You've already got a sense of what ''knowing'' is like but you aren't paying attention to yourself. How do you know you are making everything up, as you said? You just know. Describe it as a feeling if you like, no problem, but it is a feeling of knowing. As you dig deeper you will get the feeling of knowing that nothing is knowable. It's not going to come from your head and your thinking, it will just be a feeling. Taking it further you will realize (eventually) that Truth Is.. and is the only thingy that is.
So, do you want T/R or do you just want become a happy adult? Your choice, maybe.... but find out for yourself and don't listen to me.
Love ya, Jed.