INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Hi Jed,

Thanks for your answer.  I have another question.  Have you ever heard of a book called "The Presence Process" by Michael Brown and if you have, do you see any value in it as far as T/R goes?  The reason I ask is I've done the process about 5 times now and a few days ago I felt compelled to go another round so I am along with continued S/A.

If you are not familiar with it, it's designed to reconnect you to your awareness of consciousness though he calls it Presence by continuous breathing (no pauses between inhaling and exhaling) twice daily for a minimum of fifteen minutes.  My experience with the breathing is it either brings up feelings of intense fear, sadness, or extreme peace sometimes a combination.

Where I'm at now in all of this?  I pray for help in surrendering.  I just say "I want to surrender completely but I don't know how. Please show me."

Ly2,
Sandra

Then what's in the way?  Of not wanting it badly enough?   I mean what else is there other than surrender to perception?  Nothing to be, nothing to do but what arises then do that?

Omg, holy sh*t, I get it.  It's the whole speck in someone else and the log in your own eye thing.  The log is that it's a dream.  It really is a dream.  What the... that's why it's ridiculous to ever get mad about anything or with anybody...the log is your own big, humongous error that it is real. 

Oh God.  Tripping.  It's one thing to say it's a dream, it's quite another to actually see it.

No offense Jed, but why did we want to know this stuff?  Well, you're not answering so I think this is the part where you go alone, bye Jed, if I make it back, I'll let you know.

I will but here's my own answer ' because only an idiot looks around at what we currently call reality and thinks 'this is fine or this is enough.  I compare myself to a flower and I think I am even more so fantastically made and for what, for worrying about what kind of car I'm driving or what I'll do on Friday night?  It's just too stupid to be true.  Anything that' currently falls under the category of "normal" is clearly not it.

I'm back.  If I go back to being uncomfortable, confused, trying to know something, figure it out, now, no, just wait, look, not true, nothing there, just Maya.

Incredible energy now.  Jogging again, not to look good, what do I care.  I'm jogging farther and farther, feels like nothing, I'm 52 and it's  hot 90's, I can't even feel it.  I'm amazed and crazed with it.  It's like a burning.  Sleeping less, 3 hours and a nap, not tired, I can sleep when I'm dead. So much to do, I have to see through it all.  I can't stop, it's like an avalanche.

Music, everything is in the music.

I'm at work and it dawns on me.  I'm the only one here.  There are bodies, potential, if no one is here, the self vacant, non existent, than how am I here?  Unless I'm not.

I said to my players "What if what you think is going on isn't really anything like what is really going on?"  One guy said, "You lost me there. I have no idea what that means."  I said, "Yeah, I know, that's what I mean but don't worry about it."  Getting very funny now.

I'm not doing anything? Am I?

I mean what's the point?  All the points are gone.  I'm not just feeling sorry for myself, forget about me, I know I'm nothing, but everyone else, those are all my people, all of them, and the needless suffering at the hands of a great big lie is almost to much to bear. What must have started out as a beautiful dream has turned into the most grotesque of nightmares.  And there's nothing I can do about it, but save myself, grow my self up, don't add to the misery, one less miserable.  And hopefully my children.

My own mother used to get so mad at me if I touched her things but I'm different with mine for a long time now, I never get mad at them, only try to help, as for "my" things.  I dont have any.  "Don't even ask", I tell them, "Everything I have is yours."  Whatever happiness or comfort I can give them, I give. I wish I could give more.  They don't have to deserve it or earn it, just be happy, have fun, I'll take care of the rest.  Whatever I can manage to take care of that's what I do.  I can't make the dream a better place for everyone but I can do it for my children.  I'm not a saint either.  I get way more than I give.  Just one smile from any one of them, breaks my heart open into a million pieces.  Everything can be found in the eyes of a child.  That much I know. 

Now I'm watching them very closely.  What do they see?  And I try to see that.

Everyday is something new, I guess. Up and down it goes.  I guess you never know.