hi jed,
i can hardly believe i've stumbled upon you and this forum. even though i got to see now and then how magical life is, this seems just too
**** much of a grace to me. of course i wonder if this is really you, but i can't help the impression it MUST be you (as, reading the books, i wondered if your enlightenment is real, but finally i couldn't resist to taking your writings extremely seriously). so i'd like to use the opportunity to express my gratitude for all the good work so far. you gave me something like a first glimpse into what it could mean to be alive - the remainder to be discovered by myself.
but still i'd be happy to get some advice now and then. right now i feel like i'm entering the HA state, but what really troubles me up to a minor depression is that i can't connect with most of the other human beings anymore. there's just nothing to say, bc the thing that mostly interests me is that process of becoming HA and also some philosophical stuff, but most people around me aren't interested in that. so here my questions go:
- will i ever feel comfortable/free to express myself when being with other people and if yes, how can i get there? at the moment i scan everything i say or do for egoic, self-serving BS and totally don't trust myself anymore bc i suspect and feel ego in everything i or other people are doing/saying.
- is it likely i got kinda brainwashed by your books? sometimes i suspect that, bc after reading them several times i recognize myself in so much stuff you say about being HA and i know how keen the ego is to identify with fancy HA stories. And i don't think my social anxiety fits in that concept of HA very well, so what's going on here? maybe it has to do with my imagination of a HA being necessarily a lonesome cowboy in an underdeveloped environment (might have something to do with the books
)... but the difference between others and me in will and ability to understand that HA kinda stuff seems so real!!
sorry for the many words and bigtime greetings from berlin to wherever you are!! Love ya too.