Author Topic: TRN  (Read 1805 times)

TRN

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TRN
« on: November 08, 2016, 12:30:56 am »
Deleted my last thread because I feel that re-reading things I wrote will only result in more misunderstanding. Start all new. For lack of better words, it's ego's one and only job to go against the flow of operation to protect the illusion that it exists. There's still work to do for me.

Reading the Yoga thread I realize that I'm no better than the gym tools bragging about how much they can lift. Same thing manifests in different ways.

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Jed McKenna

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Re: TRN
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2016, 12:33:09 am »
 ;) ;) ;)

TRN

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Re: TRN
« Reply #2 on: November 09, 2016, 08:23:27 am »
A thought to throw out there and see what happens next

In my autolysis I ended everything at Truth/perception is.
But perception doesn't stand on its own either I suspect, there has to be "things perceived" for it to exist.

Awareness/appearance might be a better way to put it, does awareness exist when there is no appearance? The question "Why something instead of nothing?" might be a variation of it?

Can there be no appearance? On the top of my head I'm inclined to say yes, certainly? Death of the physical body will sure kill all senses and put "my" perception to an end. But I can't rule out the possibility of new perceiving entities being created. It can't be proved, either. And there's always the mistake of taking the form/body/manifested as the underlying principle/perception. Which circles back to the same question, does awareness exist without appearance?

Not exactly sure, we'll see later
« Last Edit: November 09, 2016, 08:35:01 am by TRN »

TRN

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Re: TRN
« Reply #3 on: November 09, 2016, 09:02:32 am »
Also am I stepping too far? Biting more than I can chew??

Jed McKenna

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Re: TRN
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2016, 09:43:04 am »
Perhaps hallucinating a little. Just stick with your now-experience.

Love ya, Jed.

TRN

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Re: TRN
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2016, 01:50:55 am »
Two days ago I drew the sword across the me I thought I was. It was a very intense moment, but I can't describe or explain it accurately right now because of the uncertainties in interpretation that comes with what's past and memory.

In short, there were no relief. It's all quite unexpected because from the practices prior to that, when some of the beliefs about the self are illuminated with focused attention it automatically results in a sense of freedom and the natural ability to let go some more. I know, shouldn't try to repeat past experiences, but the memories are there and before you know it just kind of forms an unconscious assumption about the way how things are. I was surprised and thrown off, and I fell into the loop: feeling bad about letting it get to me, feeling bad about feeling bad, wanting and trying everything to get back on my feet, and feeling bad again. Angry annoyed and frustrated with practices and inquires(they don't **** work), but at the same time I know there is no other way to avoid it. Self-forced discipline achieves the opposite with all the guilt it induces.

TRN

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Re: TRN
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2016, 01:43:03 am »
I don't know anymore.

Identification with the "I", for most of times it just hurts me but there's still a silver of happiness, the stars in a sea of darkness they keep me hanging on. I want to be over and done with it but I'm just dragged back everytime like it was an abusive relationship.

There's always self inquiry, the-who-am-i inquiry, I've been reading Ramana for a while. I always turn to him when the suffering is just too much and I can't stand anything in my head. The inquiry hurts in a different way. It heals but it's not an...attractive activity. Can't I just keep this good memory? I'm lost and hurt and why can't I keep believing in something? I want to, I always wanted to believe but it backfires and creates more pain so I'm sort of forced to strip away everything...

Jed McKenna

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Re: TRN
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2016, 04:27:07 am »
All beliefs are made up. It's pretty much inevitable that they will backfire some day. Trick is to consciously make them up. When it looks like one is going to backfire, change it immediately. It can be done with a little practice, but only if you believe it can be.

Love ya, Jed.

TRN

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Re: TRN
« Reply #8 on: November 25, 2016, 10:11:05 am »
Thank you.

I want to be genuine, but there's no me to be genuine

Everything is beyond any level of understanding my mind can reach, but at the same time it's all occurring in me - atman, the observer, the labeling feels silly because well there's no the mind-me in the first place. Then why do I feel there is one??

There is no me and there's nothing but me at the same time

???????????

Jed McKenna

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Re: TRN
« Reply #9 on: November 25, 2016, 07:37:51 pm »
Much of what you experience is memories and habits... signifying nothing at all.

Love ya, Jed.

TRN

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Re: TRN
« Reply #10 on: December 07, 2016, 09:46:01 am »
All I'm living in is a giant context. Poke - Poof there it goes.

If I am not living this life, then who is?

TRN

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Re: TRN
« Reply #11 on: December 07, 2016, 09:57:30 am »
Poke through the bubble, you get nothing and everything
Not poke, you get... security. The agonizing polarizing so-right-and-so-wrong sense of security. Fake, yes, but come on, don't you like it? Of course I hate it at times, thrill, you know, we all need some of suspense because it is fun. Until its too much and not fun anymore.

Yes the bubble doesn't exist and there's not really a need to poke it. Make believe.

There's a million ways to dodge the question but only one way to really do it

Jed McKenna

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Re: TRN
« Reply #12 on: December 07, 2016, 11:10:50 pm »
I've said it before, there's a million ways to dodge the question but only one way to really do it.

Have I really said it? Was that me speaking or thinking, or am I being thought and spoken through? Did I plagiarizer it ... do I know what I am talking about?

NO! What a relief. I'll just let whatever is living through me do it's thing. Not my problem. Now I can relax and just watch the show.. what a relief.

An infinitely fascinating display of entertainment... no wonder movies are so popular. Much can be learned from sitting down and watching the show, watching people in all their complicated lives but knowing inside that none of it is real. Then the movie is over/dies and everyone just gets up and walks out. Now that was simple, wasn't it?

But, what is to be learned has nothing to do with the actual movie/script... it's all about context, about what is really happening. Nothing is really happening so it's all about nothing. AND, the movie was already made prior to viewing so everything has already happened and the viewer can't change the show... he/she is too late. The viewer is always too later to change the movie. It's just how things are/aren't in the dream.

Love ya, Jed.




TRN

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Re: TRN
« Reply #13 on: December 18, 2016, 09:38:54 am »
How are you ok with not knowing anything, Jed?

Jed McKenna

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Re: TRN
« Reply #14 on: December 18, 2016, 10:08:39 am »
No me to do either. That's what's so simple about it.

Love ya Jed.