Hi Jed, I have arrived at a very confusing place. No matter how far I go, truth is always further. Thoughts can not reach it, but then how do I know it's the truth? I have come so far in this journey.. yet I feel like I haven't moved at all.
I have already accepted death few times on this path.. the further I keep going, whole of existence starts begging me not to wake up. The Reality in front of me is just as fluid as the Mind in the back. Reality changes and weird things start happening the further I go. Coincidences which are not possible by random chances. I was given all of life's answers I ever wanted and so many desires on the way, but I keep going accepting nothing and rejecting nothing.
I am, and yet I am not. It's beyond and beyond and beyond. I feel like it's all just me, but I know this isn't it. I have woken up before, and I had no words to describe that state. I am tired. I have no energy to keep going but I can't stop either. Already accepted death, faced fears and removed beliefs. What else is remaining that is in the way? Is it the 'I'? How do I remove that last I? I want truth more than anything.
At this moment, I have arrived at 'Nothingness'. The stillness that always remains whether I move or stay still. Good, bad, right, wrong.. everything is disappearing. But I know this isn't it. Truth is further..