Author Topic: Sleepwalking  (Read 2955 times)

alig

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #15 on: November 08, 2016, 02:09:21 pm »
yeah I contemplate this sense all the times recently (I'm more absent minded these days at work than ever). Though sometimes for example when I'm at work and its very busy around me its very hard to look at this "I AM" objectively and see it, but other times like when I'm home alone I can sense the emptiness of this little man clear as day, who have to go (and will go), I don't feel depressed about it at all, Just a blend of joy, pity and that I will miss him, kinda like the closest friend. sentimental BS haha. The sense that I'm dreaming and this is just a dream (lucid dreaming) is very hard for me to conjure though, happened only a few times overall, long way to go still for sure.

so today I began my first serious SA session, my goal was to come up with questions rather than answers, here is a sample of it:

what do I know?
I know that I'm talking to myself.
What am I saying?
To whom am I talking to?
Who does the talking?
what is speech?
what is language?
what is a symbol?
what is its purpose?

...

does it lead to anywhere like this?
« Last Edit: November 08, 2016, 02:13:18 pm by alig »

Jed McKenna

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #16 on: November 09, 2016, 06:23:14 am »
STOP at your second sentence.

It's full of unkownables, concepts, ideas, thoughts and assumptions. You could inquire into your first sentence for weeks or months without going any further, no more than that is required.

Now, you tell me what I am talking about.

Love ya, and waiting... Jed.

alig

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #17 on: November 16, 2016, 03:05:12 am »
I don't know what contemplation/inquiry exactly is, and/or what you mean by it.

I tried to contemplate on the second sentence many times as you said without writing anything more only trying to prove how the sentence "I know that I am talking to myself" can be false. on one level it seems very obviously correct and requires no explanation but on the other level If I want to prove it by dissecting it into its pieces and prove them then I'm introducing a lot more concepts which in turn need dissection and proof as well and this way I don't think I can get anywhere soon. also I tried to only concentrate on it without branching into other topics kinda like a mantra but then i know it would become a meditation (self deception). of course I can always ask myself the question "who is xxx?" which leads to awareness that yeah it is the little me who is doing all this, which I want to get rid of.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #18 on: November 16, 2016, 04:17:49 am »
Sounds like quite a dog's breakfast.

Love ya, Jed
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alig

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #19 on: November 18, 2016, 04:06:53 am »
I hate to bring my personal stuff up here but it's hindering my progress badly and I think its 100% ego related so learning to deal with it can be helpful at dealing with it in other places as well.
I have this insomnia for the past year, could kinda control it with meditation but since I've stopped meditation it's back. I start to feel anxious when I want to go to bed because needing to be in control (futile), needing to feel restful for the next day, needing to have energy to stay on my schedule for the next day etc, and when the body doesn't cooperate with ego's desire it turns into anger and anxiety which further helps the insomnia.

I know deeply that control/resistance is futile and what will happen will happen anyway, I try to meditate on it in bed. but I think the insomnia doesn't start in bed, it starts the moment that I define a schedule and goals for myself? I know deeply that there is no such a thing as a shitty day even if I'm drained of energy like a zombie and I should not mind anything.

but still there is some ego because I'm trying to surrender in order to have a good sleep  ;D which in turn keeps the insomnia in place stronger than ever  ::) as in trying to kill your ego to live with open eyes.

**** treating insomnia, because who is here to suffer from it anyway? my question is if you had to choose between a slow and painful death vs a quick and painless one which one would you choose and why?

« Last Edit: November 18, 2016, 04:10:29 am by alig »

Jed McKenna

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #20 on: November 18, 2016, 04:42:14 am »
No choice called for, I am already dead. In fact, so are you. You will never be deader than you are right now.

Watch a baby or youngster sleep. Observed their breathing very closely. Learn how to do that and see what happens. Don't learn to do that and you can still see what happens.

Don't tell me you do it because my B.S. detector (V 3.54, Build 11, for those who are interested) is very sensitive. It's already beeping in the background.

Love ya, Jed.
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alig

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #21 on: November 24, 2016, 03:38:43 pm »
I try to observe the sense of "I" and most of the time when I see it, get distance from it and see its unrealness (or think of doing so in my hallucinations) I get a sense of anger towards it. I try to not fight this sense because I think it is the "healthy level of self contempt" that you talk abt. Or maybe  its just me fooling myself, trying to act like someone who gets it? , who fools who? Oops


From cogito we know that "I exists" but on the other hand the sense of "I" when you meditate on it turns out to be just a sense. Nothing real,  so what is that we are referring to as real in cogito? The awareness?

PS. Finding a baby to observe its sleep is quite a quest in itself


Jed McKenna

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #22 on: November 24, 2016, 08:24:54 pm »
It doesn't have to be a baby, it can be a younger child. There is a rhythm to the deep belly breathing. It's very effective.

Love ya, Jed. 

alig

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #23 on: December 11, 2016, 07:17:49 am »
Did some contemplation on "what/who is the voice in my head" it kinda make me laugh because its and endless loop, the moment I ask myself that question the voice in my head appears. "What is this voice in my head" then like shouting to a mountain it echo's back "what is...what is...what is this voice in my head...head.d..d"

Skickat från min LG-D855 via Tapatalk


Jed McKenna

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2016, 10:04:58 pm »
Further...

Love ya, Jed.

alig

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #25 on: December 18, 2016, 04:53:09 pm »
Spent whole day in a library reading books, "meditations on first philosophy by Descartes" and some applied math book. On the way home I was thinking to myself what did I learned today that can get me further? I couldn't come up with anything, except that my mind was sharper due to being very focused.
I have this urge that I still need to develop the mind and explore the literature more to be able to surrender to the no self. I know that's most likely just another escape strategy by Maya and all the reason and logic is B.S.  but still something in me thinks that's me fooling myself. I'm not sure if its true that we can never know anything and there are things out  there that we can know for certain  if one look properly.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2016, 04:55:29 pm by alig »

Jed McKenna

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #26 on: December 18, 2016, 10:30:54 pm »
Dear A:

What is boils down to, the looking in philosophy books and your focused thought, is that you are looking for something where it doesn't exist. In your mind. If the answer is in mind then everyone who asked would probably get it. Just ask your mind to step aside and let Truth become obvious. That should work... good luck.

You can spend a life, or rather waste a lifetime, on this silly approach. What exactly do you want? What do you expect to find in your mind?

Talk later,

Love ya, Jed.


alig

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #27 on: December 19, 2016, 05:14:12 am »
What I wanted and expected to hear. TR=Insanity. Reading is just running the opposite direction. its quiet scary  to go mad though.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #28 on: December 19, 2016, 05:47:36 am »
T/R is the only sanity there is in my experience. That's why it's so difficult to get when everyone around is insane. No one else really wants you to get it.

Love ya, Jed, (except me!)  ::) ::) ::)
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alig

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Re: Vippassana
« Reply #29 on: December 22, 2016, 06:13:02 am »
but still, sometimes **** just get real. for example under stress, intense mental or physical activity, when you are abt to get fired, when you realize you are an incompetent male, when you see your deathclock ticking and are thrown out of your comfortable bubble from the amusement park side of maya right to its rectum, where the reptile brain is the only brain. how one can conjure his enlightened beliefs and techniques and see it as story? don't say I should become a vegetation and don't do this and that because it threatens my enlightened belief system and uncovers the reality.