Author Topic: subject  (Read 9343 times)

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #30 on: June 06, 2016, 04:15:29 pm »
The current method I'm using is basically mindfulness. Basically I expect that I'll see more unconscious processes and somehow that'll reveal the me, peel it away, then realize truth, fly away into the sunset, etc.

The flaw with this is that any method implies a goal. I'm trying to make truth a goal by any effort towards it (effectively pushing it away).

So right now I feel as though there's nothing I could possibly do to realize truth, yet I'm not realized, suggesting that I'm lying to myself and there's still belief that I can make it happen. This would explain why I'm still posting. Somehow I believe that posting here will make something happen, either through jed or through brainstorming.

Emotionally it still feels like I have to do something yet logically I know nothing works. That's a lie, I seem to think I have to burn myself out, yet there's a contradiction there because I know that putting effort anywhere is fruitless so I don't even want to bother. It seems like the next thing I'd normally do is stick with the emotion but I've played that strategy and I'm done with biting my own tail... (that's a lie)


Further? That's pretty much saying don't stay here, which implies keep moving forward... even though there's no point.

I feel like I want to be frustrated but the emotion is MIA.
...pointless