Author Topic: subject  (Read 8402 times)

DragonTree

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Re: subject
« Reply #225 on: May 17, 2017, 07:55:35 pm »
I've been thinking about that last reply quite a bit. I don't really know who this guy is and the best way to find out is to let him wander the world unimpeded . When I spot those times I try to control others I just spin it into a joke, maybe write it down for later, and laugh it off. Instead of typing randomly (in SA) until I find something interesting I've just been waiting for the times I resist the world and go into those moments with writing later on. It seems to me this is 'skillful means' (term got stuck in my head earlier). I dunno today reading the writing on this forum it all just seems a lot more personal. is that paradoxical? its shrugworthy ;D

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #226 on: May 18, 2017, 12:39:40 am »
Every experience is ''shrugable''.

Love ya, Jed.

P.S. Why? Because it's an experience... and besides, I said so.  :o :o :o ::) ::) ::)  :P
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DragonTree

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« Reply #227 on: May 20, 2017, 11:42:51 am »
A few days ago someone made a mean joke at my expense so i went into it and decided that the root is being too much of a "nice" person, acting in a way that cares about what they think or something along those lines. So I decide I need to start saying no to others more often or something.

I received an email outlining my work schedule for the following week and I've been getting more and more days I told the employer I didn't want up to a point where I'm going to be working a week of night shift which I explicitly denied at some point, so I just quit. It made perfect sense to quit, I have no idea how I'm going to make rent next month or anything but I'm surprised how easy it was to just leave. A few weeks ago I felt that there was no way I could just walk out.

DragonTree

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« Reply #228 on: May 26, 2017, 04:09:31 pm »
ok so lately I've been doing away with the other (so to speak). example: "I hate that guy" translates to "I hate myself." theres a lot of stuff to do and I'll spare you elaboration.

It makes a ton of sense to work this way when I encounter all these petty offences. I've worked through a couple of them and there's always a huge difference in my world afterwords. I don't know if there's actually a difference but enemies become friends and all that, it seems like affecting the perception has external ramifications. And these are all very petty, when I started it was a few bigger things but the digger you deep the more and more petty and numerous these things get, I jot notes to tackle these things, put notifications on my phone, make mental notes. I'm not keeping up, each little offence takes close to half an hour to thoroughly work through and its worth every one. I'll strike the sun if it offends me. Mountains of work, 1 thing at a time. I'm not really in a hurry.

There its off my mind i would like to sleep.

DragonTree

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« Reply #229 on: June 02, 2017, 07:12:01 pm »
"Hey I watched that show you mentioned"
"did you like it?"
"uhhh"
I hadn't noticed at first, but it seems that striking away the thingy(s) that make me dislike things is also taking away the likes of things. Both being the same cheap-high. I had a lucid dream the other night where instead of the normal pattern of noticing its a dream and flying around the world going on a sex rampage I instead checked out the grass. Its very real seeming, perhaps realer than reality*.

I read from damndest "...enlightenment is independent of consciousness"
ugh. Why bother?

I've been following a trend towards 'adulty' things. Uprooted this people-pleasing thing and I can't leave the house without pissing people off. I think its great, sometimes you're left thinking "damn lighten up will ya!" When I quit my job I got offers for everything I previously asked for (and was declined) and I turned down these propositions for different hours, pay raise, and all that. It was interesting to see the moment they lost hope of me remaining there to help out. I eat hope for breakfast. Are people only happy with me if I do what they want? If so, they can suck it.

I'm starting to wonder if homelessness is really bad at all. I could probably eat a can of beans a day and be A OK, and knowing that I'm at least a little bit afraid of it I'll probably end up taking a tour at some point. Doing nothing these past few days has really led to me wondering how my current situation fits and what could possibly be next. Exciting!

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #230 on: June 04, 2017, 02:10:42 am »
 ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

DragonTree

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« Reply #231 on: June 08, 2017, 02:30:34 am »
I was killing time, turned on a movie and bam! Saw a guy in a uniform and I've had this unshakeable idea that I need to go join the military. I checked out some positions where I could be a pencilpusher or something but trashed the idea in favour of going for something like a grunt (more likely to face combat). It seems to make a lot of sense but at the same time I'm afraid of getting killed  :-\   Might have to go... march into a desert (wonder how long that idea has been cooking up).
For now I need to figure out why I'm hesitant to go, in the meantime my options are drying up forcing my hand to a certain extent. I asked for the next thing to make itself known and it did and it sucks  :)

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #232 on: June 10, 2017, 12:53:50 am »
.... only to a mind, Truth couldn't care less.

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #233 on: June 11, 2017, 09:04:04 pm »
Aware of awareness... even shifting awareness to a leg for example is automagic. I'm not awareness. What could possibly be left? Gears are turning every now and then in the brain and I don't like it, well, its not liked.
Can't really force acceptance, like in your happiness post you say embrace your misery and I come at it from a veiled angle as to eliminate it by embracing it,,, embracing is probably not what's going on. Every question that arises along that string is from the want to eliminate it and the want doesn't seem to go away.
Should I want to not want misery to go away? Just kidding, same thing.
Wish I could just be satisfied to some degree :'(
Is that the issue? it seems to imply belief in unsatisfied-ness but I'm beginning to think I've never actually hit a belief and i'm still spinning in circles for motion.
The same issues have always been popping up and I've only ever had bandaid solutions.


drama, and an urge to show that its not drama
« Last Edit: June 12, 2017, 02:57:45 am by DragonTree »

Jed McKenna

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Re: subject
« Reply #234 on: June 13, 2017, 08:50:10 am »
Like Comey, I am feeling mildly nauseous. What are you saying?

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #235 on: June 19, 2017, 04:23:06 am »
Jed are you sentient?   If I were to guess you'd say something along the lines of nobody to be sentient. What I'm really trying to figure out is if I'm sentient... Is there anything to be sentient? No. Is there sentience? A part of me seems to think that in absence there is some kind of sentience and that is stemming from an assumption about what "awake" means. That must be missing the mark, if it means anything it gotta be sleep, like there's anything to mean anything.


I usually feel ashamed in some way when I post. I don't approve  ???
I don't like that I think I'm a dabbler.
I sigh when I login to see that Jed responded.
I think he thinks i'm not a serious person for this forum's purpose so I'm wasting his time and should buzz off [now replace him with me]
I think I think [who] i'm not a serious person for this forum's purpose so I'm wasting my time and should buzz off. Hah! (is there any value in doing that?)
Can autolyse these, you're welcome for the dizziness

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #236 on: June 19, 2017, 05:27:11 am »
Sentience is a concept. How real is that?

Love ya, Jed.

DragonTree

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« Reply #237 on: June 26, 2017, 07:10:20 am »
Are thoughts simply a reaction to a stimulus I am not aware of? When thoughts come one after another the "linkage" from the first to the second can be observed in retrospect as an assumed knowledge. It seems like beliefs hide in this unobservable, thought-causing shroud but perhaps by questioning how thoughts are chained to one another is it possible to dissolve the links?

DragonTree

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« Reply #238 on: June 26, 2017, 11:32:01 am »
You know what instead of figuring out what I 'believe' its of much more use to figure out what I 'know.' It's minor but it makes a large difference

Jed McKenna

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« Reply #239 on: June 26, 2017, 11:20:40 pm »
Tell me exactly what you ''know''. What you know with absolute certainty down to the level of your illusory cells.

Love ya, Jed.