In the last year and a half after a break up I have being going through my own death/rebirth process ( at least this is what I think ).
I used to be live following that idea of success that I have being sold being ready to do everything I could to achieve it.
I used to be a photographer, living in a the most cool and artistic environment I could back then imagine. My life was composed of work, work, work, parting, drugs and searching for someone that would have loved me and accept the way I could not . From the outside it might have seems a pretty cool life but if fact if it was quit miserable .
To break up with the only somehow meaningful relationship I ever had ( last one month and a half ! ) brought me to a state of depression and shock and I lost interest for everything .
I let go of my carrier, parties, friends, drugs, my self image and left that cool looking environment to go back to live with my mum .
I am not complaining, it was great great . Thanks to this process I have come closer to my authenticity like before and I started to love and accept myself. I have also increase my consciousness and faced many of my old demons trough various spiritual and not practices .
Right now I am in a confusing fase of this cycle : I do not believe anymore in this circus that is the society but I also do not want to live the rest of my life in a cave. I feel like Lisa in the end of your 3th book, I have destroyed everything I have and now .... ?
I don't want to go back to be what I was before, but at the same I want to take responsibility of my life, I can not live at my mum place for ever ( ! ) .
I used to like photography, I ask myself I should I go back to it ...
What is next ?
I want become a human adult, that is the only think I know .
But how ? Am I suppose to keep escaping from my life and front the society to archive it ? I guess not but then what is the point to go back to something I don' t fully believe in ... I feel confused.
What is the next step to become a human adult ?
Thank you very much
Francesco