Author Topic: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...  (Read 19936 times)

Jed McKenna

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Thank you..

Love ya, Jed.

guest1170

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Life is still hell -- Going to sleep in horror, waking up in terror. I may be 20 but inside I feel like a 100 years old man -- No, I feel like I'm dead and buried 7 feet below ground level already. Truly a life of quiet desperation. But at least now I can function better with the meds.

Forgive me for whinning here -- I needed to vent a little bit.

Jed McKenna

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Vent like a Hawaiian volcano... no problem here.

Love ya, Jed.

guest1170

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I remember one day I was doing jnana and strange things started to happen... energy started building up in my head like crazy -- It was painful and made it very hard to sleep. Energy entered one of my kidneys and I could truly feel it strongly vibrating there, as if my kidney was being purified. Also a lump was born behind my neck and it lasted for some time. Truly a painful experience and to this day I still have difficulty sleeping.

Was that kundalini or something of the sort? Perharps; but I would preffer this **** to never have happened to me. I just wanted to go to the earlier days of satori and happiness... I guess I gotta accept what I have in hands now and do my best.

Am doing bramacharya and chanting mantras now. Let's see what I get from this

Btw, have you ever read the book from Lester Levenson "Keys to the ultimate freedom: thoughts and talks on personal transformation"? If yes, do you agree with what he says, that the potential for human joy is infinite, that we are unlimited, etc...?

Jed McKenna

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Do what you have to do. Lester has some excellent points... but doesn't go far enough, IMHO,

Find something that suits you and stick with it. Many paths, one goal. Keep jumping paths and you will just be wasting you time.

Love ya, Jed.

guest1170

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Thanks for reminding me of that.

I've been reflecting about T/R a little bit... It must be very nice to have the universe disappearing and become free from gravity, heat, cold and etc -- It must be really a huge relief.

Jed McKenna

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You don't really become free of those things because they are all just part of the human dream... they never applied to you. You just realize that is the nature of this dream... and it's not called ''enheavyment''.

Love ya, Jed.

guest1170

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All of it has finally beared fruits

50 days without losing a drop of semen
Mantra chanting
Yoga
etc...

Am now free to a good degree of fatigue and misery that that has accompanied me for years. I didn't feel this kind of relief for years. The head pressure that tormented me has diminished a lot and I feel **** free from the body. FREEDOM FROM SUFFERING IS HIGHER THAN ANY JOY

of course that it will all come back if I get lazy, but I will take care no to

Jed McKenna

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Whatever floats your boat... go for it.

Love ya, Jed

guest1170

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My life is basically myself floating in my own mental realms of delusion, in my own imagination. There's no contact with people, no friendship, no relationships for me except for the shallow ones I have with 1 or 2 family members that I talk to sometimes. There's no sweet stuff for me, and I've tasted the bitter stuff of life so much that it has even lost it's taste; only apathy and boredom remains.

After so much isolation, I got to the point of creating imaginary grilfriends for myself, falling in love with them and then feeling like **** because they don't exist. I only search for god because I'm so lonely in real life -- God is just a substitute for wife in my case. No matter how deep my concentration ever got in meditation, I never forgot the fact that I'm a poor lonely sod. I hate this modern society so much... If I were born perhaprs 100 years before, I could live life as it's meant to be lived.

If I see people around I just stay away observing. I don't have a life; I'm a voyeur of other people's lives. I'm, bit by bit, trying to work out my fear of people and of going to places and am improving myself, hoping that one day I can have a normal life. My mind doubts and tells me it will never work, that things will never change... That's the only life my mind knows. I reason with myself "I'm only 20 yr old... if I live to be 80 or more, then it's impossible I'll continue this way forever" Still the mind doubts any possibility of change. Even if I wrote 1 million pages of spiritual autolysis trying to dissolve this belief I don't think it would go away.

Jed McKenna

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Are you different than when 5 years old... or 10... or maybe 15 years old. List the ways in which you have change, but do not change any more... change is bad, you need to stay the same, absolutely unchanged for the next sixty years... it's the only way you will ever by happy, now STOP CHANGING... and while you are at it STOP BREATHING. That's just waste of time...oh yeh, STOP EATING as well... it's cruel to carrots and broccoli.

Love ya, Jed.

guest1170

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Surely I have changed in a lot of ways up to now, and will change a lot if I get to live to be 80 year old. Still, my mind says that I'm going to die young and am not going to see the changes I wish for in life -- This fear haunts me.

I am going to die young | -> Can I say this with certainity? Do I have the ability to see the future? | -> No, no. But the possibility is still there, and together with the possibility comes the fear |-> The possibility is there; is this true? Even if it is there, is it really a reason to be afraid? Do I know if the afterlife isn't a better place? | -> Of course the possibility is there! Everyone dies. And how do I know there's an afterlife? Perharps everything ceases forever, and even if there's an afterlife, how do I know if it's not a bad destination? | -> Everyone dies; is this true? Perharps there are immortal people around in this planet, who knows | -> bla bla bla bla bla infinite blah bla bla

guest1170

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I just read "Zen and the Art of Self-Mutilation" and OMG... super brutal, super beautiful. Woke me up from the slumber I was into for some time already

"Even if my flesh and blood were to dry up, leaving only skin and bones, I will not leave this place until I find a way to end all sorrow." -- Buddha at the Bodhi tree

Jed McKenna

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I am pretty practical.. so whatever works for you... pursue it.

Love ya, Jed.
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guest1170

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Ramana was such a great guy. He didn't live inside a house for great period of his life; he was content with dying alone in the hills of Arunachala, and he would if he wasn't discovered by people; had no family; no interest in women; didn't have a job or personal ambitions; had no addictions and even got to the point of saying that sleep itself was prejudicial to the yogi. He lived this kind of life, and not only he didn't escape from it through any means, he also lived that life joyfully.

My mind can't even begin to imagine the state in which that man existed. Probably he lived in G/C(Nirvikalpa samadhi) 24/7 and thus had his bodily needs greatly reduced... What a lucky man! My G/C experiences weren't that potent and didn't last any more than a day. The last one I had was in the beggining of the year and to this day I'm still slaving, trying to reach it again.

This human body is full of impurities, full of unordered centers. Each part of the body has it's own brain and desires. No true and lasting joy will come over a body in which all of those centers aren't satisfied and hamonized.In the end, living as a human is a bad deal -- The body is a great chaotical mess full of problems.

"The body itself is a disease" -- Ramana Maharshi