Author Topic: subject  (Read 9355 times)

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #165 on: January 29, 2017, 05:11:11 pm »
Time is growing a more precious to me so when I have to be at work I find myself thinking how it fits into the picture. I thought about this and found a box of books, feeling grateful I put them all into the garbage compactor. Whilst sweeping some dirt people kept getting in my space and I was taking it very personally and started getting agrivated. Upon seeing it I just saw that its maya and *poof* it just vanished and I've never witnessed such a vanishing. It seems like it also may have quickly done something else and I've been trying to construct a story about it "its-its integrated into the bleep blop etc." My point is that I can be patient with time-wasters and see where they lead. I structure my day around sitting down any typing. On my breaks at work I use the notepad on my phone, people keep barging in on me when I'm on break and I just stare at them until they finish and see that I'm waiting for them to leave.

I'm don't want to let circumstances pile up either. I got invited out and it seemed like the thing to do because lotsa stuff lined up and someone asked me if I'd take care of an animal, reflexively I said yes and reflexively I regretted it. Anyways while i was out it just seemed like people are trying to plug me back in- trying to set me up for dates and get jobs and do drugs and eat junk and waste time and not focus. Its very difficult for me to be patient with others when every second I'm ever vigilantly waiting for moments alone to do stuff and they're just hanging around wasting time like dopey mental patients. Anyways, hope this was worth your time.

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #166 on: January 30, 2017, 01:07:30 am »
Of course it's worth my time, I have an infinite amount of it... as do you.

Patience grasshopper, patience.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #167 on: January 30, 2017, 08:56:48 pm »
I’m seeing a contradiction where Jed talks about memento mori and the methods we use to supress it. One of the methods mentioned was to imagine a continuation of some sort after death and after a brief check I’m doing that (supressing) with the supposedly T/R beings who are ‘dead’ yet walking around. There’s a lump of statements I can probably throw on to this pile and burn too, ‘there’s nobody to get enlightened’ (“coincidentally” posted the other day by Jed), and some others but I had a brain fart trying to remember. ‘You’re as dead now as you’ve ever been’

In other news I can't believe how much dumb 'spiritual' junk I've willingly retarded myself with. I didn't really think I read that many books but when I take a look at all the vague beliefs I pulled out of them I just want to cringe tightly into a black hole. "higher vibration" "Chakras" "meditation" "stillness" "kundalini (albeit known through experience)" and I'm sure the list continues "past lives" its just a matter of waiting for them to come to my attention. Funny how even at the start of Jed's first book he begins by calling out a girl for raising her vibrational... whatever and even reading that I was still immune to looking at it. I'm grateful that I only picked up these concepts within the last few years and the roots shouldn't be too deep... in that respect I'm also glad I'm young.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #168 on: February 01, 2017, 01:32:43 am »
I'm learning how to pick at false self. I caught myself thinking up a scenario for what I should have done in a certain scenario and asked what does that say? What is the character that is being projected (and who would ask about it).
What am I trying to make others see
and every decision about what to type, what words to add etc, should I add more, do I want to show that I'm thorough, etc (do I want to show that I'm aware of that)
and that
and that
and that
and thatand that
oh look there's a typo and if i don't fix it some quality of self is shown
and there's a statement attempting to communicate awareness
etc
etc
if I edit it seems like I start crossing threads and weaving a fabric though so probably better not to

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #169 on: February 01, 2017, 10:42:11 pm »
I nap like crazy right now, probably upwards of 15 hours today off and on

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #170 on: February 01, 2017, 11:51:51 pm »
That's a standard Maya/ego defense mechanism... I suggest you do your ''work'' for a set time, say something like twenty minutes and then make yourself nab for a set time. Determine these times ahead of time and follow them.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #171 on: February 03, 2017, 02:46:45 am »
I set some 30 minute intervals throughout my day.

On the topic of time, if you narrow down "the moment" infinitely far you're probably going to find infinite moments. Between 0 and 1 seconds there's infinitely small decimals in other words. I'm wondering if anything is static at all. Is it ever right now? Ideas tend to be static, but reality seems to be more like flux - at least that's how I seem to be able to fit infinity inside of anything. It's similar to when you dream (at night) and maybe you look at a clock, the clock will never settle down and say what time it is. I don't know, something here is getting a little frustrating and it'll probably be a simple "oh" tomorrow.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #172 on: February 03, 2017, 03:19:47 am »
There is nobody to wake up from this dream.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2017, 03:57:26 am by DragonTree »

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #173 on: February 03, 2017, 09:50:03 pm »
A person came by my house and when they were leaving they commented that they had to go let someone else's fukcin' dog outside. Default response for me is to say something along the lines of "its not the dog's fault" but I didn't say anything. I would have been providing a little bit of resistance to it and I think the point would be to erect my own boundary. I'm thinking maybe the point of friends is a comfortable zone to work on your fences together. Maybe, maybe not, its all the same when I throw it into the machine.
I read something about 'it' not being pointless, but pointlessness, and that feels somewhat accurate. I take any context and grind it to mulch, if you think there's a point in the mulch I'll make mulch of that point.

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #174 on: February 04, 2017, 04:26:23 am »
Hi there;

Sounds like you are doing fine. Remember, you are responsible for everything that appears to you and you are not at fault/guilty or anything, ever. The same applies to everyone in this particular dream.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #175 on: February 05, 2017, 08:26:53 pm »
From your responses I guessed that you're nudging me towards relaxing a bit or something. I noticed that when I'm not writing I hold onto a lot of tension like its something I need to do, so I let that go at the swimming pool. Quite a bit of tension actually, then I was at work and instead of seething I was just bored so I decided to begin to **** with people in subtle ways. In retrospect I boobytrapped my house a little bit with obstacles because I knew my roommate was coming home. I started putting garbage cans and mop buckets in high traffic areas, watching people walk around this stuff consistently without even acknowledging its there is highly amusing and perplexing to me. Admittedly it gets borderline psychopathic when I start leaving knives in deep murky water but i don't really see the difference. Walking home I'm getting in the way of people when they veer off to the side so we can pass each other by. I digress...

A certain stagnation with my writing ceased as well, I'm finding more creative solutions to the same equations. I get stuck less.

I'm also hyper aware of minor inconveniences now.

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #176 on: February 06, 2017, 12:21:14 am »
Pure awareness is just that, ''Pure''. It cares not what is going on...

I like the knives in the dishwater... just start with dull ones.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #177 on: February 06, 2017, 07:05:16 am »
I was playing my guitar and idley listening to people talk. I just got pissed off at the notes I was playing, threw the pick, and debated smashing the guitar. The guitar is okay... the story of Ahab tossing his pipe flashed through my mind. It isn't overly upsetting but I'm a little surprised how easy and automatic it is to just abandon something like that.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #178 on: February 07, 2017, 12:55:46 am »
I moved through a doorway and I see more junk everywhere. Its like a humming mental process that I'm now aware of, yet hasn't broken down yet. I'm going to go ahead and assume that cleanup is necessary before any more icebergs become apparent because it seems impossible that there would be more steps... for the moment.

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #179 on: February 07, 2017, 03:12:28 am »
Do what thou will... enjoy.

Love ya, Jed.