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Why do I really have that urge to post here?

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guest1382:
Dear Jed,

I decided to start my own post and the only reason is that I am really scared of doing so.
The strange thing is that the fear arises and I don’r really know why. I could give you hundreds of rational reasons. But in the end, it does not explain anything.
And as you write in your explanation about the Series, being scared would be enough reason to write to you, so I think, I really have to do it.
There are coming up so many stories about my spiritual search or my everyday life, that could explain, why I need help. But at the end, there is just the fear of doing that post, and I really want to listen to that fear, so I really, really need to do it. And I also wish, I would not need to and could ignore it, but I can’t.

Please excuse my English, I hope you understand everything.

Best wishes
Gabriel

Jed McKenna:
Understood Gab;

Congrats on having the courage to post. How about sharing a little about yourself (or your Self) and your journey. Don't have to, only if you feel like it.

Love ya, Jed.

guest1382:
Sure.
I am very happy about your help, thanks a lot.

I am in my mid 30s, wife, 2 sweet boys. Childhood with some very bad and many happy things.
With 17 the feeling arose, that something is not right in this world. That nobody is really living. Then I studied and had many problems to fit in the jobworld after that and the world anyway. At one point I came across meditation and Yoga and found a teacher who said that he has got rid of all that rubbish in his mind and that Mediation an Pranayama could help here. Since then I have been spending a lot of time into that. I had the feeling that I found something, but my life got even more difficult, because I had to bring together both worlds together.
Then I came across your books, red the Enlightenment Trilogy and started with the spiritual autolysis (2 1/2 years ago). This was something, which really helped a lot. Many things became much clearer for me. And although my Life did not change a lot, almost everything changed (much less selfhate, hating of others, I can love my wife again, enjoy many things, ect.). But still there is the feeling, that me, the people around me and the whole world are wearing a mask and although I am alive (as a person), I can't really feel life. Still thinking that I miss so much out, and do not understand very much why.

So yesterday I red the Lurkers-Rant of yours and asked me, why I have not joined your forum yet. I started in this rant-thread with the question:
"Why should I join and post my questions here? Does that work even better than doing spiritual analysis on my own?" And now I want to find that out myself in this post here. Maybe I feelthat it might be easier to overcome my own habits of hiding and escaping, when I get some help.

Well, and then the most interesting thing: While joining here, I was very scared and after that, I felt a good relief. Why is it such a big thing?

I am both pretty much excited and fearful, what will happen now.

Jed McKenna:
Thanks for sharing M.

What will happen now? I have no idea and neither to you. You have no say in the matter so not much point in fretting about it. Do you think you are a bit of a control freak.  :o :o :o

Love ya, Jed.

guest1382:
Haha, is that so obvious? Took me a lot of spiritual autolysis to find that out.
So the first question, why it is better to join the forum than to do spiritual autolysis on my own is already answered: You seem to know me better than I do  ;) :D.

Ok, my first impulse when I read this was: So, what can I do about it? How can I get rid of my control freak side?

Usually my impression is, that people do not trust, that I am doing things well. So I need to show them that they can trust me and my abilities...

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