Author Topic: universe, neurosis & me  (Read 900 times)

morrinow

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
    • View Profile
universe, neurosis & me
« on: January 20, 2018, 11:08:52 am »
hi jed,
i can hardly believe i've stumbled upon you and this forum. even though i got to see now and then how magical life is, this seems just too **** much of a grace to me. of course i wonder if this is really you, but i can't help the impression it MUST be you (as, reading the books, i wondered if your enlightenment is real, but finally i couldn't resist to taking your writings extremely seriously). so i'd like to use the opportunity to express my gratitude for all the good work so far. you gave me something like a first glimpse into what it could mean to be alive - the remainder to be discovered by myself.
but still i'd be happy to get some advice now and then. right now i feel like i'm entering the HA state, but what really troubles me up to a minor depression is that i can't connect with most of the other human beings anymore. there's just nothing to say, bc the thing that mostly interests me is that process of becoming HA and also some philosophical stuff, but most people around me aren't interested in that. so here my questions go:

- will i ever feel comfortable/free to express myself when being with other people and if yes, how can i get there? at the moment i scan everything i say or do for egoic, self-serving BS and totally don't trust myself anymore bc i suspect and feel ego in everything i or other people are doing/saying.
- is it likely i got kinda brainwashed by your books? sometimes i suspect that, bc after reading them several times i recognize myself in so much stuff you say about being HA and i know how keen the ego is to identify with fancy HA stories. And i don't think my social anxiety fits in that concept of HA very well, so what's going on here? maybe it has to do with my imagination of a HA being necessarily a lonesome cowboy in an underdeveloped environment (might have something to do with the books ;) )... but the difference between others and me in will and ability to understand that HA kinda stuff seems so real!!

sorry for the many words and bigtime greetings from berlin to wherever you are!! Love ya too.

Social Buttons


Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12326
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2018, 06:41:58 pm »
Dear M:

Welcome to the forum... good questions. I quoted below and responded.

- will i ever feel comfortable/free to express myself when being with other people and if yes, how can i get there? at the moment i scan everything i say or do for egoic, self-serving BS and totally don't trust myself anymore bc i suspect and feel ego in everything i or other people are doing/saying.

Your previous comfort was all illusory. Eventually you will get that are no other people in this human dream. Communication with others is also and illusion because who would communicate with whom. You will just let go of you egoic need to be right and communicate. Things will become very gentle and easy. Be patient.

- is it likely i got kinda brainwashed by your books? sometimes i suspect that, bc after reading them several times i recognize myself in so much stuff you say about being HA and i know how keen the ego is to identify with fancy HA stories. And i don't think my social anxiety fits in that concept of HA very well, so what's going on here? maybe it has to do with my imagination of a HA being necessarily a lonesome cowboy in an underdeveloped environment (might have something to do with the books ;) )... but the difference between others and me in will and ability to understand that HA kinda stuff seems so real!!

Let go of this emphasize on ''others''. The point of any book is to sorta brainwash you into another experience. It's called ''entertainment'' and it's the only reason you are in the human appearance. I strongly suggest you avoid ALL ''spiritual'' type conversations with others. Let the pressure build in you and prop you forward. Others dreams, ideals and learnings are none of your business.

Love ya, Jed.

morrinow

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2018, 10:59:03 pm »
Dear Jed. I got it. You are basically me :o sounds kinda stupid, but funny anyways ;D ;D
Love ya,
Raphael

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12326
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2018, 03:53:21 am »
Of coures I am you, who else would I be?

Love ya, Jed

morrinow

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2018, 08:01:31 pm »
does h/a "automatically" lead to t/r at a certain point or time? or is it possible to dream this human life dream lucidly over an infinite amount of lives (and, of course, deaths) without ever waking up from it into truth/no self? and if we awaken to truth, will we never incarnate again?

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12326
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2018, 04:31:34 am »
Nothing ''automatically'' leads to T/R, and anything might just lead to T/R...it's been accurrately called a ''divine accident''.

I think you are refereing to the reincarnation story, which is only accurrate when you realize that it's not a ''person'' or 'personality" who reincarnates. It's the I am and in this universe there is only one I am. Once your personality is dead, or fully realized, there is nothing left of it to reincarnate. The common new age reincarnation story is just ego/maya seeking the comfort of continuity... but it's a very false continuity... sheesh, if there is anything I would not want to continue it would be a ''personality''.

Love ya, Jed.

P.S. now tell me what you really want....

morrinow

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2018, 07:14:40 am »
I rather tell you what I don't want: I don't want to realize truth if that is the starting point to a process of slowly fading out of life. i don't wanna awaken out of duality and thus put less and less energy into my dream character until it fully dissolves (like you describe your own process). i don't wanna come to an end of the evolutionary process of change and transformation. you write that h/a means to constantly wander about and explore and play and thats exactly what I am eager to. Maybe I'm just kinda like a child who refuses to go to sleep, but anyways, I wonder if T/R is necessarily the ending point of all evolution. Ah and foremost I don't wanna fall back in a less conscious state than now and have to travel this suffering/samsara road ever and ever again. I don't wanna be Sisyphos.
Where am I mistaking?

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12326
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2018, 09:10:03 pm »
Nothing wrong with just desiring H/A. I can attest to it being quite rewarding and a great deal of fun also. So, if something was in the way of you ''growing up'' what would it be?

Please be as specific as possible. Remember, this is only and always about you.... not what someone else desires for you.

Love ya, Jed.

morrinow

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2018, 05:18:35 am »
"not what someone else desires for you." I don't get that ??? ;D

hmm what would be in the way of me growing up...? I know that finally the only threat to my growing up process is myself, or, to be more specific, false pre-assumptions that keep me enchained. The assumptions that led to this question have to do with what you say in the interview in the bonus content of SIE. There you talk about life being a process of orbiting and thus slowly approaching the one source we all come from: "This re-integration is the state to which everyone is in constant motion". And the first step means to abandon the orbit and go straightly back into the center of all. So I interpret this as H/A orbiting around closely to the center and T/R just being (in) the center. And if every travel ends right in the center, mustn't that mean that T/R is inevitable, that H/A is just a transit towards it and there is no way of just staying in the state of H/A? And after being back to center/oneness, doesn't that game start anew so you slowly move back from center and travel all this samsara road of suffering until you get pulled back to center again? Thats what I mean with Sisyphos.

And another pre-assumption that I have regarding this issue is that that process takes places over many lives (although I know that its not my dream character that reincarnates).

morrinow

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2018, 03:27:06 pm »
Is it appropriate to describe the process towards enlightenment as the atmanic consciousness and the brahmanic consciousness becoming one?

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12326
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2018, 05:02:58 am »
I don't have a clue what you are talking about.... really... please explain in plain English.

How can anything become ''one'' when ''One'' is all there is?

Don't confuse the simplest thing in .... well... just ''in''.

Thanks in advance.

Love ya, Jed.

morrinow

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2018, 01:46:21 pm »
Jed, I have a huge sticking point. I often feel terrible bc I don't know what to live for. Inside me, there's a deep feeling of being lost and that I will never feel like I belong here on this planet, some feeling that tells me that I belong nowhere. I feel unable to have intimate and reliable relationships and at the same time I think that has to do with me not being willing to really get involved in another person's life and care for someone else. I feel like that has to do with some sort of deep egocentrism - like I'm just not interested in other persons. to be honest, I believe that I'm a truly selfish person and I would want to change it, but don't know how. I'm trying to write everything down to get it out of my head and to observe how my ego is working, but it seems like its not helping - ever and ever the same topics again and it feels like I am wasting my life being trapped in myself and writing is just the process of trapping myself in. How can I go on?

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12326
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #12 on: June 05, 2018, 12:49:56 am »
Sounds like a bit of a pickle.... regarding your writing, are you asking if what you write is ''true''? Write a sentence, any will do, and contemplate if it is true. Don't be superficial, go deep... very deep.

I listen to everyone I can as best I can, but I never, ever believe a word they say. They don't know what they are talking about, and in addition, words are terrible liars.

So, tell me, what are you lying about? Now, lying isn't intrinsically bad, it's just what humans do. The first lie is you tell yourself, and present yourself. as a person/human, and that's light years from the true reality of who/what you are.

Love ya, Jed.

morrinow

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #13 on: June 05, 2018, 09:39:45 am »
When I write, I usually try to be as honest to myself as I can, in order to find out what's really going on inside me. It's not like I make abstract statements which I try to prove or falsify (like "the sky is blue"), but I try to explore the thoughts and feelings which torment me. I try to track down my pains to the ground. What I've found out so far is that all of my fears and pains have to do with feeling unwanted, which seems to be sort of the core of my identity: "I am the unwanted one". But still, it seems like I'm not able to free myself of it.

So - what am I lying about? I don't know. How could I find out? The point of my writing exactly is to try not to lie to myself and look at what's going on inside me. What am I doing wrong?

Jed McKenna

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12326
    • View Profile
Re: universe, neurosis & me
« Reply #14 on: June 06, 2018, 01:24:16 am »
An identity such as this can go pretty deep. It's the identity of ''I am unwanted''. While all identities are false/made up, that doesn't mean that they are not without considerable power and influence over one's life. Yes, they are lies because you are not what you ''think'' you are... ever. I suggest you write me at cambodianashram@gmail.com

Love ya, Jed