Author Topic: Why is life unfair?  (Read 5079 times)

khalifa

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #60 on: April 17, 2017, 06:04:44 am »
i've affirmed myself to forgive

Edit: jed i just realized there is no love as it's just an illusion of created wants it's not really genuine as if some of those conditions are met the other person is detached overtime.

Should i never pursue love? Should i never let the victim get any power over me if i wanted to keep them? or is being vulnerable fine?
« Last Edit: April 17, 2017, 08:26:40 am by khalifa »
Take someone who doesn't keep score, who's not looking to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality. He is free ~ rumi
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Jed McKenna

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #61 on: April 17, 2017, 09:55:25 am »
What do you think is the answer to your questions... be wise now.. very wise.

Love ya, Jed.

khalifa

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #62 on: April 17, 2017, 04:55:42 pm »
i am always a selfish manipulator jed even when i try to act all innocent i can see the lies i create and justify it to be right, how can i be wise when it's always been like this
Take someone who doesn't keep score, who's not looking to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality. He is free ~ rumi

Jed McKenna

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #63 on: April 17, 2017, 11:57:41 pm »
Just realizing this is wisdom, give yourself a little credit and let your awareness take care of it.

How is your forgiveness project going? If you aren't working on forgiveness and working on it seriously, please don't bother posting again, I can't be of assistance because you aren't taking my suggestions  to heart.

Love ya, Jed.


khalifa

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #64 on: April 18, 2017, 01:50:42 am »
i'm really trying to forgive, i kept telling myself i forgive myself and everything that has happened to me
i woke up today to visions of my ex having sex with her so
it was just so painful to see that, mind you even though it's been 3 years with her i did not take her virginity away due to her being religious as i respected her religion and her family as they would be against it, i wasn't selfish for my wants even though i wanted to so bad, yet she's left me for lust on another guy which i affirmed to her as a joke but she developed it as a crush and longing since she was emotionally bonding with him behind my back, it's a long story.. and a fake one it doesn't matter yet the ego still seems to cling to it with brutality it feels like it's rules should've been rewarded yet someone else reaps it, i tried to change her for the better through self help but it turned against me, it's like a regular employee that was innocent and nice to everyone and then suddenly got promoted to a manager and started being a mean dick with power abuse, that's what it feels like when i look at her
i'm really trying to forgive i wrote a forgive journal i wrote my memories and how i felt i didn't reject it and i said i'm ok with it all but i have no idea why i dreamt about her this morning with this random guy with a bigger dick than me and she was in ecstasy which was even more painful
it's all rubbish.. i understand it's only a story yet why can't i forgive a shitty story gone wrong, i guess it's because i invested so much time with her and i miss being around her and her warmth..
i just realized my ego wants to posses so bad, wants to cling and attach to things he owns so bad just because he thinks he deserves it because he's worked for it he ignores reality and sets his own bullshit rules who he hates when someone comes in and changes them and doesn't go around the ego's expectations

i'm sorry jed, i really want to thank you for everything so far
i'm looking at myself as you said 'please don't post here again if you don't take it seriously'
i am serious, why can't you see that i wondered, i wouldn't be here trying.. then again i examined myself and thoughts am i serious? or am i lying to myself? am i so desperate i want jed's attention and care and not do all the work seeking for more answers and guides?
i'm investing my time into spiritual books/higher consciousness books right now not sure if their helping


Edit:

If i am not the body or the mind, why do i need to identify myself to forgive the stories? Can't i just let go by ignoring the stories of the past and just cherry pick from now on? Or is this a pitfall if i do that? I'm not sure how to swallow the pill of it's not me but the mind. I'm aware i am the perceive that's seeing all this yet the mind has it's own delusions that are automated as i beam in as i look around
« Last Edit: April 18, 2017, 05:03:24 am by khalifa »
Take someone who doesn't keep score, who's not looking to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality. He is free ~ rumi

khalifa

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #65 on: April 21, 2017, 03:50:06 am »
dear jed,

i'm stuck in between forgiveness and letting go of all thought which one should i proceed with? should i stop identifying myself with my past? or should i identify myself and forgive?

edit: if i can forgive anything, it feels like i'm telling myself like i can do whatever i want and always forgive later and not care, having such justification feels weird when i overthink it, i'm used to the rule that it always matters what we do in life
« Last Edit: April 21, 2017, 03:58:08 am by khalifa »
Take someone who doesn't keep score, who's not looking to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality. He is free ~ rumi

Jed McKenna

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #66 on: April 21, 2017, 05:08:59 am »
Forget all you blah, blah... so as I said, just forgive and keep forgiving. I am dead serious. This is what you need until you don't need it.

Love ya, Jed.

khalifa

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #67 on: April 21, 2017, 09:11:56 am »
jed i'm ashamed to admit but i have an insane crave/longing for her not just lust wise but emotionally deep i really feel so much love towards here it hurts, i'm not resisting the love and neither am i trying to forget her but she keeps coming around my head all day everyday, especially the moment i wake up from bed she's the first thing that comes into mind

how do i go around this while practicing forgiveness?

i've tried to stop masturbating by thinking about her, the habit to cut out **** seems difficult but i'm currently still trying to give it up i seem to give in within a day or 2 seems like i have a ridiculous addiction to her..

I notice a lot of jealousy arises that we're not together and i feel like i deserve her for all i've done yet i know she's innocent and she doesn't belong to me she is free as i am yet i feel sad that there is no true story, i always wanted it to be true one and only

i'm very confused on my own emotions, how do i forgive that which is innocent? how do i forgive my madness and other people's madness
« Last Edit: April 21, 2017, 10:04:13 am by khalifa »
Take someone who doesn't keep score, who's not looking to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality. He is free ~ rumi

khalifa

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #68 on: April 23, 2017, 09:28:28 am »
Jed am i supposed to take care of my inner child my emotional response, is that why i need to keep forgiving? I'm still practising on forgiving as i read through books, will take sometime probably to get content on forgiving i'm not so sure myself. I feel clouded by the books and purpose seems undetermined of what i want, I think i want to just gain more knowledge before setting foot or path to what it is on life's destination. I feel like i still lack something, Not sure if this seeking is pulling me back should i keep reading a few spiritual books that i have in mind?
Take someone who doesn't keep score, who's not looking to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality. He is free ~ rumi

Jed McKenna

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #69 on: April 24, 2017, 07:24:59 am »
Do not read anything, just learn how to, and practice, forgiveness, nothing else at all, PERIOD!

Love ya, Jed.

khalifa

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #70 on: May 13, 2017, 02:51:06 am »
Jed i've tried i really tried, i'm stuck on learning on how to forgive the thoughts keep coming by and swipe me and my ego gets mad at being so belittled it feels so important so significant yet i know it's not a big deal.. yet the emotions and feelings are still there even if i say it's alright i forgive.


I started reading as i try to forgive and let go daily, was reading about astral projections, people claim they can see phenomena before it happens, or things in their dreams and it's real in reality as they confirm it after an outerbody experience, such as near death experiences where they peep tom the other room and hear everything, what are your thoughts on astral projections?


some four basic structures of world views from mysticism views

Stages   Worldviews         Path of     example

Psychic  Nature mysticism  (Yogis)  Ralph Waldo emerson

Subtle   Deity mysticsm (saints)  saint teresa of avila

Causal  - formless mysticism (sages) Meister eckhart

Nondual - non dual mysticism ------ sri ramana maharshi

Am i looping? I'm seeking peace of mind yet, why am i looking at my world? I answer myself as i'm trying to understand it before i make a move on what i really want





Take someone who doesn't keep score, who's not looking to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality. He is free ~ rumi

Jed McKenna

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #71 on: May 13, 2017, 04:03:45 am »
I told you what to do, now go and do it like your life depended upon it, and stop filling your head with that garbage you are reading. It's a waste of your time. DON"T try to forgive, that guarantees you will fail. jut DO IT! It's just a decision.

Love ya, Jed.

khalifa

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #72 on: May 14, 2017, 02:58:54 am »
I DID I REALLY DID, i said out loud i forgive everything and everything that has ever happened to me, i repeated it and smiled and i said i'm ready to move on and live, next day i felt better temporary, next day woke up remembered some moments with her and i'm like WHY DID SHE CHEAT WHY? WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG? WHY DOES SHE LIE SO MUCH WHY? WHY IS SHE BAD AT COMMUNICATING WHY DIDNT SHE TELL ME STUFF WHY WAS SHE HIDING WHEN I TRIED MY HARDEST FOR HER, it just loops , WHY DOES SOME PICK UP JERK GET TO **** HER WHILE I CARE SO MUCH AND TRIED TO CONTRIBUTE SO MUCH FOR HER YET ALL MY EFFORT IS WASHED WAY LIKE NOTHING LIKE IM WORTHLESS

what am i doing wrong jed? i don't seem to understand how to forgive.. i ride my thoughts easily with emotions/sadness some anger at times, i do not really resent much, sometimes i even ride it the thought with feelings of love and it ends up with a lot of sadness for not being a happy end for us
« Last Edit: May 14, 2017, 03:35:51 am by khalifa »
Take someone who doesn't keep score, who's not looking to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality. He is free ~ rumi

Jed McKenna

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #73 on: May 16, 2017, 06:11:38 am »
Your forgiveness work is just fine, but you aren't going to undo a lifetime of experiences with one day of dedication to forgiveness. You said that you felt a little better the next day... so, tell me, while aren't you devoting every day to massively forgiving? Do you enjoy the rush you get from your dramatic whining. When I talk about forgiveness I am not just tinkering around, suggesting you do it for an hour or two... bliss out a little and then forget it.

You need to forgive everything, not just somethings, EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, INCLUDING YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO FORGIVE.

Now, go and do it, do it for all you are worth. If it's not easy, then forgive and inability to forgive.

Love ya, Jed.

P.S. I forgive you for not being able to forgive... totally and unreservedly.

khalifa

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Re: Why is life unfair?
« Reply #74 on: May 22, 2017, 12:40:48 pm »
Thank you jed, i'll try and keep forgiveness close..

Is forgiveness the same as love? Loving everything around me and myself for every situation? or is it different?

I noticed but i am not sure are you trying to guide me to take care of my inner emotional needs to acknowledge them? Isn't that counter intuitive on waking up?

I want to become a human adult but i am not sure what you mean by human adult at times, The human adult you refer to feels different from the current society that is conditioned right? It seeks things different or so i thought to myself as i discussed with someone else about your books. What is it that i am seeking? Enlightenment? True self? Jed's version of human adult of knowing what i want in life? I don't even know jed's version to be honest, I thought i should read and explore your books more, as spirtual warfare contains some leadings to becoming one. I haven't finished it yet, And i heard the end of dreamstate contains some human adult traces. Should i be looking here? I'm still doing this superhuman program and i distracted.. myself for a while, i neglect time quite often, Quite strange yet normal.. What is that i am doing i ask myself? I am really lost yet i feel like i have a clear path just seek more knowledge regarding spirituality and come to peace with it soon enough. As that awareness will help eventually.
Take someone who doesn't keep score, who's not looking to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality. He is free ~ rumi