Author Topic: subject  (Read 9344 times)

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #180 on: February 08, 2017, 12:30:00 am »
There's different ways of looking at "who am I"
If you ask with the assumption that you wrote it you'll probably explore some ideas about yourself...
If look at the question like someone else wrote it down its a bit creepy.
I put down "I am dragontree"   who is the I that says they're DT? (who asks this, etc)  It feels alien, like someone else is "me."  It seems like [I'm] barging in on someone elses life  but both are likely maya, I just can't get outside it (there's an I trying to get outside? MAYA (who?(outside what?)))
Quite a tangle. "just keep swimming" -dori


-if you continuously hammer in the
"who said that?
who said who said that?
who says that there was someone who said that?
who deviated in the format of saying that?
who was aware of the deviation of form

...etc, it becomes apparent that the 'who' is not continuous. Each character becomes a finite frame of time (frame of I?) rather than a continuous image
- 'I' a slideshow of sorts (rarely seen as such
« Last Edit: February 08, 2017, 04:48:49 am by DragonTree »

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #181 on: February 09, 2017, 07:07:10 am »
Moving pictures are just a lot of fixed pictures... they only appear to move and be continuous.

Love ya, Jed

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #182 on: February 10, 2017, 11:58:07 pm »
I was thinking about the idea of only ever seeing perceptions of the brain. If I'm going to argue with this apparent perceptual reality its laughable because In a certain sense I am (brain* is?) playing the environment and the dude wandering around in it getting upset about things. Its 2, a false split

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #183 on: February 11, 2017, 12:14:40 am »
.... as are all splits...

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #184 on: February 16, 2017, 02:29:51 pm »
Some things are pretty pervasive.

I cling pretty hard to things like physical fitness. I've never not had abs and being fit is the only point of leverage I really had growing up for getting consistent approval. Would I let myself get chubby? As of right now heck no, the thought of it makes me uncomfortable. (funny thing I've been eating a ton of junk lately as a distraction anyway)
Doesn't seem like this has much to do with truth but if i let these ugly tangles of self defining characteristics have free reign it always comes back to present itself as some kind of potent betrayal.

If one were to completely abandon context that seems like a pretty high stakes deal. I don't see why t/r dudes aren't all sitting there starving to death, why did what's his face even go to the cave in the mountains when he coulda just sat anywhere else and did nothing?? Probably a "come see for yourself" type answer.

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #185 on: February 16, 2017, 10:28:33 pm »
Probably...

Oh, and you might want to go to India where you can find many of those dudes who have given just about everything short of breathing.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #186 on: February 20, 2017, 06:59:37 am »
When I need to reach around someone to get something done that person becomes the obstacle and suddenly there's thoughts and emotions saying they're the problem. The problem is not the problem, its the focus on the thing that causes the obstacle (problem) to exist.
In the same way the possibility of me becoming fat and whatnot only becomes a problem when I am identified as a body which is necessary to produce any objectives about improvement and survival.
To say that I am a body also assumes that the body is owned by the concept of I. Its using "the body" to affirm the existence of I.

Also I noticed something funky with the "sense of I am" thing which is that I had to turn that off before I could see a certain identification of I being placed before vision could be seen as belief. Somewhere along the line the existence thing got edited and swapped with kinesthetic sensation... its similar to how you can look back at memories and "see them in a different light." Maybe that breakup you had with a girl was terrible at the time but since it led to growth of your character blah blah blah I'm so grateful it was actually the best thing ever I didn't know it at the time.....etc. I don't know what that is or what its really doing but it reeks of maya

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #187 on: February 21, 2017, 04:50:45 am »
Yes, it does reek of Maya... find something that doesn't.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #188 on: February 22, 2017, 11:51:59 am »
Hey!
I just noticed something cool with self dialogue.

"I'm hungry"
"You just ate a grapefruit mothafucka"
*bing*
The thoughts seem like they're turned inwards and actually talking to a central hub or something. Pretending there's something there in the audience that they're talking to.

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #189 on: February 22, 2017, 09:21:40 pm »
If you talk to yourself then it must be easy for your awareness to become aware of your awareness.

Give it a try.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #190 on: February 23, 2017, 04:53:13 am »
Failed.

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #191 on: February 23, 2017, 07:41:00 am »
Try harder.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #192 on: February 23, 2017, 02:24:18 pm »
Figuring I was ill equipped for this venture I began with a google search "aware of awareness."
After a bit of research I just decided to sit there and basically meditate. Noticing that I could not focus I decided to look at this little dot of grime on my computer speaker and I did my absolute best holding focus on it. Its seemingly impossible.
There's slight moments where it almost seemed like that little dot was intimately close and then everything is just screaming for attention. The only way to see the dot is to completely ignore maya. This has to do with attention. I gave it my all on that little dot (or was that maya too?) and I've never attempted something so difficult. Thoughts here appear as translucent blobs which are you and draw you in, they're supermagnets for attention and make it completely impossible to focus on the **** dot. "That little dot is my salvation" (the thought I remember losing hope at) was seemingly the icing on the cake and a swift kick in the nuts. Maya is impossibly powerful.
I see now why you mention in one of the books that Maya only needs a tiny fraction of her force to stomp out a rebellion.

Wasn't really what I was expecting for trying to be aware of awareness but ah well  :-\

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #193 on: February 23, 2017, 11:12:31 pm »
You may doubt that it was good work, but I would rate it as excellent.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #194 on: March 01, 2017, 08:20:35 pm »
I tried more dot staring but it lost all its juice in the initial attempt. You know before that I was almost starting to feel optimistic again about who knows what but nah, if you hang around and pester jed you're asking to be discontent.
There's no journey, no symptoms, no process, no this, no that, no icebergs to melt, no maya, no reason to flail around and punch your bed like an angry child, no double-jointed toes, and no hope.
I don't know... futility? Somewhere along the line I lost an ingredient that made me want to be more involved in this stuff and now I'm pretty much forcing myself to post rather than doing it compulsively.
Oh i Keep burning my left hand. I want ask how that somehow ties in with adulthood before the poor thing gets infected, rots and falls off. I frequently burn it and aggrivate all the wounds by accidentally tearing them open on things and then burn it again and its beyond me how that ties in to anything but it seems like a clear signal for something because it keeps happening. But i'm stuck with that lens "its a signal for something adulthoody" so far.