INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Hi Jed, how are you? Just a little update, I have been trying the "Here and Now" and feeling the "Presence" for last couple of months, but yesterday I watched one of Mooji's video, which has me thinking since last night. I am trying to find the "I" that has been doing everything and I can't find it. I understand it intellectually now that "I" is made up of thought/memories, without any real essence. I have been creating I's out of thin air, including the I that is saying this right now. For every "I" I create and destroy, hundred other rise up to take it's place. There is an I that saw the previous I, there's an I that destroyed the I, there is an I that felt proud, there is an I that thinks Jed is going to pat me on the back, hahahaha I (<another **** I) see this so **** clearly now how the I is created out of thin air.. it's a **** joke. There is an I that wants to get enlightened, there is an I which wants to be free.. **** there are so many many many I's... and when I try to find them, they vanish, only to come back again when I am not questioning it's existence... but then again, where is the **** I which is questioning? I thought I was spiritually mature but I haven't even taken the first step yet.. wait, which **** I hasn't taken the first step?? LOL... what a **** joke.

Love ya.

P.S. I wanted to ask you how do I create stopping I's, then I realized I will be creating another "I" that wants to stop creating "I"'s.. but it's too late, I already created another I which has realized it will be creating another I. LOL.. the biggest joke is being played in my mind right now.

Thanks Jed. Something happened 2 days ago, I was at a carnival, and all of a sudden in middle of the crowd, something happened. I can't even remember much of it, as if the memory stopped recording. It was probably an experience where I felt like a cloud of awareness around the body, and body was kind of in me, or it wasn't, not even sure anymore. Everything I was doing was kind of happening spontaneously, My mind was not peaceful, no not at all, in fact it was shooting out thoughts like no tomorrow, trying to analyse this experience from every angle. Time wasn't there.. or was there.. not sure. It lasted 3-4 hours, when it was happening, it felt very ordinary. I asked myself during this experience "Am I still seeking enlightenment", but I felt fulfilled. Like there was nothing to seek anymore. I don't think I felt any oneness at all, objects were still separate. I honestly thought I woke up, but I guess I didn't. Something did change afterwards though, I do kind of feel hollow on the inside. I don't feel there is anymore energy left to go further. The mind is full in form and the Imaginary-Me that used to watch the thoughts and "I"s feels exhausted to keep going further.. how can the imaginary-self go further anyway? I can't scoop water out with imaginary glass.. I don't know what to do. I feel stuck. Oh and another thing, When i used to do the "Being" or "Feeling Presence" meditation, I used to feel awareness as a focused point somewhere in my body. Now I feel it as unfocused, can't really locate myself. I need help

I really don't know what to do.. it feels there is nothing to do.. but if I do nothing, I can feel the mind creeping in and taking claim again. It has been running even more wilder than before and it has become harder to catch in action. It feels like I am back to square one.. hmm I will keep trying what I was doing before (feeling presence) and will report back.

Hi Jed, I've been reading this book about direct pointing, to see how there is no "You" in you.. and how I don't exist... and finally had a breakthrough.. I saw how everything was just happening.. by itself.. yet no one there.. not me, no one else.. nothing.. and all was just ONE thing going on.. lol.. I think it was a quick glimpse... however this "I" has come back. I am not sure if I should keep doing "Being/Presence" practice or "Contemplation" and keep trying to find/lose the "I"... or may be both through out the day. F*** i feel like there is nothing I can do, since it doesn't exist... but the sense of I is still there.. and now another "I" is resisting this sense of "I".. arrgghh... MINDDD JUST F*** OFF!!!!

Love ya.

Thanks Jed. Further I go....

Hi Jed,

Sorry to resurrect a dead post. Just went through my last posts and.. oh boy.. how far have I come, and how much I am still at the same place.

I only have one, and one confusion left. I have seen through the illusion of the self. I know there is no such thing as a me. There never was, there never will be. There is just THIS!, just THIS!, that which can not be transmitted in words. I have seen it.

Everytime I wake up from this dream, the mind comes back, whether a minute, an hour, or few hours later, and poof! I am back in the dream.

Since then, I've had so many insights. I know everything is just my imagination, EVERYTHING!!!

I have seen that I don't exist and yet I am the only thing that there is.. talk about paradoxes right?

I know what I've been looking for is the one looking at everything.. even awareness and consciousness. I am beyond them both.. I am that which looks at every single thing.

All delusions are gone, and I know that I know nothing!! I know absolutely nothing.

So my last delusion is this: When you truly see that there is no you, you see the truth as it is. Are you always suppose to be seeing the same truth all the time, or do you come back from that and there is a forever letting go till the day you die? Was that a glimpse of death? My mind thinks that it should always be "without self" and I should always be in that moment. I just don't know.. I just can't stop chasing that.

Thanks Jed. I just keep getting glimpses of waking up from the dream, but I can't stay awake.

Even this absolute, it's all part of the dream right? I don't wish to dream anymore, I just want to wake up.

I just want to be absolutely nothing.. just want to be awake. But it's not easy letting go of this story..

I don't care for infinite expansion, I don't care for this oneness, I don't care about bliss.. I just want to wake up.