INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

Not really anywhere to start I guess.  If this is a forum for me and my pathless path, it doesnt matter where I start. I pretend to know, but knowledge feeds my ego.  I seek recognition in the knowledge which also feeds my ego, so basically I am where I started only more defined as undefined.  I am waiting to start my spiritual autolysis until I finish paying off some money I owe to a good friend.  My attachment to friends and family will be the hardest to cut.  If it weren't for them...well, I don't really know what that would look like. This space intrigues me as it gives a place for me to pile up the tinder for the fire about to blaze.  As for now I'm just collecting kindling. Riding the waves of positive and negative, allowing all and enjoying the ups and downs.  I pretend to know what needs to be done and pretend to want to do it. But its terrrifying.

As for how I got here...my story is that I was brought up quite religious and went through the ceremonies and practices till I wound up married to someone I didnt want to marry.  It fell apart sending my world to the ground, shattering as a glass table into a million shards.  Never to be put together again. So I started sorting through all the pieces, looking for and holding on to any that fit with what I wanted to do after the collapse. I joined Landmark education and got to see that "life is empty and meaningless and its empty and meaningless that its empty and meaningless".  After doing it for a while I shifted into eastern philosophy and came to Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj and his book I am that. From there I was introduced to Jed McKenna.  Which threw a wrench into all my spiritual gears.  Now, waiting is.  I think I've taken the first step, but I seek reinforcement of that concept. I think I've transitioned into Human Adulthood, but not sure what that really looks like.  I am content.  I am in the flow. I await the commencement of my spiritual annihilation.  I fear what burning, smoldering wake I may leave. I am grateful to have been led to this site.

Al

I'm kind of in a limbo state of just living within HA waiting to step into SA and go further. I see everything as perfect, I live in the flow, and am experiencing this dreamstate for what it is.  My question is: How can I go through SA still living among friends and family?  Do I have to cut myself off in order to process all the unprocessed BS?

Thanks Jed

I still feel there are some things awaiting the incinerator.  For the meantime I'm just building up my kindling. I know there's a fire coming that will turn it all to ashes, but its not happening right now.  Could this happen gradually? Like in chunks?  Further right? In steps? Or is it like a blitzkrieg and goes all at once in a raging inferno?

Al

Makes sense. My attachments to family are losing strength with each passing day.

What about addictions? Right now I smoke and drink quite often though it doesn't really matter to me that much that its happening. It seems the societal impacts are the biggest ones. What say you? Is this detrimental to further?