That's good advice, I'll try that. As soon as I stopped resisting, my pain stopped and the feeling of magic seemed to reappear. I'd say now I'm in a bit of melancholy, just realizing that everyone I talk to, just everyone, isn't really there at all, kind of sad, hard to really say anything at all, what to say, I know what they're talking about all too well, but the importance of anything seems to be lost on me and people can sense that. Even the songs with words don't want to be played anymore so I'm listening to instrumental now which i can some how relate to.
If I had the money, I'd probably drive to the ocean and stare at the waves, that seems like a cool thing to do. I've mostly stopped jogging, I like walking the dog though and I might jog a mile or two but my heart isn't in it anymore. I'll buy a lotto ticket tonight like I always do but where I once thought that a lot of money would make me something special, now I just see it as a means to live quietly away from things. Yep that's where I'm at. Guess I'll finish the laundry.