Author Topic: When it feels real but you know it isn't.  (Read 3106 times)

Sandraanne

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When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« on: June 15, 2017, 09:13:29 am »
I just found this forum and I'm thinking here someone else will know what I'm talking about.  I've read all the books and I know they are true.  I don't have to wonder about it, it's a long story but just believe me when I say I know that.  I started the writing awhile ago and now I just want to write all the time like when I'm writing I can say all the things that I can't say to anyone else.  I don't seem to relate to "normal people" anymore, tbh, I have zero interest in anything they have to say.  It's like I know what they are saying but I just don't relate to the importance of it so I just stay to myself and try to act as "normal" as I can.  It's like pretending to care about something you know is not even real.  Even so I can see it's not real, in my body everything still feels like it is.  There are terrible feelings of fear lately that last a long time, but only feelings, like the feelings are their own thing and I am something else.  I don't have enough words to say it.


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Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2017, 10:08:24 am »
Hi Sandra:

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I didn't note any questions, but if write helps then write away, but keep it to 200 words or less.

Love ya, Jed.

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2017, 10:45:54 am »
What do I do with this terrible feeling?  Nothing?  Just leave it alone?  That's mainly what I do like I just look at it and I feel it there and I think well you can't last forever now can you whatever you are?   I can't really sleep anymore, just a few hours and then I'm up.  I'm not really hungry either lately not that it matters.  I mean what could matter? 

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2017, 11:03:45 am »
The only thing that matters is what you have made up to matter.

Love ya, Jed.

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2017, 03:18:25 am »
Right, and if I don't make anything up, then nothing matters.  Or I could make something up on one day and have it matter, but it would be like a choice like today, at first I thought "I need to sleep, I have to go to work and I'm going to be tired," (my conditioning) and then I thought "who decided how many hours I should sleep" and also "who decided that I would be tired if I slept less than that" and then I thought, "you know everything is like this".  Even if a million people believe anything it doesn't make it true, all it really means is that there are a million people believing the same thing and even that isn't true.  I seriously doubt it anyway.  I am not what I think I am and neither is anything else.

But here you have a world (doubtful) where everyone has just taken it on blind faith to believe that everything is other than what it is and it has been going on for so long (maybe) that no one remembers or knows what it really is anymore.

I wasn't even tired tonight.  So figure.  Thoughts?

« Last Edit: June 16, 2017, 05:53:39 am by Jed McKenna »

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2017, 05:54:56 am »
... not many....

Love ya, Jed.

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2017, 10:35:40 am »
So I know that there is no self, that anything that is there pretending to be anything is an illusion, but what prevents me (the me that isn't there, is it the me that still thinks it is something?) from just being that?  Is it the false self?  I mean I saw it or I saw what I am (or really am not) so I can't not know it.  I can only pretend not to know it or forget not to know it.  Or could it be that because I'm constantly surrounded and bombarded by illusions that would tell me otherwise and could not accept what I know?  I guess what I'm asking is what is separating me again from what I saw was actually true?

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2017, 10:44:47 am »
Could be millions of things, what do you think?

Love ya, Jed

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2017, 11:22:11 am »
That the illusion is some kind of energy field that doesn't want to die?  Or Maya? Or the fear that somehow holds it all together?  False but a sense of obligation to the illusion?  But I'm like stuck in a kind of in between because I know what I know, if I let go to it I will be "crazy", I might not even know what to do but that's not true either, I'd probably know exactly what to do all the time, I think it's probably, fear, fear of death.  If I know what I know then I will die.  The ego dies, everything that I think I am dies.  So it's like I want it but I'm afraid of it at the same time but who am I?  I'm nothing and I can't not know that I know that.  So now I'm a freak. 

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2017, 12:00:22 pm »
This is why I can't talk to people.  I can only pretend I am.

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #10 on: June 17, 2017, 01:15:50 am »
Show me someone who isn't pretending that they are and I'll show you a liar. Just that way it is in this dream.

Love ya, Jed.

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #11 on: June 17, 2017, 03:24:50 am »
So I've been thinking lately about what happened to me, after I went to that meditation 10 years ago now and how I was during the two weeks afterwards and what I experienced then and how I now know that for whatever reason, my false self had vanished into thin air.  That's why I had no reaction to anything and I simply could not be threatened.  I mean who could be threatened if no one existed?  I also remember feeling a sense of awe, like I would go outside and just stare at the sky.  I also remember having to take a lot of deep breaths.  I don't remember having any kind of agenda at all, like I was completely open to anything that happened, there was no good or bad and I was in a situation that would be viewed from current standards as abusive and yet I saw that nothing could be harmed.  I also somehow knew that people were acting and saying whatever it was they were doing because they thought they were real.

So lately, I've remembering it a lot and I see that I can't deny that it happened the way it happened not that I've ever tried to.  Of course, I've talked about it with a few other people over the years none of whom had the faintest idea of what I was talking about.  And now I've found you and this forum.  And the thought comes up again and again, that I've seen what it is.  I mean I can't pretend it didn't happen, not that I'd want to, but I saw it with my own eyes so I know what I know and I can't un-know what I know.  I can't un-know that the self that I walk around being all day long doesn't actually exist. 

If during my day, I say or even think something that is coming from the non existent false self I immediately know it.  But my question to you is do you think that there might be something like consensual reality?  Do you think if you put a person in a room full of completely awake beings that they might wake up too?  Because whenever I read something you write to me, it seems to remind me of what's really going on here like I'm that thing that I was (or wasn't is probably more accurate) during those two weeks.

P.S.  Sorry for the long reply.  Are my replies supposed to be limited to 200 words too or just the original post?

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #12 on: June 17, 2017, 03:53:02 am »
All replies are limited to 200 words, your forgiven. I'm not clear on your question. Could you rewrite it for me. Just the question part, the rest was just blah, blah.

Love ya, Jed.

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #13 on: June 17, 2017, 05:00:15 am »
Hmm the question is basically does or can what one perceives  affect other perceptions?  Within the dream? I think that may be the question or it could be more blah blah lol

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #14 on: June 17, 2017, 06:04:43 am »
There is no perceiver and nothing is ever perceived, however, perceiving does occur.

This is beyond figuring out  but not beyond experiencing. Give it a try.

Love ya, Jed.