INVISIBLE GURU FORUM
Member Forum => Member Posts => Topic started by: jjtech on October 20, 2016, 03:56:05 pm
-
I was just about to ask if it's possible to achieve ha being in relationship but realized it doesn't matter. Every question I think of stops making sense once I write it down. I figured if I somehow take this "first step" that it won't matter either way -- realtionship or not -- I will simply do what's right.
I have a little problem with ha - is it something that happens AFTER the "first step"? ... or before? Or it's unrelated?
Sometime ago you asked me what I want. I thought it's tr, but I can't want it. How could I? All I know is what I don't want.
I'm a bit confused -- there is nothing to strive for because I can't see the sense in anything. I can't just go on and "make career" in life because it makes the same sense to me as not making it.
I see unhappiness in every happiness to the point where they merge into one thing.
So if unhappiness and happiness are the same thing, and love and hate are the same thing, than what can ever make sense? I can't seem to unlock this door. Going to work and not going to work and starving make the same sense. None. And at the same time, whatever I will do, will be the right thing to do. No difference. Saving the whale makes the same sense as butchering it. I see people killed in Syria, or wherever, and can't see anything wrong with that.
And... at the same time I feel completely full of ****. What to do if it makes no difference what I do?
-
Dear JJ:
O.K. Time to get you head our of your you-know-what. How do you know that people are being killed in Syria? What do you know from whales? Wait a minute, I get it, your are believing that little rectangular display, that's it, isn't it?
Go swim with whales (I have in my youth) and go to Syria (passed through many years ago). Then you might know a little more about what you are hallucinating. I'd say the first step for you is yet to be taken. Stop feeding your non-existent brain with other peoples manure. Find out your own experiences and take them for what they actually are. Watching a screen is not an experience for you, it's a deep and very powerful hypnotic induction.
I am dead serious about this. Time to grow up. What are you experiencing right now? No stories or concepts about your experiences, forget you memories, what are you directly experiencing now?
Love ya, Jed
P.S. Don't believe this screen either. Go out and do it.
-
Thanks Jed,
Yes - I have no idea if Syria even exists... and I've never seen the whale..
I'm experiencing chaos (random thoughts running in different directions - I have no better way to describe it). I am addicted to online pornography and decided to stop it, and it's my 17th day without it and struggling with so-called "urges" - persistent flashes of erotic scenes from random videos I've seen over the years. Even while I write it I see those images in the background...
Can't see beyond that. The closest description of my overall state would be "voluntary slave".
And at this very second I feel like crying and screaming. My heart weights two tonnes
-
Don't resist or attempt to change that weight in your heart. Just be with it as best you can.
Love ya, Jed.
-
Thank you Jed,
I will take it seriously.
J
-
Best wishes,
Love ya, Jed.
-
I can't see anything bad in anything. Things seem to fall into place just perfectly.
I'm still a stupid addicted idiot, but it doesn't seem very important anymore.
Whenever I get "lost" in the forest, I refuse to use maps.... even though the urge to do this can be strong.... And I always get to where I want. I go on my bike with low fuel, and the petrol station is right there, at the exact time I need it. I get green lights 90% of the time, even the money seem to come to me... I call it "divine navigation". Before, I used to plan everything, look up the maps, prepare. I seem to be just flowing through things now, so I guess it's a "progress".
I stayed with my heavy heart a few times, but the heaviness seems to go away once observed up close. Or maybe it stops bothering me. Don't know which.
Also, my ambitions seem to fall away. I don't see the point in anything. I don't know why I'm doing this or that - I just do. Sometimes this state falls away and panic returns, but even this is ok.
I'm playing with the flowers at the side of the road
-
Sounds just fine to me.
Love ya, Jed.
-
This whole thing moved from some spirutual level to a very practical one. There is no grand idea behind it - it's just fun and makes life easier... to actually not change anything and let it flow the way it flows. Which it will anyway. I'm still learning it, playing with it.
Were those things happening to me before and I haven't noticed them? People, me included, usually find smart explanation for such "coincidences". But there are too many to ignore - I think I will put this on paper to see more clearly.
The thought is: this isn't real. My mind is making things appear and disappear. and if so, they can't be real in the "outside" sense (outside of what?). It feels very much like lucid dreaming. Not always, but often enough.
-
Just stick with it, and further.... of course.
Love ya, Jed.
-
I'm scared to death
-
Excellent, but really only an expression because you are still alive. I doubt that the fear can kill you because you have never been more dead than you are right now. Bring it on, encourage it... just for the hell of it.
Love ya, Jed.
-
Last couple of weeks my world is upside down.
Everything disintegrates. No goals, no plans, nothing... just some loose remains, temptations.
I thought Ihave connection with people - I don't. I'm always and outsider pretending that he's someone else.
I do not understand people anymore.
there is this girl in my life - and I'm trying to tell her she's trying to get into relationship with a dead corpse. I can't give her love - I do not understand what that is.
I don't know what to say.
this animal that is inside of me can;t be killed.... I can't return to where I was, but also I can't seem to move further. I'm stuck, just a wall
I don't evem know what is talking to you now.... I destroy everything around me and have nothing to show for it.
-
just give me something real I can hold in my hand
-
jesus christ there is no hand to hold it.....
-
... no hand, not even a you... now what ya gonna do?
Love ya, Jed.
-
like who?
whatever is left here is listening to german rock music and crying
Guess will ust wait and see. Suicide doesn't seem a bad option
-
and sorry, Jed. I can't be honest, it's not part of the deal that I am. I can't tell you the truth, I can't tell you what I feel or think or do, because I'm absolutely full of ****. everything i say is a lie
-
and btw - what is left if "I" is removed from the equation?
answer: come and see
-
It's all so crazy I can't wrap my head around it.
-
guess will have to remove the head
-
this question "what ya gonna do" keeps buzzing in my mind.....
Why not kill myself if it doesn't make any difference? Good question. So far the only answer is "german electronic rock". As good as answer as any other. It just gives "me" pleasure. conditioning of course. What is the man supposed to do if anything he does makes no difference at all? Going out and saving a whale = killing an elderly person. Same difference. What the **** am I supposed to do now? I stick to German electronic rock. No ideas in my head. It doesn't matter if I get drunk or not, stoned or not. What's the differnce between dead or alive if there is no one to be dead or alive?
p.s. all you have to do to confuse everyone is ask a question. Like "who are you"? the more simple the question the more difficult to answer.
-
Does any question really have an answer???
Love ya, Jed.
-
no answer, there can't be one
there is no one to answer
-
I've been thinking about "who I am"....
Turd in the punch blowl is the best I could come up with. I stole it from you anyway
-
;) ;) ;) ;)
-
I have a problem with SA. It's difficult for me to explain it... but I just don't "feel" it yet.
Right now I'm on "proving time exists" and struggle through some physics forums....
I can't really read through this crap -- I sit here thinking I'm dreaming. Or better -- I'm a simulation within a dream... How can I even think seriously about time?
Any tips how to really get this thing going?
You said stuff I wrote might seem ridiculous the next day. With me it doesn't go that quick -- but I just looked at stuff I wrote weeks or months ago and it seems dumb.
I'm observing my changing beliefs over time -- it's tragicomical how convinced I was about one thing... only to discredit it a few months later. And I'd always think "now I've got it"... and argue about it. But those events were too separated....
I'd go through a shift in months or years, inestead of days. To get through all the crap would really take a few dozen lifetimes, so I see SA as a way to intensify and accelerate... but still looking for a way to do this.
-
If S/A is a little ... hmm... stodgy.. for you, how about Nisargadatta's methodology. Are you familiar with him?
BTW, I would suggest that if you take something like you mention... ''time is real/true'' and then start researching what others, perhaps more deluded than you, say about it, you are wasting time. You have your own apparent experiences as your teacher. Consult those. You have all you need right where you appear to be. Look and see.
Love ya, Jed.
-
Thank you Jed..
I just read about the guy now.... http://www.albigen.com/uarelove/nisargadatta_practice.htm
I don't know if that's the guy and this is the practice you mentioned. I'm unable to follow as I don't understand it. (if it's really him saying this not someone putting words in his mouth)
"You must ask with an undivided heart and live an integrated life. " - I have no idea what undivided heart or integrated life can be.
"Devotion to your goal makes you live a clean and orderly life, given to the search for truth and to helping people." I don't strive for clean life, have no goals and have no idea how to help people. I don't even want to, to be honest. I just can't understand the heart thing (your "I don't do heart" is one of the things that drawn me here). The only part that makes sense is "search of truth". But more probably search for "untruth".
I believe (sic!) the mistake I've made is going for something I already don't .... well, believe. Like the time. I will try to start with something I believe now....
-
try ''I am that'' by Nis. Just get a book on his work. Not someones interpretation of it.
Love ya, Jed.
-
Thank you boss. Book ordered already. It's indicated I have to at least read it and that's what I will do.
Yesterday I started to re-read "Spritually incorrect..." and right away I found this sentence: "Discovering and creating the process is part of the process (...), you have to build your own process and be your own mechanic".
I'm banging on this door looking for months looking for some one-size-fit-all formula ... and answer was right before my eyes all this time.
-
That's usually were the answers lie.... but very few look.
Love ya, Jed.
-
I read "Spiritually incorrect..." again, and I swear I never read this book before...
Am I "sniffing around the door"? maybe
I'm in the hole and can't get out, but can't get back to it and believe again.. . I decided to get back to oblivion a couple of months ago, but just couldn't. I keep coming back, and coming back like a retard. Even though I don't really know why... Looks like I've broken something that can't be unbroken.
Zombie walking among zombies. The only difference, I know I'm a zombie.
Poking around the door but too scared to step through it.
The only "fun part" is "divine navigation". Too many "coincidences" to even remember.... Illusion of control seems to slowly fall away.
-
If you fully got that you have no free will, no choice, how would your life appear to be different.
Love ya, Jed.
-
Different than what Jed?
perception? Looking at the same thing "differently"?
p.s. the book "I Am That" arrived. Will start with it today
-
oh, and I know why Arjuna fell but don't know why he got up
-
What are you experiencing right now, apart from a conversation in your head? What are you really experiencing? Go into that as deeply as you can.
Love ya, Jed.
-
there is breath and feeling of the body - hands especially... I used to "meditate" on my breath or "scan the body"... breathing saved my life many times.
there is nothing beyond that.
Thinking is a contamination... I'd see something beautiful (like a tree, or sunset) and then thinking comes and destroys it by analysing and comparing. I think therefore I am not.
-
Whoa cowboy... do you think...really, look deeply... do you think?
Love ya, Jed.
-
Is there any "I" in this business? All "I" can say is "thinking is". But even this is probably an assumption.
I don't really know - I'm confused
-
Good, just be confused. What wrong with that? Perhaps it's just your mind that doesn't like it.
Love ya, Jed.
-
I'm enjoying confusion and pain and crazy heartbeat during slight panic attacks. Once I am with the heart it goes away. Can't stay with it for long uninterupted but I feel like it's progressively longer.
Reading (or rather painfuly studying) Maharaj "I Am That"... Sometimes feel like I wanna obliterate him, sometimes feel like I want to hug him... When he gets on love, harmony and peace and balanced life I want to choke the guy.... When he talks about "I've eaten the world and don't have to think about it anymore" I can relate and feel gratitude....
I'm thinking... how to best explain the difference between psychoanalisis and spiritual autolysis? Sometimes I feel it, sometimes I don't.....
-
Explain the difference... for what purpose and to whom.
If you want to ask something, I'll do my best to assist, but keep it about you, your journey, your challenges, your gains... that juices me the most and keeps me doing this.
Cut to avoidance... just be... that's all that is called for.
Love ya, Jed
-
I can't write anything honestly because the only thing I'm concerned about is reaction of the recipent.
I have no idea who/what is really talking to you now, but this thing is not honest.
I seem to have some sort of an internal censorship, so everytime there seem to be some "honest insight" it will get censored and transformed into a lie on the way out. Even now, saying this, I'm still lying. Expecting some positive reaction. I don't know how to trick this censor and actually articulate what I want. True is I don't know what I want.
To be honest, I''ve never said anything that is "true" in my life.
I have only beliefs - that one system is better than the other, or one writer is "better" than the other, or one sports team is "better" than the other.
So I'm kind of loosing interest in talking.
If I could shut the internal dialogue in one simple cut, I probably would. But this internal blabbering just goes on and on, like some acid jazz music I can't stop. I'm not saying it's good or bad - just that I have no control over it.
I have no control over nothing.
If something can be "mostly true" or "a little bit true" or "less of a lie" -- than I'm good at it. But deep inside I know that with true/false is a bit like with being pregnant. Can't be a little bit pregnant, or less or more pregnant.
So I'm struggling to actuallly articulate anything.
Also, I want to "grow up" and be an adult... but as long as it costs me nothing. I want it to be given to me on a silver platter.
I don't even know what I'm doing here. Who is trying to have dialogue with who?
Ah, and this Maharaj guy you recommended me, I truly hate him. Once he said the word "love" I was ready to go. I don't understand what that means and I never did. My mum loves me but she let me suffer because she didn't want her neighbours to think bad about here..... I lost the meaning of the word.
-
Oh, and this psychoanalysis thing - it was for me.
If you're asking to who - of course only to yourself, which is of course nobody.... Two nobodies having a discussion about nothing. All we can do is make it interesting, so it would be on you, as I can't make or say antyhing that is even close to interesting. Everthing I say or write seems idiotic to me 5 minutes later
-
Go it JJ, now let me ask, if it's all b.s. and you are lying like a fine Persian rug all the time, why do you keep talking. Doesn't make sense to me.
Why not just STFU?
Love ya, Jed.
-
had to digest it for a while.
the answer is there is no answer - I don't know why. I know less everyday. can't find the reason for all those things.
-
Certainly a good start, I have yet to find a reason for anything.
Love ya, Jed.
-
I have a technical question....
My partner is struggling with depression/mania episodes (she was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder). I'm looking for ways to help her other way then chemicals.
Can you give me some advise? I remember you mentioned some "program" you were working on but don't know if you did anything about it.
-
Hi there:
First off, in a very un-new age manner, I suggest that it's none of your business. You are still being driven by Maya/ego and that will taint absolutely every effort to help. The course you refer to is the Navigator Series and yes, it can help, but it was not written from a Maya/ego perspective and if it's for her she will find out on her own. You can't help anyone in a dream when you still think your dreamed character is real. That will only reinforce her dream character.
One of the secondary benefits of depression is one can derive much attention from it. I suggest don't give it any attention what so ever.
As Ramana wisely pointed out, the biggest contribution you can make is to realize your True Nature (T/R). Once you are done you will see the perfection in everything. And yes, helping her is perfect and not helping her is perfect, however, not trying to help her is more effective and I assume that is your real intention.
Love ya, Jed.
-
Hi Jed. Sorry for no reply... rude of me. Any way to sign up for navigator series?
-
And btw - this is a perfect moment for me to move on. My wife moved out of the flat to her "friend", I am in suicidal kind of depression constantly thinking "I wish I didn't wake up anymore". Suicide sounds like a great option. I dived into ****, exchanged a great job for the worst one I ever had (I had to take 2 days off because of lack of sleep, dizziness and panic attacks). A few days ago I broke down in tears on the street. I am a complete mess with nothing left in this world.... I have no choice but to grow up (h/a) or t/r.... otherwise it's death or vegetation. I am ready to steal money to pay for navigator or buy a ton of sleeping pills and drift away.
-
Dear J:
Thank you for your email inquiry. Admission to the Series is not automatic, but if you want to start application process then please write me at cambodianashram@gmail.com
I wish you the best in these challenging times. Write me here anytime if it helps.
Love ya, Jed.
-
Thank you Jed, for everything.
Email sent.
-
We'll continue via email for now...
Cheers.
-
I want to either grow up/wake up or terminate my existence. Asap
-
Talk, talk, talk, :P :P :P, time to do something.
Love ya, Jed.