Author Topic: The awe-full truth  (Read 4052 times)

EternalDawning

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #90 on: September 18, 2018, 12:41:22 pm »
It’s amazing what people do to sell themselves and others on this idea. It’s like a whole layer of billshit social/emotional currency maintaining some strange manipulative fantasy of need and fulfillment.  Uggg what a shitholle connundrum to wake up to.

If someone believe’s they care, do they really?   Why do I care if anybody cares, except for the mutual benefit of believing it’s true?  I think I still care just as much as anybody does except that I see a superimposed layer of (conscious or unconscious) manufactured emotions mucking up the view.  It’s like a romantic fantasy tool tied into unfulfilled childhood needs.  It’s like I want to see it and I don’t want to see it at the same time. 



Jed McKenna

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #91 on: September 19, 2018, 02:45:54 am »
I totally understand and I don't have a clue what you are saying, but you seem to know appear to know something, stick with it.

Love ya, Jed

EternalDawning

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #92 on: September 19, 2018, 04:24:06 pm »
I understand you not understanding that.   Just exploding my mind and looking at the pieces from different perspectives.  Appearing to know something and knowing I know nothing.  Sometimes just seeing things from a completely different angle is enough to open something up and clean out the spiders and cobwebs... and also shock me when I see the shelf paper lining from the 70’s.  Ugggg.

I appreciate the service you provide here.  Thanks for responding.  It’s helpful and nice and makes me feel like I’m not alone, even though I am and I’m talking to myself.  :p

Jed McKenna

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #93 on: September 20, 2018, 01:47:31 am »
I've been doing this for quite a while and still enjoy it. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here.

Of course, I'm not really hear in Truth, but one has to use this silly language at times.

Love ya, Jed.

EternalDawning

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #94 on: September 20, 2018, 01:31:53 pm »
I knew you would say that. 

My mind explodes seeing connections and realizing the cause and effect and unwinding it all to a very simple basic cohesive picture that aligns with reality (or so it seems to).  The constant attraction to recognize predictable patterns is built into my brain.  I get amazed and inspired by ideas and loose interest in them just as quickly.   I just keep watching the live feed going on in my head.  Can I just accept and be still with my overactive brain and allow it but stop engaging with it’s processing?  I try to practice this because it seems some of these patterns are just going to be there and wanting it to be any different just supports a non-reality about my relationship to my thinking.  (Does that make sense?) 

I see my mind like a ball of string bouncing down the hall unrolling itself. Soon it won’t be a ball at all, just a single line of string but the sense of it having been identified with being a ball is still there. So weird. 



Jed McKenna

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #95 on: September 21, 2018, 06:45:12 am »
Not weird at all. Now play with your ball of string like a cat would.

Love ya, Jed

EternalDawning

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #96 on: September 21, 2018, 11:26:33 am »
I like playing with that idea.
Better from the perspective of the cat (detached), than identified with the ball or the string. 

Strange things happen when identifying with the string (the whole thing). It all gets so perfect and instantaneous  it freaks out the ball of string to realize it’s not real but that what is is and always was it and itself. 

Identified as a ball of string, remembering it’s all imaginary is an entirely odd thing and the source of this great dilema.  The shape of itself is constantly changing and diminishing rapidly, it’s end is endlessly approaching. It is a definition that exists only for a single point in time. 

Why do I keep making it important and thinking I am that, forgetting I am the string and there’s nothing to worry about?  It’s like I resist the magic of it in favor of the struggle.  But then it flips and the magic is just mundane and the way it is and I feel entirely stupid and laugh at myself again. 

Now I’ve just become a crazy person, the ball of string says to itself.  Ahh well, everything is temporary, it remembers, finding solice in the same answer. 

« Last Edit: September 21, 2018, 11:34:17 am by EternalDawning »

Jed McKenna

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #97 on: September 22, 2018, 12:04:48 am »
 :P :P :P ::) 8) ;) :-*

EternalDawning

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #98 on: October 19, 2018, 03:21:22 pm »
This post is breaking the rules.  Please forgive my rambling.  This is my attempt to not feel so isolated with thoughts like this and also helps me look at it.  Would love to hear your thoughts or a nice smack in the forhead.

It’s interesting when I take time to step back and look at everything. Like walking past a mirror if one could imagine never having seen one before, it’s hard not to come back to it again and again to try to understand it/oneself.  Reminds me of the story of narcissist, a common theme and symbol these days. What is this play coming to?

My mind is compulsively defining. Biologically based and predictable in nature.

Who am I?  Can’t define that honestly, but over time with some perspective, I see the obvious predictable pattern of a someone.  A person it seems.  It’s me but it’s not me. The mind can’t define itself but can seem to nearly induce or experience the sense of a wholistic notion it can’t itself bridge the gap to.  It attempts to caress the edges of a it symbolically, poetically maybe.  It’s amazingly flat by comparison to the knowing of it and yet I try to study and make sense out of it so my mind has something to land on that’s solid and reliable.

It’s a bizarre thing to experience infinitely expansive timeless views of everything and then spend most of my time **** around, scrambling around, distracting myself and returning again and again to this odd **** realization I can’t shake and haven’t fully wrapped my brain around.  My natural curiosity and addiction to defining and understanding and figuring things out seems to sometimes be the veil obscuring the experience of knowing it.  How silly is that?

I think I want to find a way of understanding it more fully to deal with fear of manifesting and fear of the undefined. 

When consciousness blends into or get’s in tune with ... I’ll just call it, the undefined state, some interesting perspectives occur.  The manifestation of thoughts and inability to distinguish/define what is in charge by this cause/effect regime can be disturbing.  When I don’t get entangled in some thought about it I experience feeling embraced by the understanding that comes automatically and experience a sense of unconditional love and all of this cause/effect merging and it’s ridiculously amazing.

The desire to be in that state in itself I think is an addiction but one that leads to letting go of the addiction to self defeating/limited thinking patterns.

I see fears come up, like it’s not socially or financially preferable to accept a wholistic paradigm and full responsibility and step away from the methods of “attaining” and “understanding” things I and everyone seems so used to.  I can look at and question the attachments that lead to those concerns and dissolve them over time, but it does seem to take time and attention to allow it. 

What do you do with your mind when you just don’t seem to want to let it go even though it seems a bit insane, stubborn and irrational?
« Last Edit: October 19, 2018, 03:33:04 pm by EternalDawning »

Jed McKenna

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #99 on: October 20, 2018, 12:03:39 am »
Let's see if I have a handle on things here. You want ''mind'', that thingy that got into this pickle, to come up with a way to get you out??? Does this sound like how things really are? A little ''catch 22 ish''.  ??? ???

What comes to me (as is often the case), is do the unexpected. Absolutely nothing. Give up trying, thinking, being a cunning manipulator. Try this, take one week of and just watch mind, thinking, stories, etc. As best you can, try not to evaluate/judge anything that arises. You are an independent observer of everything that appears to you for one week. THEN, report back to me.

Eazy peezy, start NOW!

Love ya, Jed.

EternalDawning

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #100 on: October 29, 2018, 12:14:31 pm »
A great pointer and exercise.  Thank you. 

I notice thinking happening.  I stop responding.  I remember I am.

I see, I am not the collection of thoughts I think I am. Never could be. I see the concept of consciousness break down into nothing, just a dream.
 
It slips away again into forgetting and believing I am the character an inscessent everchanging play.

Thinking attempts to get a handle on it.  There's no basis for defining it.  No words to shape or invoke it.  It just is inescapable . 

Thinking wants to know what to do with this.  A laugh from within.  It puts a handle on it again and thinks it's going to do something with it.

It wants to file this away.  Thinking is always desiring a conclusion and in this case the conclusion is, none can be made.

I'm making this practice of watching, a pattern every day.  It fosters an expansive perspective which is like solvent to the function of perceiving/defining which is then easy to let go.  It's consistently building so the need of letting go is consistent.  In a sense, like breathing out all of this input that is constantly falling into place around me, reflecting a story. 

I try to think again about what thinking cannot know.  I let it go.

Jed McKenna

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Re: The awe-full truth
« Reply #101 on: October 29, 2018, 09:57:08 pm »
Great.... let it go, ALL OF IT!

Love ya, Jed.