INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Hi Jed,
I saw that all fear is Maya so I'm not afraid anymore so if I feel any fear ever again, my first thought will probably be that it's false and I'll figure it out.  I can't think of anything to worry about anymore so I'm not.  My dream is pretty enjoyable at the moment.  I think if there's a point that's probably it, just enjoy it.  I don't need anything and I don't want anything.  If I do anything at all, or want anything, I would do or want it for someone else, not because I'm a good guy but because it's just how I feel.  So I finally get the real gist of to give is to receive.  That's a first for me, seriously I never really got it till now. 

I think when I was at work all the talking bodies were getting to me, and I don't know if I thought it or it's thinking me but the sadness is and was real.  I feel for all the consciousness that doesn't get through because there's incredible beauty and love where I am and I'd wish there could be more but maybe I'm just hard wired that way.  Maybe that's just my dream.  I'll take it

Love ya,
Sandra
(No idea how many words)

Hi Jed,
      I just felt compelled to drop you a note who knows why.  (I guess no-one lol). I seem to be in some kind of process where everything I think gets redirected through the filter of what I now know or don't know.  (Seems to go both ways). So like, I just had the thought that now is the time that I should write more and then I immediately remember that all "shoulds" are off the table, not that I won't write more, maybe I will, maybe I won't.  Then I think I 'hope" I do and remember that "hope" is out the window, too.  Then I just laugh because I feel like it.

Music is awesome for me now.  It's like I never heard music before, it's like now instead of hearing the music, I am the music.  So I'm listening to a lot of music.

Ok, love ya,
        Sandra

I'm writing again but question...am I actually choosing anything or is it just arising?  Like maybe the arisings are there as insights into my next steps which are taken in the dream.

Wondering...

Never mind.. I already know.  What else is there to say?  I can't think of anything.

And then I thought "Now that everything is "off" the table, everything is actually "on" the table.  It's just not my table anymore."

She wants you to answer her.  She wants you to say something because you are like the authority on this stuff and she wants to know she's doing a good job.  But she's not real, she never was.  I can still hear her though sometimes when she says "I'm sad.  What did I do wrong this time? Did I screw it up again? Why am I always screwing things up?"  So I say "Because you're not real.  That's why?  That's what unreal things do.  They don't do anything else, just go around thinking they are real when they're not."  "I'm real.  I swear to God I'm real," she cries.  "No you are not, now stop bothering me. You want to be good, then do this, shut up? Nobody's listening to you anymore anyway."

And that was the end of the conversation for now.

Wake up Jed, your not dead, not yet.  The dream is attacking me.  For real, not real, but that's what it looks like.  It's coming at me from all sides.  Even my own dog attacked me, a big German Shephard, no doubt, it (the dream) doesn't want to let me go,,, are you kidding me...I'm going,,,to bad,,,you had your chance to work out but you blew it, you blew it over and over again, I'm not giving any more chances.  I'm leaving and I'm not coming back, you can try to kill me but the gig is up, and your power is waning.  I'm on top now and I'm going to kill you.  I am killing you, that's what I've been doing, let's get it on, throw it all in my face, go ahead, I laugh at you now.  You got my attention for five minutes, that's all, that's all you get, and I'm not scared anymore either so you can trash that tactic.  Just so you know I'm not playing small anymore, small time is over. 

And that's the way it goes?  Now you should answer me.

Nothing is happening.  That's it isn't it? Nothing is ever happening?  There's nothing here never was never will be?Sh*t