Author Topic: When it feels real but you know it isn't.  (Read 2897 times)

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #120 on: August 05, 2017, 11:56:58 pm »
God what's it take to completely kill yourself off?  I'm so sick of dealing with her.  You'd think that once you see she is not real it would be over but no?  Everywhere I go there I am.  The battle is on... that's all I can say...let's go.

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #121 on: August 06, 2017, 05:05:27 am »
What you resist will persist, so you tell me what to do.

Love ya, Jed.

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #122 on: August 06, 2017, 12:47:34 pm »
"What you resist, persists"

Well, Jed, that would probably be just my whole life as I have ever known it.  My whole pathetic little life and all my petty concerns, a million and one things or more. 

I think this is where I really start writing with S/A. I just hope I live long enough to sort out my mountian range of bullsh*t.  I was wondering where the painful part came in, wondering over. 

I'm a lie.

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #123 on: August 06, 2017, 11:53:00 pm »
Don't go backward wondering about the past... of course you a lie, all humans are... big deal!

Now, what if you wondered what it would be like if you made up a dream, that dream is everything that you ''think'' is happening around you?

Wouldn't that be more fun? If you are going to wonder, then wonder big...real BIG!

Love ya, Jed

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #124 on: August 08, 2017, 01:33:15 pm »
That's good advice, I'll try that.  As soon as I stopped resisting, my pain stopped and the feeling of magic seemed to reappear.  I'd say now I'm in a bit of melancholy, just realizing that everyone I talk to, just everyone, isn't really there at all, kind of sad, hard to really say anything at all, what to say, I know what they're talking about all too well, but the importance of anything seems to be lost on me and people can sense that.  Even the songs with words don't want to be played anymore so I'm listening to instrumental now which i can some how relate to.

If I had the money, I'd probably drive to the ocean and stare at the waves, that seems like a cool thing to do.  I've mostly stopped jogging, I like walking the dog though and I might jog a mile or two but my heart isn't in it anymore. I'll buy a lotto ticket tonight like I always do but where I once thought that a lot of money would make me something special, now I just see it as a means to live quietly away from things.  Yep that's where I'm at.   Guess I'll finish the laundry.

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #125 on: August 10, 2017, 04:44:54 am »
Sounds like a plan....

Love ya, Jed

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #126 on: August 13, 2017, 04:24:17 am »
So I accidentally posted "my post" on someone else thread and oh god, the horror and the shame of that accident like shot me dead (I wish).  I guess that was careless, I wasn't looking, just figured I was on my own thread.  The false self hates it when things like that happen.  Oh yeah, I was like "Calm down and shut up" I can't even deal with you anymore.  Die already.

So I'm reposting it here.  But I do apologize and ask this question "Why does anything happen the way they appear to happen?  Or is nothing happening?"

*. Then I realized I could remove the post from where it was so I did.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2017, 04:32:47 am by Sandraanne »

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #127 on: August 13, 2017, 04:25:43 am »
I would say it's seems hard sometimes to remember that I'm not actually here and neither is anyone or anything else.  The forms just seem to pull me in, but the heaviness of it, of that, this dream, reminds me that I'm dreaming this, but it also tells me my false self is still lurking close by.  Then I think, somehow, I choose to dream this.  God why though?  Am I resisting?  I mean, I've had some crappy dreams and so far this is the best dreaming I've ever done so why the heaviness?  I must be worried that this is the best I'll ever get out of the dream and that would suck, really suck, like if I'm dreaming why can't I dream something better than this, something totally extra ordinary?  Then I think just knowing it's a dream is pretty extra ordinary already so I just go with it.  What else is there to do but just go along?

And then I think, I'm still false because I'm judging.  Only a false self could say something sucks or something could be better than anything else so that has to go.  I mean by whose standards am I judging?  My own or that of my conditioning?  And who is judging?  The Who that isn't there who still thinks she is?

Yeah, so this.

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #128 on: August 13, 2017, 11:06:31 am »
Four hours sleep, the dogs woke me up again, and the word indifference came up.  Then I read where your wrote "Resistance is the super glue that holds it all together" and so I looked up the word "resistance" to see if I really knew what it meant and I got..
"The ability to not be affected by something"
And I thought "the whole idea something could be wrong, could ever be wrong" needs to go and that the very act of wanting something to be different is what keeps it the way it is.
No self equals indifference defined as "lack of difference or distinction between two or more things" and " the absence of compulsion to or toward one thing or another."

And I thought "I need to fully contemplate these things" along with something else you said "nothing is real."

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #129 on: August 14, 2017, 12:04:32 am »
Now... go do it!

Love ya, Jed

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #130 on: August 15, 2017, 05:32:19 am »
There seems to be a pattern emerging here like the next thing I need to know is the next thing I find.  Same with the stuff I do, like walking the dog.  I seem to do my best thinking about all this while I'm walking Luci.  I used to always run or walk with music blasting through my headphones and that's still fun but now is a time for figuring out what's going on.  So here's what I got today...

Everything is me.  I have literally created every situation I have ever been in and those situations which I find unpleasant are on repeat mode until I go back and destroy the wrong knowing that created them in the first place.  It's all a dream so there's no good or bad, but I've decided to welcome every single thing, every single moment that comes my way and see how that works.  No one is doing anything to anyone because there's no one here, only one thing, and it is you, and me, and every single thing including the table.  Resistance to anything pulls me back into the dream.  No more resisting, not even to no sleep tonight.  Apparently, when I pass out from exhaustion, it will be when I'm meant to rest.  Totally cool.  I think I can't screw this up.

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #131 on: August 16, 2017, 10:30:26 pm »
You have created all this in a similar manner to your creating you night dreams. Everything in that dream is dream material and all occurring with your human mind, with is another type of dream material. Dream on, but never think it's real.

Love ya, Jed

Sandraanne

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #132 on: August 18, 2017, 06:25:16 pm »
Yeah, yesterday I wrote...

It kind of hit me this morning that sometimes I'm thinking that what happens in the dream must matter somehow but then I saw that it didn't but strangely knowing this made the whole thing more pleasant in a sad kind of way like this is the big joke of it all.  I think from here I just kind of let go like there are a lot of things, ideas really, or hopes and dreams that are basically destroyed whe this is realized.  And my own death staring me down, thinking now, how could I have been so stupid to have lived so long this other way, you know the things I might have enjoyed if I'd only known. 

Then today, i was driving to work and I was listening to the most exquisite piece of music and suddenly, it was like I was a character in a cartoon or an absurd movie reminded me of "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" for some reason.  Everything became rather small, like toys.  Total trip, very cool.  Nothing is ever wrong seems to be sinking in now.

Jed McKenna

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #133 on: August 19, 2017, 09:42:06 am »
 :P :P :P

alyosha

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Re: When it feels real but you know it isn't.
« Reply #134 on: August 24, 2017, 12:39:27 pm »

thought -> feeling -> judge feeling terrible -> how get rid of? -> more thought -> rinse -> repeat

cure for thought isn't more thought.

cure for thought is stop believing thought will bring peace.