Hi Jed, how are you? I am a long time reader of your work, but recently found out about this forum. I emailed you few years back where I compared my spiritual journey to a car with dead battery, I keep holding the key in ignition to Start. It feels like the car is about to start but never quite does so. Some times I feel like sitting and meditating, quieting my mind and being aware and it feels like I can sit like this for eternity of time, other times even a moment of doing this dreads me. There are times a strong force pushes me towards my spiritual journey, this force can last from days to weeks to months, and then I am back into the world engaged in Maya. This force comes and goes at random. I do not know what this force is that pushes me, just a strong inner feeling that I have to do this, there is no more time left, this is it, this is it. In the last few weeks, I've had an experience twice when going to bed at night. My body was falling asleep, but I was awake, I was experiencing the body falling into sleep, and I have never felt death any closer than I did at those moments. I was scared, I wanted to wake up, but also wanted to die in that sleep, not physically of course. I feel the time is running out, not sure what to do. I have read too many books, listen to too many discourses and many teachers. I am very scientific minded. I like your style because you don't add BS like past lives and miracles etc. You say logic and reason is not a good way on the path to spirituality, while it may be true, but I believe logic and reason has saved me countless hours listening to or following bogus teachers. Some times when even a true teacher starts talking about remembering his past lives etc., it makes me doubt if even this spirituality or enlightenment is real or just a fiction of the mind. I would appreciate any help you can provide for me. What is the fastest route to enlightenment? I don't care how hard it is to walk upon it. Time seems to be the only matter to me.
Love you Jed,
Waiting for Self Annihilation.