Author Topic: subject  (Read 8508 times)

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #45 on: June 17, 2016, 10:54:49 pm »
I was watching horror films and it made me think of the role of black vs white and how making black blacker reinforces our assertions that we should chase white. Oops i just bled my nose by picking it.
I'm a zombie. I don't want to be a slave to the black and white game and I don't want to go without it because its scary (black). Oh, just questioned my own answer.  Now I'll hit post because its feels white

edit: That one killed my hobbies, wasn't expecting that
« Last Edit: June 17, 2016, 11:04:07 pm by DragonTree »

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #46 on: June 17, 2016, 11:53:47 pm »
 ;) ;) ;) ;) :D ::) :P

DragonTree

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« Reply #47 on: June 19, 2016, 04:36:03 am »
Thank you Jed. I wanted to say that at some point today and then I thought about it and it seems redundant.


An interesting question came up today: How would I want to die?

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #48 on: June 19, 2016, 05:09:45 am »
You will eventually drop your body, which they call dying around on this planet, however, the real you was not born and will ever die.

So, who cares  ??? ??? ???

It ain't up to you.

Love ya, Jed.
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DragonTree

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« Reply #49 on: June 20, 2016, 12:52:00 am »
Ok, yeah. The question came up in a very fearful mindset. I believed that dying is serious so pretending there's some kind of control over death seemed to distract from the "seriousness."   :-*

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #50 on: June 20, 2016, 12:54:48 am »
Believe whatever you want. I would want to get in your way... much.

Love ya Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #51 on: June 22, 2016, 03:04:18 am »
These past few days I've been very bored. All the meaning has been sucked out of life and it has resulted in me just laying on a couch or the ground all day. People just talk and I hear blahblah most of the time. Occasionally there's a pang of curiosity about some emotion or sound and it animates me for a little while but that's about it. Perhaps I'm attached to disbelief or something. still further  :-\

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #52 on: June 22, 2016, 03:55:20 am »
Yup...

DragonTree

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« Reply #53 on: June 23, 2016, 05:55:33 am »
My friend [X] has this dog that he never takes care of. Since moving into this house with him I've given the dog walks and attention out of pity for him (because [X] neglects him in this regard). As time goes on and on I've slowly slipped into a habit of pestering the dog, getting annoyed by it, and sometimes even teasing it. We're moving to a new place soon and it was agreed that [X] was going to give the dog away to someone else because we'll have no yard for him. Today [X] told me he wants to keep the dog and my first thought was "this is retarded, the dog is an accessory to you" and when I stopped paying attention to that particular thought pattern my attention went to what I'll do to the dog. My plan was to completely ignore it until [X]'s own neglect becomes apparent to him.

What I just realized is that I felt the same way with how my parents treated their dog and the result was that I unconsciously developed abusive tendencies towards the dog which were based on feelings towards the owner. The exact same pattern from years ago is beginning to repeat itself.

It even emerges in different ways. My roommates consistently allow the house to get filthy and I'm generally the only one who cleans it up. The first time I cleaned the house it was fine, I like cleaning. As time goes on I'm becoming more and more pissy about cleaning up after everyone to the point where I'm whipping garbage across the house and generally entertaining a state of anger towards the task which is actually felt towards the people I blame.


Glad I'm moving out of here. If the dog comes with us I'll be quite surprised.

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #54 on: June 23, 2016, 06:23:36 am »
Yes, the dog might have the brains to not go with you. ;) ;) ;)

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #55 on: June 24, 2016, 02:37:39 am »
Jed would you say that to even know what anything means is to be actively in a trance?

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #56 on: June 24, 2016, 02:44:57 am »
Yes, that is a great way to express it. To know what anything means is to make a story up about it. BUT don't forget that last step. To make the illusion really stick you need to believe the  story. Otherwise it remains a story and only a story. The strength of belief is commensurate with the depth and stength of the illusion. Without any belief in your thoughts you are left with naked stories. Not as sexy as is sounds, but it can be fun to play with.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #57 on: June 27, 2016, 04:11:26 am »
Until the other day I had been really anti-social. I guess disbelief doesn't mean I have to go about anything differently (or even try to disbelieve something).

My perspective has changed. Every now and again get the opportunity to unplug from ideas, it really seems to come down to choice... but not really

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #58 on: June 27, 2016, 05:52:50 am »
...yes, not really...

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #59 on: July 05, 2016, 12:15:11 am »
Jed do you even have any certainty around the question "who am I"? If I were to guess it would be irrelevant due to paradigm gap.

(some tons of garbage omitted)
...Speaking of images I was in some kind of state where it seemed like I was on the other side of thoughts. The implication was that understanding language is a barrier of sorts. I could let go and not understand anything. It was an experience of having no more questions... an experience :-\  It took a few days but I realized that I was beginning to worship an experience. Truthish, informative, yet fleeting. Some stupid samadhi state or whatever tricked me  >:( gross! I **** hate being tricked... must be more careful. Thankfully, I have this word that occasionally pops into my head: further. Too bad it isn't a cooler word y'know? Like alakazam or steamroller...