticking with the feelings thoughts carry with them I noticed some background thoughts that couldn't be located that way. realized they were attached to visual stimuli and there's been a lot of visual daydreaming i'm now (consciously) aware of

-figured truth must be getting close, later in the day felt like its a ways off, realized both are the same lie

-made funny joke: "A yam that a yam"

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #28 on: June 04, 2016, 12:36:14 am »
Got it. Couldn't resist.

A man walks into a market and up to a foreign looking older fellow with a long beard. He points to a vegetable in the man's stall.

Our customer points to a vegetable and asks, ''What's that?''.

In broken English the wise old merchant says, ''A yam that a yam''.

At which point the customer realized this True Nature and becomes enlightened. He kisses the merchants feet and walks out with an ear to ear grin.

The merchant shakes his head and says, ''Cheez... dat guy's really weird''.

Remember, anyone and anything can be your guru.

Love ya, Jed.



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DragonTree

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« Reply #29 on: June 05, 2016, 08:47:01 am »
Every day I keep getting terrified for no reason. Its really difficult to not identify with fear when it comes up... but I'll get there. This morning when I woke up it felt like my name had swallowed your name like an amoeba (if that makes any sense).

...had to sit for a moment to peel that story off...

regrettably, the f-word  :(