Author Topic: What's the point  (Read 188 times)

Reilly

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What's the point
« on: March 19, 2015, 07:21:08 am »
Dear readers,

My name is Anna.

Let me start of by saying I'm quite lost of what I'm trying to write to you here. Guess I mean to say thank you "Jed" for confirming my reality (or my ultimate truth, whatever you are calling it). I'm 22 years old and I think this has happened to me too soon.

I am my soul, my ultimate truth, my own reality. First experience for me was in November 2013, it was after reading a couple of pages in leaves of grass where I understood that Walt Whitman understood something I didn't, but something that I felt my soul understood on some level. I read Eckhart tolle and used meditation, getting rid of my stream of thinking, understanding my sense of selfs role in my being and the damnedest thing happened. My soul was there. All along, but it was suddenly more present than anything else. All was pure. Clear and sweet is my soul, and all that is not my soul is clear and sweet.

This is it.

Can't help but contemplate and feel remorse for all that has eternally escaped my reality when realising my ultimate truth. I find no interest in external things and I feel immense peace and love. And I know I will never fall in love, not like the movies at least. I will not be a part of someone else's reality of me, I am uninterested in confirming someone else's sense of self through interaction and partnership. Maybe One day I will find my soulmate, but yet again this will not contribute to anything in my reality. How can I accept this and not miss the ignorance of infatuation and passion? I could die tomorrow and I don't care. I feel my soul and I feel no attachment to anything external to my soul. I am love and light, but there is a kind of loneliness in this fact. The loneliness that I will never be one of them again, I will not be able to be blissfully infatuated or be a prisoner of passion and romance... The truth is infinite, but I'm only 22 years old and I wish I had this epiphany after at least a couple of self-boosting romances. My soul is bliss, that's all I will ever feel again. I want to go back and live a normal life and feel my soul being tormented by my false sense of self and reality.

I don't see the point of doing anything anymore. I used to be very driven, brave and wild. Now I'm just this peaceful lump. My degree is almost complete and nothing of it interests me at all anymore. I see no importance in anything external to my truth. My sense of self is shattered but it must still be clinging on, because a part of me feels sad that I can't go back to being an ignorant, but a happy, caterpillar.

Or maybe I'll just hang out on a mountain top and sing the sound of music for a while. I am much for the bumming out on a good old thing.

Just wanted to share this with someone who understands.

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