I would say it's seems hard sometimes to remember that I'm not actually here and neither is anyone or anything else. The forms just seem to pull me in, but the heaviness of it, of that, this dream, reminds me that I'm dreaming this, but it also tells me my false self is still lurking close by. Then I think, somehow, I choose to dream this. God why though? Am I resisting? I mean, I've had some crappy dreams and so far this is the best dreaming I've ever done so why the heaviness? I must be worried that this is the best I'll ever get out of the dream and that would suck, really suck, like if I'm dreaming why can't I dream something better than this, something totally extra ordinary? Then I think just knowing it's a dream is pretty extra ordinary already so I just go with it. What else is there to do but just go along?
And then I think, I'm still false because I'm judging. Only a false self could say something sucks or something could be better than anything else so that has to go. I mean by whose standards am I judging? My own or that of my conditioning? And who is judging? The Who that isn't there who still thinks she is?
Yeah, so this.
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