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Jed McKenna

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« Reply #60 on: July 05, 2016, 12:29:02 am »
 ;) ;) ;) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) :o 8) ;) ;) ;)

DragonTree

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« Reply #61 on: July 10, 2016, 08:12:27 pm »
This morning I was thinking about how I could rip on a religious person's belief system by getting them to question it and long story short it made me realize that I have a belief system. Its all built up around junk you'd find in jed's books and these forums. I haven't been tossing out much, if I have its only to make room for the new operating system. Needless to say all that **** went up in a flash fire and I feel like I've been drinking poison
I want out. I'm tired of dicking around like this. Its disgusting. I thought I was becoming more thorough but I've only been carefully scanning within a set paradigm. I don't want 10 years, 2years, it needs to go now. This is filth. Why is anger always the response to catching mysefl anyway? Waste of time/energy. Except no, that's an answer from distortion. and that. ****. I'm ashamed. I just can't not distort things

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #62 on: July 11, 2016, 12:51:09 am »
Anger is excellent fuel, starter fuel for your engine. However, you can't run on it for long. You need to use it for what it's good for.

Don't think you are particularly special (a big human challenge/problem) you ain't. Furthermore, you will never get beyond distortions while in your body. Your will lessen them, yes, you will understand and see through them more and  more, but they will always be there to a degree.

Don't worry about it and don't be so hard on yourself. You are all you have (rather... think you have).

Jed, Nisargadatta, Ramana, and all other teachers also distort. Sometimes in an effort to teach (intentionally) and other  times just a byproduct of opening ones mouth (less intentionally). It's the way it is.

Love ya, Jed.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #63 on: July 12, 2016, 03:33:47 am »
That post was very informative and relevant. The anger was very short lived, a lot of thoughts were popping up in a "why me" manner.

I looked into Nisargadatta. The teaching is extremely simple: dwell in the sense of I am. I'm guessing people get pulled off track with this because it doesn't do anything for you. I'm drawn to this one because its something I spontaneously started doing one day many years ago before hearing of anything vaguely "spiritual." It makes me feel rooted,placid. will continue

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #64 on: July 12, 2016, 04:50:44 am »
Yes, further...

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #65 on: July 14, 2016, 12:39:56 pm »
This morning I was laying in bed and things got really still. I felt like I was a booger becoming dislodged, got a bit scared and ended up generating fear to stop it. Nothing more to say - I say fear, you say further

DragonTree

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« Reply #66 on: July 14, 2016, 02:06:14 pm »
AH the illusion of significance... that's why I'm holding down the fort like its a big deal. Lets hold that f u c k e r to the light and see what happens

DragonTree

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« Reply #67 on: July 15, 2016, 04:56:36 pm »
When you boil it down its just not accepting death. I have to let it suck me in  :-\  It seems a bit crazy, but I suppose if it seems like everything I know is about to go then it can't be me. Just gotta jump, no thinking, just falling... simple decision ;)

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #68 on: July 15, 2016, 09:41:38 pm »
Yes, very simple.. just release all.

Love ya, Jed

DragonTree

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« Reply #69 on: July 19, 2016, 02:18:28 am »
No questions in here
Today I found another layer of activity I was hiding behind. I was straining to be in the present moment which in retrospect is retarded. I let that go, then I went through and inspected all the previous hangups I've been at which ended up becoming a meditation. After watching for however long my head started ringing and my mind remarked "into the abyss we go!" I just watched. It was an experience (of a non-experience sort) but that's not it. I was in and out like pizza in the oven and the fact that I wasn't scared of this time was unfortunately reassuring.
It seems like I could have gone deeper somehow but that's just another expectation to find a thing in a thing. <-judgement

Cutting off belief of jedmckenna books is one of the best things I've ever done. My mind drones on and if I'm watching I'll catch various different beliefs over the years that I just never let go of. If I go through content again it's only to monitor if I agree or disagree, then I can just not. I thought I had a question when I began typing but I'd rather not ask and just see for myself.

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #70 on: July 20, 2016, 01:55:02 am »
Sounds like a plan..

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #71 on: July 21, 2016, 02:01:56 am »
 >:(
If every factor that exists is illusory there's no illusion that could undo illusion. Is that true? It makes me think that doing nothing is also a something... like having your name be "nameless" or even something like a terrible dad joke- "Dad I'm hungry! Hi Hungry I'm Dad."

Then I'm sitting here 'dwelling in the sense of I am'
It was a lot easier when I started, I don't know what to dwell in anymore. If there's anything to dwell in its not I, and I can't just 'be' because that's already being done (or is it?). That provokes "what am I?" which leads to  ???
I wonder if I should even bother but I guess I should, since I am.  If I knew how to stop running I'd like to think I would, but it looks like I'm gonna have to sprint until I break a lung.

Oh I seem to have fallen into poverty/debt somewhere along the way but lets just trust that it sorts itself out.

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #72 on: July 21, 2016, 03:05:47 am »
Remember, poverty is just 'state' and all states come and go. T/R never comes and never goes.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #73 on: July 22, 2016, 05:10:48 am »
"Remember, poverty is just 'state' and all states come and go. T/R never comes and never goes."
Yes that looks quite similar to a thread I was tugging on earlier. I boiled a statement down to "nothing can only be nothing if it is relative to something, meaning that things can only appear to be (or not be) due to relativity.
There's more juice to be squeezed here but I wanted to get this down before I go to bed.

It puts impossible guru speak into perspective though. "neither nothing nor something," etc
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Jed McKenna

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« Reply #74 on: July 22, 2016, 05:43:11 am »
 ;) :P :-*