Hi Vivian:
Thanks for your post and welcome to the forum.
You are doing what almost all seekers do, you seek T/R in order to find some kind of relief and then use the reduction of stress as a measure of your progress. It can be if you know what you are doing, however, trying to 'use' T/R to achieve something. I suggest that you pursue it because it is, in my experience, why you are here... no other reason is required.
BUT... what you really want is not T/R, you want to become and adult. If you sense that is accurate, let me know. Also, let me know what is holding you back.
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. Don't expect me to believe you.