So, Jed, I finally managed to discover the "secret" of happiness. Not sure if I'm able to put it into paper, but these words from Nisargadatta Maharaj sums things up pretty well:
"But why talk of happiness at all? You do not think of happiness except
when you are unhappy. A man who says: 'Now I am happy', is between two sorrows
-- past and future. This happiness is mere excitement caused by relief from pain. "
The key is on "A man who says: 'Now I am happy', is between two sorrows
-- past and future.".
This statement is not just negativistic talk about the impermanence of all mental states, as I used to think it was. That's not the real meaning of what Nis wanted to convey there. Instead, there's something deeper to it.
How can I explain it? A person who says "I'm happy now" only says such thing because inside her the memory of suffering still exists; such person is still bound by the duality of happiness and suffering, otherwise there would be no need to say "I'm happy".
My search for happiness during all this time only harmed me, really. Because the act of searching for something implies you do not have it! So
**** simple.
Now you just told me that there's no such thing as a life. At first glance this statement seems to be nothing more than second rate, low intelectual effort, copycat, neo-advaita mumbo jumbo. For the untrained eye, yes, it's just mumbo jumbo and nothing more. First time you told me this I just got mad. But now I know that behind the seemingly simplicity of what you just said, an invaluable treasure may be hidden, but I'm just not able to see it yet.