Author Topic: What's next ?  (Read 465 times)

francesco

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What's next ?
« on: August 13, 2017, 11:28:56 pm »
In the last year and a half after a break up I have being going through my own death/rebirth process ( at least this is what I think ).
I used to be live following that idea of success that I have being sold being ready to do everything I could to achieve it.
I used to be a photographer, living in a the most cool and artistic environment I could back then imagine. My life was composed of work, work, work, parting, drugs and searching for someone that would have loved me and accept the way I could not . From the outside it might have seems a pretty cool life but if fact if it was quit miserable .
To break up with the only somehow meaningful relationship I ever had ( last one month and a half ! ) brought me to a state of depression and shock and I lost interest for everything . 
I let go of my carrier, parties, friends, drugs, my self image and left that cool looking environment to go back to live with my mum .
I am not complaining, it was great great . Thanks to this process I have come closer to my authenticity like before and I started to love and accept myself. I have also increase my consciousness and faced many of my old demons trough various spiritual and not practices .
Right now I am in a confusing fase of this cycle : I do not believe anymore in this circus that is the society but I also do not want to live the rest of my life in a cave. I feel like Lisa in the end of your 3th book, I have destroyed everything I have and now .... ?
I don't want to go back to be what I was before, but at the same I want to take responsibility of my life, I can not live at my mum place for ever ( ! ) .
I used to like photography, I ask myself I should I go back to it ...
What is next ?
I want become a human adult, that is the only think I know .
But how ? Am I suppose to keep escaping from my life and front the society to archive it ? I guess not but then what is the point to go back to something I don' t fully believe in ... I feel confused.
What is the next step to become a human adult ?

Thank you very much
Francesco

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Jed McKenna

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2017, 11:53:04 pm »
Hi Francesco:

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum.

I suggest that start by accepting the fact that nobody knows what they want. They operate on stories which are previously programmed into them from parents , society, school, church, courts and various other well mean but seriously misguided orgs and people. Start forgiving everyone and everything around you, past, present and even the future. Learn how to breathe properly and just see what arises. Also, I suggest you read my rants.. folks tell me there is some good stuff there, and also some Guru-trash... figure it out yourself.

You are growing into H/A right now and just re-labeling it as confusion and ''not-wants''. Remember, resistance is the super glue that keeps things in place. Attachments and aversions are responsible for this whole dream... let go enough and it will let go of you. Dream on....

Love ya, Jed.

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francesco

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2018, 12:22:16 pm »
Dear Jed,
Here I am ,
I feel lost, lost, lost. I can barely think in this moment. I feel very very confused. But I know deep down that this is the way to freedom, I k now that I had to get to lost to then find myself and raise up on the other side. What what to do ? I know it's is time to go deeper ( within me ) but I don't know what this actually mean . I know it is time to LET GO. but of what ? let go of the fight, but what is left then ....
whatever you might have to tell me will inspire me in my path.

Thanks

Francesco

Jed McKenna

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2018, 08:12:48 pm »
What is the ''fight'' all about?

Love ya, Jed.

francesco

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2018, 12:52:59 pm »
That's a great question.
I feel like I am fighting with myself. I am fighting life.  Not in the sense that I am dying but in the the sense that I do not accept myself and my life, I am...  fighting constantly since ever.  But who am I... this I don't know.

francesco

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2018, 07:49:39 pm »
Hold on a sec ... I just realized that the reason becuase I am doing all of this, the reason becuase I am fighting is becuase I want to get results. I live for the results. The results are the meaning of my life. I've never being living just becuase I enjoy to live, it was all about reaching a goal and then another goal and then another one. And it was never enought. I have never being really living my life, I was always trying to get to the next goal I had set up for myself. Never allowing myself to rest and just be . It is so frustrating. Never feeling enought. Always pushing myself to become more more more . Why can't I just be fine whit what I am right now?

Jed McKenna

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2018, 07:48:18 pm »
''Why'' is a stupid question. Ask ''how'' you do something and you will have more useful data.

Love ya, Jed.
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francesco

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2018, 05:14:22 pm »
Dear Jed,
i spent the last 6 months in a meditation center ( isha judd system ) focused on expanding the consciousness and letting go of the attachment to our ego. It was very intense, but great.
Now I am back to my life and well... I feel like I don't have a life anymore. Probably I never had one. I see the much more clearly the ideas of reality I had created and I see them for what they are: Ideas, nothing too real, nothing to be take too seriously.
And here I am, feeling good ( even amazingly sometime ) but feeling lost... and seeing that if I can see how lost I am it is only becuase I am on the right way.
But I am afraid, because this sensation of being lost does not allow me to hold any certainty ( which would be only another illusion ) if not my experience of consciusness. And yes, I can see my program: searching for a drama, a relationship, a job, a passion to distract me from the nothingness ... but maybe it ia just the resistance to the nothingness that make me " suffer ".
I am asking myself: "what am I doing with my life ? "

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Jed McKenna

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2018, 08:42:36 am »
Simply remember, everything you do is to avoid the nothingness that you are.

Might as well enjoy the ride.

Love ya, Jed.
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francesco

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2018, 03:51:27 am »
Hi Jad,
Since I read your answer I feel like something is consuming me from the inside and I can not feel peace.
How can I keep living my life knowing that it is all just an escape ?
I can sense that there is freedom on the other side of this strugle but ... I do not know how to get there. At the moment I feel quit depress and unable to do anything because the idea that it is all an escape makes everything ... senseless .
How do you suggest me to proceed ?

Jed McKenna

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2018, 05:20:34 am »
It's simply a matter of perspective... I find the reality that everything is senseless is remarkably freeing... I can't imagine anything being more fun than senseless. You are clinging to your thoughts and memories thinking they will save you, and all they will provide is more illusions... and you will believe them. Come on over, it's just a little jump to nothingness... try it and see.

Love ya, Jed.
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francesco

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #11 on: December 18, 2018, 11:03:29 am »
Hi Jed,
yes I want to do it, I want to jump. I can not stay in this place of uncertanty any longer AND I can sense so clearly the freedom you are talking about. Now thay you know a litle bit my situarion what do you think could be the next step to make the jump. I have never
practice spiritual autolysis for fear, fear of suffering and fear of the conseguences it could bring me to but now, to make this jump, I really wanna give it a try ( even if I feel afraid ).

Jed McKenna

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #12 on: December 18, 2018, 10:27:28 pm »
Sorry my friend, you don't qualify. To ''try'' anything is to fail. You do or don't do... life is very simple when you adopt that approach. When you are ready to do it, and I mean really do it, then get back to me. Right now you are just being a drama queen stuck in thinking you are important... you aren't and neither am I.

Love ya, Jed
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francesco

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #13 on: December 19, 2018, 04:00:49 am »
Thank you Jed. I needed this

Jed McKenna

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Re: What's next ?
« Reply #14 on: December 19, 2018, 05:38:22 am »
Everyone does at some point. I got a good waking many years ago and I really needed it.

Love ya, Jed