Author Topic: The Long Journey  (Read 1663 times)

Anonymous

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The Long Journey
« on: July 05, 2016, 11:54:29 pm »
Hi Jed, how are you? I am a long time reader of your work, but recently found out about this forum. I emailed you few years back where I compared my spiritual journey to a car with dead battery, I keep holding the key in ignition to Start. It feels like the car is about to start but never quite does so. Some times I feel like sitting and meditating, quieting my mind and being aware and it feels like I can sit like this for eternity of time, other times even a moment of doing this dreads me. There are times a strong force pushes me towards my spiritual journey, this force can last from days to weeks to months, and then I am back into the world engaged in Maya. This force comes and goes at random. I do not know what this force is that pushes me, just a strong inner feeling that I have to do this, there is no more time left, this is it, this is it. In the last few weeks, I've had an experience twice when going to bed at night. My body was falling asleep, but I was awake, I was experiencing the body falling into sleep, and I have never felt death any closer than I did at those moments. I was scared, I wanted to wake up, but also wanted to die in that sleep, not physically of course. I feel the time is running out, not sure what to do. I have read too many books, listen to too many discourses and many teachers. I am very scientific minded. I like your style because you don't add BS like past lives and miracles etc. You say logic and reason is not a good way on the path to spirituality, while it may be true, but I believe logic and reason has saved me countless hours listening to or following bogus teachers. Some times when even a true teacher starts talking about remembering his past lives etc., it makes me doubt if even this spirituality or enlightenment is real or just a fiction of the mind. I would appreciate any help you can provide for me. What is the fastest route to enlightenment? I don't care how hard it is to walk upon it. Time seems to be the only matter to me.

Love you Jed,
Waiting for Self Annihilation.

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Jed McKenna

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2016, 12:24:23 am »
Dear Anon:

Thank you for you post and welcome to the forum. You sound a little vague, but no problem.

I happen to agree with you in that, at least on the human scale of things, time is running out. It does't matter in the least because it's similar to the browning leaves of autumn. Just and experience in the human domain and experiences are like passing clouds. And, I happen to agree with all the past life, miracles and the like. Just more human toys to distract children.

You want the fasted way to T/R... if you are meant to get it right now you will...  ::) ::) ::) so, did you get it?  :P :P :P

I assume not as you are still reading this. So, the fastest way  to get 'it' is to give up completely, to on a seeking fast. Stop seeking anything. Just relax and breathe. Experience what is in front of you right now.

Bet you can't do it...  ??? ??? ???

Love ya, Jed

P.S. there are other ways.

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Anonymous

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #2 on: July 06, 2016, 12:48:07 am »
Thanks Jed!. No I didn't get it, but your words did hit my mind like a lightening strike, it went so blank for few seconds that I could hear my heartbeat. I am trying to do as you said, just relaxing and breathing. I am at work, sitting in front of the computer screen. I feel like just sitting here and doing absolutely nothing at all. Just staring at the screen, but focus is on being aware of whoever it is looking through my eyes. Hmm.. it has a kind of pleasant and satisfactory feeling to it. Wish I could just sit here without worrying about my boss coming past and asking me how much work has been done, or worrying about getting the errands done which I need to do before picking up my wife and making sure I am not late. How can I just sit here in peace without worrying about outside factors affecting me? Without looking out of the corner of my eyes for my boss and looking at the time every few minutes? My mind can not be quiet and do these things at the same time.

Love,
« Last Edit: July 06, 2016, 12:49:52 am by Anonymous »

Jed McKenna

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #3 on: July 06, 2016, 01:15:29 am »
Work when working, meditate when meditating.

Love ya, Jed.

Anonymous

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2016, 10:36:44 pm »
Hi Jed, how are you? Can you please tell me the basic definition of human adulthood? Over the years, I have tried to dis-engage myself from myself, my emotions, my actions, my thoughts and my feelings. I try to see things from 3rd person perspective, but sometimes this can be hard during arguments. Some times I try to see things from 3rd perspective after the situation has took place. I judge myself and my actions just as I judge other people, and try to see things from their point of view as well. I try to see my emotions rise and fall. Is this human adulthood? If it is, then it's not something I worked to get here, it is a result of listening to OSHO and other great teachers and also trying to be aware of myself. I am usually an easy going guy and comfortable in most situations and environments, but I am also a very lazy person. I would rather sleep or sit in a chair and do nothing or sit on my computer and read articles or watch videos. I am a knowledge freak and very curious guy. I like to learn and accumulate knowledge, is this a hindrance for my path to spirituality? I don't really see the point of anything worth doing. I don't really wish to die, but there is no more desire to live anymore either, and the only way I see is truth realization. That's why I feel that the time is running out and desire for living just keeps diminishing as well. I am afraid of what might become of me if truth realization doesn't come any sooner. Can you please help me giving some direction? Please don't take it easy on me, if you want to criticise me anyway, I would happily accept it. I prefer honesty and truth. Thanks Jed. Love you.

Regards,

Jed McKenna

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #5 on: July 09, 2016, 11:35:29 pm »
Dear Anon:

Your questions are good. But you are wasting your time. Like so many folks you are hiding, playing it safe, afraid of living, seeking knowledge that you think will free you up, turn you into a something.

You have a space suit and certain tendencies come with that. Don't worry about spiritual baffle gab and NABS, what are you afraid of? You don't need to know why, and any answer you get you should discard. Forget about who am I, go for 'what am I afraid of'. DO NOT TRY TO RATIONALIZE THE ANSWER. That's just more brain b.s. and you have plenty of that.

H/A to you is finding out what you are afraid of, and then what more you are afraid of , and on and on.

Love ya, Jed

Anonymous

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2016, 11:18:06 pm »
Hi Jed, well other than heights, I am afraid of people knowing the real me (from ego perspective). Some secrets and emotions, which may make me look weak in eyes of the other, I am afraid to show them to others. I am afraid of failure to achieve TR. I am afraid to even tell people that I am chasing TR. I want to appear normal in front of others, but want to keep these things personal... may be that's the word I should use.. "Personal" rather than "Real me"... I am a very personal person.. hmm.. any way to blow a hole in this spacesuit which can suck this person out of it, so that only emptiness remains inside? Thanks Jed.

One Love.

Jed McKenna

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2016, 12:30:40 am »
What if all you had to do was decide? Decide to let go of wanting control (you ain't got it anyways), wanting to be loved and accepted (there is no one out there to do that, it's all you) and wanting to survive (I guarantee that your ego and body won't, anything that was born dies, the real you is unborn and hence never dies).

So, what are you wasting your time for... just decide, RIGHT NOW!

Love  ya, Jed.

Anonymous

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #8 on: July 15, 2016, 01:02:28 am »
Hi Jed, thanks. I have decided  :). Something got stuck with me a while ago what adyashanti said in one of his videos. He said something along the lines of "Try to be aware of that which is looking through your eyes". Then in another video he said something like "what you are is not even consciousness,what you are is even beyond that". When I try to go beyond that, to see what is even aware of this consciousness, I feel like there is a black hole, some kind of void. I don't have any questions at the moment.

Jed McKenna

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #9 on: July 15, 2016, 03:20:32 am »
 :o :o :o :o 8)

Anonymous

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #10 on: July 17, 2016, 11:35:09 pm »
Hi Jed, in my previous posts, I mentioned there is some force which pushes me towards search for enlightenment, but now I realize there is also a force (fear) that pushes me away from it also. In all my previous attempts, usually I try to give it all I can, and after a few months of meditation, being aware, counting the steps when walking, feeling the glass when drinking water and each sip I take, blah blah.. I start to get a fearful feeling (of emptiness?  ???).. and then not sure how, but next thing I realize is that I am hanging out with friends and completely unaware of myself, back to that maya and unconsciousness, feeding my mind again with movies and tv etc. So my questions is how can I overcome that fear this time, if I happen to come across it again, and keep moving forward? A lot of teachers say you have to let go of everything, even the fear of death and enlightenment will come to you. Isn't that like a doctor telling you to cure yourself of cancer and then come see me, and I will give you medicine? Shouldn't letting go of fear and everything else be a symptom of enlightenment, rather than requirement? Please guide me  :'(.

Love you Jed.

Jed McKenna

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #11 on: July 17, 2016, 11:54:11 pm »
Letting go is neither a precursor, a symptom or a result. It's more like a concurrence in your journey towards self and realizing that the seeker is the sought and the sought is the seeker.

Love ya, Jed.

Anonymous

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2016, 08:11:28 pm »
Hi Jed, I've been trying vigorously to be aware and present in current moment, feel my self here, in the body.. blah blah.. it was a bit hard in the beginning, but I must admit lately has been some what better. I've been reading N's "I am that", along with Zen/Sufi poems, koans etc to keep me motivated. I can notice more silent gaps in my mind than before. There are moments so peaceful that even to speak feels like so much effort. It's not that mind has stopped, but it's just not as loud and powerful anymore, but it's still constant, and doesn't touch me as much. There are moments I jump and dance with joy, and there are moments I feel the life has been sucked out of this world that I use to see everyday. The bright colours that used to attract me are now dull and boring. Silent prevails in the background.. and now no longer feel myself in the body.. but "Just am"... Mind is still here, but is usually slayed fiercely with the sword of awareness... but sometimes it comes wearing spiritual robes and does drift me away.. I am still trying to go further and further, even though that "I" seems like some distant past, someone I used to know.. Please let me know if you have any suggestions. Thanks Jed.

Love you.

Jed McKenna

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2016, 10:29:03 pm »
If you can experience it, then it is not IT.

Now, my suggestion is, guess what... further.

Love ya, Jed

Anonymous

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Re: The Long Journey
« Reply #14 on: September 07, 2016, 08:27:02 pm »
Thanks Jed. I never took the experience to be IT, but more as a sign post that may be I am on the right track.. i mostly feel lost most of the time... I never have experiences like most people.. how they claim to have "oneness" experience that lasted half an hour.. or so.. That peace I was referring to in my last post is no longer here... it comes and goes but I am trying not to cling to it or wanting for it to come back, but not having it makes me feel that may be I am not going further.. I saw that as a sign of progress, but now there is no sign. It will probably come again, it will probably go again.. but that worries me not. I just wish to be free already. Not sure what more I have to do, thought still arise, feeling and emotions come and go too, it seems mind has picked up pace again after a little break.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2016, 08:28:37 pm by Anonymous »