INVISIBLE GURU FORUM
Member Forum => Member Posts => Topic started by: khalifa on March 18, 2017, 09:45:18 pm
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Why are we all under different circumstances, Why is the universe mean with brutality at times with other presence of not being able to ever thrive due to lack of resources or just a deformed unfortunate lack of luck from either health or an ill society crampling up on that presence?
I feel depressed thinking about my life as all a mere luck draw with no meaning behind it. I feel depressed just thinking about going back into being not learning much from trying to awaken my sleep state. I've been doing a lot of self help latey for the past year.
But recently my biggest bottleneck has been my constant health problems, I suffer from tinnitus and internal bleeding. It's been very difficult for me to sleep as it's very unbearable at night, And all this internal bleeding causes me to be cold and fatigued all day. And this brain fog isn't helping while i'm sleep deprived daily due to the tinnitus.
What am I living for? Why do i have to bother? It's not even fair when i see other healthy people around me. Even when i know I that body that i am isn't true either as i am the so called universe just like you all ?.. this is all puzzling why would i/we create this?
I've had my SO break up with me after 3 years since i was unable to cope with my health issues, and she said she's found someone that's way more amazing than me even though we've been through self help content together fixing lots of neurotic traits in each other, apparently she was talking to a guy for 9months behind my back introducing him to self help as well discussing things behind my back bonding with him while i had no idea. I'm absolutely devasted with that blow too. Why would i do that to myself? How do i unconditionally love such a messed up world? This is madness! And to top that up she's left me because of my health problems because i no longer could stimulate her emotional **** needs over being there for me.
I've read your 3 enlightment books and one of them being yours. But all this awakening and going back to sleep state to wear our ego's puzzles me as i don't feel like i've gained anything to overcome life's brutality.
Please give me some guidance. Thank you.
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Hi there;
Welcome to the forum.
I understand that you are in some physical and emotional pain... so what?
Now, I know that some folks, you included, might think that rather harsh... but I am dead serious... so what?
You are not the first person to have been jilted by someone you thought loved you, and you're certainly not the only person who has had health challenges. You are not nearly as important as you think you are. If you can do something about the health challenges, then do something. I can not tell you what that might be. If you can't do anything then realize that.. but I am guessing can do something.
Regarding your emotional challenges, that's just a bunch of drama. You put her in your life and from the begin you knew where it would go.... you knew it but were not honest with yourself... to recognize you knew.
Turning to me for assistance in this requires courage, but realizing your own responsibilities require greater courage. Time to man up.
Love ya, Jed.
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I Don't Want To Exist
We have to eat, sleep, we forget, we're petty and superficial, everything we do and think is meaningless. When things are going "well", we fool ourselves into thinking life is "good", when in reality, any moment could turn into suffering.
Why does the universe exist?
We don't think about it, because we're so immersed in it, so distracted by it, and because there is no answer.
Logic follows - if one doesn't see the point, then for them, there is no point. I could kill myself, but how can I know "I" will not be reborn? How can I know anything at all? So I can't do anything about it, what am I supposed to do then? Why the actual **** do I exist and what am I supposed to do?
I just want to clear this up: I am not being pessimistic, but rather, I'm existentially exhausted and feeling rebellious in the sense that I don't want to be a part of any of it. I guess what I really wish for is to REST. Not sleep-rest, more like die-rest. I want eternal peace or to actually be a true god that can actually have a full/any option at every dimension of life over the current limits.
We ultimately have to make two decisions: 1) Do we choose to live or die? 2) Do we choose to be try to be happy/positive or miserable/negative?
but both these choices are still part of the human psyche which in the end is meaningless
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Aren't my responsibilities all an illusion since i don't really exist as that ego?
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I feel confused, yes i let her in my life but isn't she me? aren't we all connected? Why should i fear myself? i gave her a lot of unconditional love regardless of her toxic flaws as i believed in it. am i not supposed to believe in others and the universe?
Why would we as consciousness/god create a universe with destruction? why unfair circumstances/luck/health/suffering? What purpose do those serve?
We as consciousness created a delusion. That we are separate from God. In that delusion duality was created.
That duality includes those things we mention.
how is it possible without an ego? we have to keep judging things in life or else we will be unable to live, we can get used as door mats with unconditional love, and we can eat things that may affect us badly overtime.. how do i overcome this to be at peace with it?
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We cannot do without the ego because it is part of the duality we live in. However we can learn to recognise when it is speaking to us and realise those thoughts are not us. Isn't that a way of constantly trying to dodge something that we dislike? It doesn't really give value for the things that we like in life either.. as it's not really real if we are brutally honest. I feel like we keep toying around with the right and wrong when one experiences a slight awakening like me using it to deflect something that i don't want to face. Which seems toxic, but then again acceptance is just as toxic because sometimes when i struggle it's better to get things done and then other times struggling makes things, and rationality isn't always the best answer as it has it's blind spots as a paradigm, all this annoys me because i can't have any clear answers and i am uncertain of everything even my own name is at a 60% of truth as i never hold anything at a 100% even gravity belief is still at 60%.. that's my ego's rules as it understands it can't be certain due to it's humanly equiped psyche
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Dear K;
I suggest you read as much of this forum as possible. The answers lie herein, but you have to put the time in.
Love ya, Jed
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i've read several topics but i felt like your answers to them did not resonate to me or maybe my ego is too sneaky to disguise it as a non answer
i will give it a try for the next month or 2 of reading an hour a day, if i am unable to find it let's resume breaking down my ego's blind spots
thank you jed
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all i can understand is
IT IS
that's all there is to it
everything else is an illusion
it brings me back to square 1 of WHY
and why is still part of the dream so it's meaning is pointless
everything remains uncertain
why am i searching if everything is an illusion
an infinite illusion loops
what the **** jed this is day 1 and i'm already just as **** lost as i was the first place
i did spend time reading enlightment books, meditating i've been searching for truth for years, i've only been introduced to enlightenment last year and even on this path i feel like a dead circle and i looped, i did get maybe an awakening but i'm not even sure of it, i got my few AHA moments but theirs a chance that wasn't even real as i just felt i couldn't communicate as there are no words for it
everything is an illusion
even these words they have no meaning but our brains have been trained to make them come to life even though their just lines drawings symbols.. we could turn the letter a into representing a nation or your mom or your food if the human psyche and dogma let it be that way
for **** sake what am i searching for if it doesn't exist jed
experience? intellect knowledge graph paradigms ? it makes me feel like hey why not just find out by killing myself to see what happens next if i am really that infinite
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why should not address other people around us? why is our problem if it's our thoughts that judge and want to speak out? this doesn't sound like freedom it sounds like it's restricting it but then as i look again it does make sense not to bother or care as it's not buying into the illusion
but then again we are still partaking in that illusion we still choose things in the illusion nothings ever right or wrong in it
i feel like i'm looping..
remember they are just thoughts.. huh.. then why am i even here if so.. why.. because it is?.. my partner in crime ego.. why can't we partners in bliss? why do we pick between them? confusion arises loop increases with no validity around it of being certain with a goal, why is it important to have a goal? why not? i'm not significant so what? i am on denial? i loop..
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so i should just enjoy the life drive as it is without being too attached to it?
what should i participate in ? there is no goal for all of this it is what it is i loop
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quote:
"First off.. it was an experience and T/R is not an experience. Experiences come and go as you found out. Once you are done, you are done and you know you are. With my Nav Series students I also pretty much know when someone is done.
B:) A ''teaser'' such as you experienced can be a powerful experience and there is a strong tendency to look back to it and attempt to repeat it. This can be a major hurdle because it obviously takes you out of the present moment.
3.) My suggestion is that you completely forget about it. Let it go and be in this present moment as best you can. Relax and breath. You are being dreamt, breathed and lived. Might as well enjoy the entertainment presented to you.
Lastly... don't try to figure anything out. Not only is that impossible, it only generates more stories and deepens that illusion that you have control and that you can understand that which is impossible to understand."
is this my answer? i am trying too hard to understand everything with an ego, i should just live life while being detached as i cherry pick it around when given with present choices? or does anything go as there is no one answer
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Absorb First off, B and 3, all you need is there but you need to get it at a cellular level.
Love ya, Jed.
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i can't seem to enjoy the responsibility part it's too much of a pain, this body has lazy human traits with no motivation at life as i(the body) still find it pointless even if my(the body) goal is to experience it, i feel like there is nothing to experience as i've seen it all i keep repeating an algorithm, i am bored i am not stupid, i think of myself as not that dumb but deep down i know i am a pawn and i am way dumber than i would expect not to be
how do i overcome this am i just supposed to use a habit change routine to brain wash myself to like life?
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Your suffering lies solely in your thoughts that something should change. Tell me why something should be different and I will bow down to you. But, I don't want to hear any thoughts from you because I never believe thoughts.
Love ya, Jed.
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i just took a random walk around my room with no thoughts no judgement, i told myself before hand i would stop thinking and walk around without following or starting any thoughts, i didn't even speak to myself as i walked where to next i just was present in my walk
i felt an odd sensation but it's probably just an illusion
i felt like i got an answer maybe this is it?
but then i realized oh it's just another thought..
how do i communicate if everything i have in my head are thoughts
clear it all out, empty it..
and then what do i have left?
present experience
my mind screams it is not enough this is not the answer i want
why am i not satisfied?
because i created a thought of not being satisfied the loop continues.
i clear my thoughts again
how do i live with no thoughts?
why am i complicating things
as you said my suffering lies in my thoughts..
why should something be different, well wouldn't it be nice if it were pure bliss? but that pure bliss thought is another thought and another self limited belief that i hold dearly
i shall continue to read i may or may not find something
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i don't exist
i can understand that the mind isn't me
and everything i say is bullshit
everything i think of is an illusion
but what next what's after enlightment?
i don't even feel enlightened i probably aren't as i didn't do any self inquiry work all i did was brutal read through books and this forum and i get the concept and i believe in it
believe in it like it's truth? i can rationalize it's more accurate as everything is a trained thought
this language doesn't exist it's only pure drawings of lines but our mind was just trained to learn this type of illusion overtime
how to unlearn this crap that we are used to
**** im stuck again
there is no need to unlearn some habits but jeez i do not feel enlightened i just feel as pointless as i was
**** my thoughts
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What is T/R transcendence? SA self assessment?
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You don't think you are enlightened... because you seek something that you have no idea of... it's not even a feeling and certainly not a thought, it's a knowing (more than anything).
Stick with your experience.. you already have it, and all you really want. Just be as open as you can.
Love ya, Jed.
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open as i can on what? not knowing anything and being uncertain of everything as they are all stories and thoughts?
how to live such a complicated life is it just cherry picking everything all over again?
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Life is dog-simple.... it's only thinking that complicates it.
Love ya, Jed.
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i find myself backsliding a lot even when i say aha i got it, i'll just be present
then within minutes to hours i just get mad and frustrated
i detect my thoughts and say that's not me
yet i get frustrated within moments or so
i have been on this cycle for quite a while but recently it's quite heavy as it's all i have this pattern has grown strong and is hard to let go off
i know i dont exist why am i sad every moment about it because i keep thinking about it, alright ill just let go of thinking
and then i loop again getting mad
i have awareness but i don't have bliss
i guess i'm just agitated by not having great health or i'm holding onto the past where the days of being healthy and meditating were bliss and i felt like my life was perfect as i practised gratitude but it all went away
oh again stuck in my thoughts that shifted me back to backslide again
it's not real nothing is real..
what am i supposed to do if i keep looping like this with no clarity?
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broken clarity *
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Forget about why and look for how. What is the beginning of a loop. Do an intervention if you feel like it.
Watching what is happening very closely will change things all on their own. You are not needed, awareness is.
Love ya, Jed.
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why are things are the way they are : alright i'll let go about that question
How are things the way they are? I can't really answer this they just are.. or rather i let them be by thinking more thoughts?
I'm stuck again jed
awareness is only needed?
I've been aware the whole time of not being real and everything is an illusion
and that didn't really get me anywhere.. because i just keep bringing more thoughts
how do i go around this?
i feel like i'm just mentally masturbating with mind games at this point
i am looking for answer when there is no answer
is this my answer?
i am looking for a clear path
there is no clear path
i am looking for what to do with this shitty body that i hate
which is another story
**** this is complicated
even with self-inquiry it's even more frustrating as i can't find myself when there is no self to find as that is true self
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quote
"Regarding spiritually being connected to people, I've noticed you said we are the world, yet I notice some of your advices where you say it's ok to cut people out if their low conscious, but then again isn't that contradicting since it's still our beautiful universe and it's all us as we are god? so how does this unconditional love work? why function it in a conditioning way with people around us? and the paradox of being detached from people/reality.. how does true intimacy actually work? "
"The contradiction arises because everyone is at a different level. Cutting people out of your life is about being Adult, universal love is about T/R. They are very different."
What do you mean by T/R ? transcendence?
Why are they different?
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T/R means Truth Realization.
Don't try to make sense out of any of this venture. It doesn't make sense.
Love ya, Jed.
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if i am not seeking any sense in it why am i on it's venture? and why be on this venture..? truth is life is programmed and nothing is to be certain what do i gain of this? nothing
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nothing because i choose it to be nothing unless if i affirm myself otherwise this brain is pure self-deception zone
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Nothing, but ''nothing'' is not what you think, it is what is. Thinking is ''some'' thing even though it's nothing. It distracts you massively. If you don't like the ride then get off it. There are many other rides available.
Love ya, Jed.
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How do i know which ride is for me without bs?
Is there no way of knowing as it's all subjective to cherry pick experience?
Self deception rides everywhere..
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Whatever arises next is for you... now jump on.
Love ya, Jed.
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I don't trust my mind Jed.. I don't trust this spacesuit but i guess i should use it with more caution
I have gained nothing but a full circle loop ironically but it feels better
Feeling detached while participating feels more calm then try harding worrying that i'm that important when the body isn't that important as it might think it is ofcourse i'd like it healthy but i still exist forever regardless if the body dies
Just won't have the memory of it next time which is a pain but it's alright i'll find myself eventually ; )
love ya
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;) ;) ;)
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hey jed, what does H/A mean?
Quote "1.) You think something should be other than it is. This is the ''I am a minor deity and know better than God'' syndrome. This thinking utilizes words like: should, shouldn't, must be, can't be, I need and/or I want. All quite sub-optimal for anyone seeking happiness and H/A."
my present experience changes quite often
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Dear K:
H/A means Human Adulthood. There are surprisingly few real adults in the world. Most 50 yearish bodies are occupied by 7 to 10 year olds. A cursory look around will pretty much confirm that.
H/A is not a prerequisite to Truth Realization, however it makes the journey, and circumstances that can arise from T/R much easier to deal with.
I suggest you watch your behavior and ask yourself, ''Are my actions gentle, kind and loving?'' or ''Are my actions selfish, less than gentle, jealous and petty?'' That's just a broad brush stroke but covers that basics.
So... how did you do. ??? ??? ??? ::) :P ;) ;)
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I'm still a child taking lots of childish actions !!! :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[
although i love the playfulness of being a child and not so serious at life :P :P :P
:'( i don't want to grow up :'(
i can try balance the 2 i guess :o maybe ???
:( ;D :( ;D :( ;D a mixture of moods swing as clouds pass by reality is quite strange isn't yet simple and not ;)
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Don't confuse H/A with not having child like qualities. Fun, play and lack of seriousness are instrumental in being a genuine adult. Lose those qualities and you are pretty much a boring husk...
Love ya, Jed.
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I'm losing touch on being practical, i'm aware of everything and nothing
Should i go back to sleep and play the life role of this body with just some minor to major adjustments? Even though the answer was clear do whatever you want just be aware of the ego's illusions fake needs/wants.
hmm it's quite a hard approach, have i loop'd once more?
wish it was a permanent clear forever high :(
i feel like the ego has clung/attached itself to an insight of an illusion when it's something that can't be communicated with in the first place
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Wishing, as you are, for a ''permanent clear forever high'', while attainable, will never be achieve while you are wanting it. That wanting is precisely what blocks it. In other words, they are mutually exclusive.
Instead of wishing, try accepting and being with whatever arises. It will take you closer to your goal as opposed to further away from it.
Love ya, Jed.
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the role of life, when a negative arises should I just accept it over resist ?
what about my actions towards life? if i lazy off my days, i may end up not achieving anything even there is nothing to be achieved as it's all in the mind.
accepting a so 'making a living' is also part of it and so is accepting lazyness. i feel counter intuitive at points when i embrace lazy days even when i cherish the now with them but i feel like i meet doom when i slack off something that was mandatory to success.
if i meet a paradox between a positive and negative, should i keep cherry picking positives? or will that be my downfall of not observing them, sometimes positives do not serve me i am aware. but sometimes they seem rather beneficial.. hard to tell out toxic or not due to a lack of intellect before calculating the next move
i am aware this is from in ego thought story
it seems i'm stuck in my past loop as i bought the story
how do i approach practicality should i do what i want with extra awareness or will that still bring me doom?
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The way out is through, right through the middle of anything and everything that arises.
If you like sleeping indoors and eating now and then, you have to work in this dream. That's how you designed it. There are other dreams that don't require work.
Love ya, Jed.
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hey jed, i need some guidance on some meditation practise
i want to try a dark meditation retreat but i'm not sure what the guidelines are on such practice retreats
The practise is said to not expose ourself to any stimulation / light / sound just a dark room so it could hire our awareness/sensitivity overtime.
Are we allowed to shower? Since we're fasting 24/7 for 2 weeks is it ok to continue on the retreat after eating minimal foods 400~800 cal after the 2 weeks has passed? I'd like to go for a 5month dark home retreat but I'm unsure how to do this. How often should i drink water and how much? Would 400ml be enough per day for the first 2 weeks? I plan to do this although I can't seem to find any rules/guidelines on it? Any idea jed of such practises?
I'm going to try home like meditation
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I suggest you ask the people who are putting in on. If they don't have any guide lines, I doubt if they know what they are doing.
Of course, you can always make up your own rules. I like making up my own rules when called for.
Love ya, Jed
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How do i deal with unconcious people?
I've been reading in spirtual books not to judge people but how is that possible to react to people if i can't judge them?
When is it time to judge and make up a story behind someone on how i treat them?
Should i really always be kind? Can i be a dick? Should i be both even though there is no me preference?
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Realize there are no people to deal with. They are just images in a dream and you have attached concepts and evaluations to them.
Be kind, be a dic, who cares. Those are just b.s. concepts made up by your mind. Beside, there is no free will and no you to exercise it if it did exist.
I suggest you go way beyond your stories of shoulds and shouldn'ts. If something appears to be then it is, but only an appearance in a dream. Who are you to know that is better or worse, especially in this dream.
Love ya, Jed.
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Is it possible to let go of a relationship over night? My ex keeps popping up on my memories and dreams from time to time, Does the subconscious mind control me as in the body's thoughts most of the time? It seems like i have no control at time or very limited control to what happens. it makes me feel powerless as i feel like i'm under a spell that is beyond my will
It's bothering me not because i let it but rather because it's being a nuisance of yes i love no i don't love mixed feelings of justifying why
How do i counter this?
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It's very possible to let go of relationships. Perhaps not overnight, it's dependent on the volume of importances you have attached to it, but it's much easier than you might think. The main challenge is no one has ever taught you how to do it. It's counter to the interest of Maya/ego and the human drama that they love and encourage. Learning how to do it takes some time and direction, but it is a powerful skill that is applicable in many facets of humanness. You don't have to suffer but you have to know what to do about it in order to make changes. I teach it in the Nav Series.
Love ya, Jed.
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Changing people vs accepting people.
Sometimes people's patterns are toxic or not how ideally it would be better for them or you.
Often people say we have no power on how to change people, but sometimes if the dice is played well they can be manipulated to the better or worse. Some people given in while others have thick limited beliefs while others don't know any better. It's quite odd even if they are unconscious and claim being conscious.
How do i work around this? Should i change people's bad habits in a relationship? Should i try help out family in being better at something or realizing something? Or should i just point out what can be done and let it be? Is it ok to repeat advice after telling them your understanding of their point of view? What's the best approach around this?
The way i see it if i have a preference why not go for it? And then i'm struggling with maybe my preference is the problem? It depends i did examine it it seems true and untrue at the same time.
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Dear K;
STOP RIGHT THERE... you have no idea what is best for others, in reality, you probably don't even know what it best for you. How arrogant to think you can change people or make suggestions to make them better. SHUT UP. You have much growing and learning to do yourself without being concerned about others. You are just avoiding experience your own pain by focusing on ''improving'' others.
Of course, that is all b.s., but take it on if you feel it applies, and ignore it if you don't. It's your experience that matters, just stop lying to yourself.
Love ya, Jed.
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How do i deal with a break up with no closure? My ex probably cheated I have no evidence behind it but the signs were alarming as i just noticed her patterns of being detached talking about the guy she met and an often disappearance with no excuse or fill in on what she does.
Any magic pointers jed :(
It's been 3months and heartaches are quite often, even though we've been together for 3 years.
She used to make me feel like a king said i'm amazing and i'm irreplaceable and yet she just did it out of the blue it's just so sudden.
Now everytime i see women around me i just think of them as **** to their emotions. i can't see the possibility of true faith anymore as we're all pretty much programmed to desire mindlessly without seeing through an illusion.
Should i never introduce the idea of awakening to people?
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Think about this long and hard.
How can you introduce the concept/idea/ideal of awakening to others when you know not of what you speak? It would just be lying and deceiving, exactly what you want others to stop doing to you. You sound hypocritical and destined to fail, ergo, more suffering and grief for you.
Suck it up princess... you are not the first one in the world to have a lover go sideways on you, s h i t happens and in the human experience it can happen quite frequently. So what? Really so what? Did it kill you? Did it cut off a limb or cripple you... if it had, I would still say the same thing.. so what ??? ??? ???
Despite my harsh tone, I love you and only want to communicate that there is a way of living (in this dream) that entails much, much less suffering, but you have to grow up... you have to really want it. I went to though all that angst you describe and got over it, in (permit me a little bragging if you will) remarkably/unusually short time. It was just a decision that there was no wrong, no guilty party, and everyone was doing the very best they could with the resources they had at hand. As time passes and experiences accumulate, one tends to acquire more resources. That's just the nature of the human experience.
Forgive everyone you have ever met, everyone you will every (conceivably) meet and, most of all, forgive yourself. Start small, very small.
Forgiving has nothing to do with making anyone right or wrong. No one is every right or wrong, there is no one who could ever be. Right or wrong is just an assignment of mind to enhance the sense of separation.
Everyone you meet, everyone you hate, everyone you love, is just a reflection of you.. pointing you back to your True Nature, however, it will only be seen as such if you have the courage to let it be so, now... go and do it. NOW!
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. Thank you for the opportunity to rant.
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the separation continues to exist jed, the magical of oneness can't be felt. as much as i believe everything is me i practically still need the separation to exist to function. it's kind of sad how do i treat me with such absurdity of the beautiful non-dual?
can you give me any pointers to grow up?
if you ask me what i want, it'll probably be the same as any human comfort and being content with life which ultimately results from freedom
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For you there is one major/first step. Start forgiving... don't do it to get anything, do it because you want to release everything. Start small. It has nothing to do with the object or person you are forgiving. It's all about you, and who you think you are. When I suggest forgiving, I am mean forgiving everything, it's broad-spectrum forgiving. Every thought, every person who has appeared in your dream, absolutely everything possible.
It's a start, but a good one. Now go to it.
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. If there is someone you just can't forgive then forgive yourself for not being able to forgive them.
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How do i know if i have truly forgiven everything? I sure can say yes jed i forgave everything now what? But i'm not even sure myself if i have forgiven everything even though i feel like i hold no grudge towards anyone and i mean no harm towards anyone.
I thought i was enlightened or awakened a while ago but i feel like i'm far away from it.. perhaps i've deceived myself thinking otherwise..
I think it's just i somewhat intellectually get it but my perceptions and my ego feels like it needs to be fixed even though it's just a story fix.. who would've thought a dream character takes a while to optimize
Here goes nothing, i am not attached to what was, i am now present now. the past does not matter, perhaps it's just a stepping stone to walk around, what should i take off the past? experiences? learnt skills?
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You are a long way from forgiving everything. Now go back to work on it.
If you think you have forgiven everything then forgive yourself for thinking that.
There is much in you that need releasing.
Love ya, Jed.
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I have some major limited belief i've learned off some disney movies from my childhood
I always thought love would be with one single person and that would be my soulmate that i'd give everything up for
Yet it seems like it's burning me inside seeing that my ego rule is being threatened and has happened without any value to it
It feels very sad about it, it's so strong that i even want to imply on it on everyone for some reason
How do i let go of such limited beliefs it was or still is a really a strong value core of care
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Read my post and do what I suggest... of don't.
Love ya, Jed.
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how do i practise forgiving making sure i've done it right? should i forget the past? or should i keep affirming that i forgive for a few days? should i love the past and every moment?
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I suggest you first of all decide that you are doing to forgive, absolutely everything. Then whatever arises, say to yourself. ''I forgive (you) or (it).
If you think you are doing it wrong, then forgive yourself for thinking you are doing it wrong. When I say forgive everything and everyone I mean JUST THAT.
Now, go do it.
Love ya, Jed.
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i've affirmed myself to forgive
Edit: jed i just realized there is no love as it's just an illusion of created wants it's not really genuine as if some of those conditions are met the other person is detached overtime.
Should i never pursue love? Should i never let the victim get any power over me if i wanted to keep them? or is being vulnerable fine?
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What do you think is the answer to your questions... be wise now.. very wise.
Love ya, Jed.
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i am always a selfish manipulator jed even when i try to act all innocent i can see the lies i create and justify it to be right, how can i be wise when it's always been like this
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Just realizing this is wisdom, give yourself a little credit and let your awareness take care of it.
How is your forgiveness project going? If you aren't working on forgiveness and working on it seriously, please don't bother posting again, I can't be of assistance because you aren't taking my suggestions to heart.
Love ya, Jed.
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i'm really trying to forgive, i kept telling myself i forgive myself and everything that has happened to me
i woke up today to visions of my ex having sex with her so
it was just so painful to see that, mind you even though it's been 3 years with her i did not take her virginity away due to her being religious as i respected her religion and her family as they would be against it, i wasn't selfish for my wants even though i wanted to so bad, yet she's left me for lust on another guy which i affirmed to her as a joke but she developed it as a crush and longing since she was emotionally bonding with him behind my back, it's a long story.. and a fake one it doesn't matter yet the ego still seems to cling to it with brutality it feels like it's rules should've been rewarded yet someone else reaps it, i tried to change her for the better through self help but it turned against me, it's like a regular employee that was innocent and nice to everyone and then suddenly got promoted to a manager and started being a mean dick with power abuse, that's what it feels like when i look at her
i'm really trying to forgive i wrote a forgive journal i wrote my memories and how i felt i didn't reject it and i said i'm ok with it all but i have no idea why i dreamt about her this morning with this random guy with a bigger dick than me and she was in ecstasy which was even more painful
it's all rubbish.. i understand it's only a story yet why can't i forgive a shitty story gone wrong, i guess it's because i invested so much time with her and i miss being around her and her warmth..
i just realized my ego wants to posses so bad, wants to cling and attach to things he owns so bad just because he thinks he deserves it because he's worked for it he ignores reality and sets his own bullshit rules who he hates when someone comes in and changes them and doesn't go around the ego's expectations
i'm sorry jed, i really want to thank you for everything so far
i'm looking at myself as you said 'please don't post here again if you don't take it seriously'
i am serious, why can't you see that i wondered, i wouldn't be here trying.. then again i examined myself and thoughts am i serious? or am i lying to myself? am i so desperate i want jed's attention and care and not do all the work seeking for more answers and guides?
i'm investing my time into spiritual books/higher consciousness books right now not sure if their helping
Edit:
If i am not the body or the mind, why do i need to identify myself to forgive the stories? Can't i just let go by ignoring the stories of the past and just cherry pick from now on? Or is this a pitfall if i do that? I'm not sure how to swallow the pill of it's not me but the mind. I'm aware i am the perceive that's seeing all this yet the mind has it's own delusions that are automated as i beam in as i look around
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dear jed,
i'm stuck in between forgiveness and letting go of all thought which one should i proceed with? should i stop identifying myself with my past? or should i identify myself and forgive?
edit: if i can forgive anything, it feels like i'm telling myself like i can do whatever i want and always forgive later and not care, having such justification feels weird when i overthink it, i'm used to the rule that it always matters what we do in life
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Forget all you blah, blah... so as I said, just forgive and keep forgiving. I am dead serious. This is what you need until you don't need it.
Love ya, Jed.
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jed i'm ashamed to admit but i have an insane crave/longing for her not just lust wise but emotionally deep i really feel so much love towards here it hurts, i'm not resisting the love and neither am i trying to forget her but she keeps coming around my head all day everyday, especially the moment i wake up from bed she's the first thing that comes into mind
how do i go around this while practicing forgiveness?
i've tried to stop masturbating by thinking about her, the habit to cut out **** seems difficult but i'm currently still trying to give it up i seem to give in within a day or 2 seems like i have a ridiculous addiction to her..
I notice a lot of jealousy arises that we're not together and i feel like i deserve her for all i've done yet i know she's innocent and she doesn't belong to me she is free as i am yet i feel sad that there is no true story, i always wanted it to be true one and only
i'm very confused on my own emotions, how do i forgive that which is innocent? how do i forgive my madness and other people's madness
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Jed am i supposed to take care of my inner child my emotional response, is that why i need to keep forgiving? I'm still practising on forgiving as i read through books, will take sometime probably to get content on forgiving i'm not so sure myself. I feel clouded by the books and purpose seems undetermined of what i want, I think i want to just gain more knowledge before setting foot or path to what it is on life's destination. I feel like i still lack something, Not sure if this seeking is pulling me back should i keep reading a few spiritual books that i have in mind?
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Do not read anything, just learn how to, and practice, forgiveness, nothing else at all, PERIOD!
Love ya, Jed.
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Jed i've tried i really tried, i'm stuck on learning on how to forgive the thoughts keep coming by and swipe me and my ego gets mad at being so belittled it feels so important so significant yet i know it's not a big deal.. yet the emotions and feelings are still there even if i say it's alright i forgive.
I started reading as i try to forgive and let go daily, was reading about astral projections, people claim they can see phenomena before it happens, or things in their dreams and it's real in reality as they confirm it after an outerbody experience, such as near death experiences where they peep tom the other room and hear everything, what are your thoughts on astral projections?
some four basic structures of world views from mysticism views
Stages Worldviews Path of example
Psychic Nature mysticism (Yogis) Ralph Waldo emerson
Subtle Deity mysticsm (saints) saint teresa of avila
Causal - formless mysticism (sages) Meister eckhart
Nondual - non dual mysticism ------ sri ramana maharshi
Am i looping? I'm seeking peace of mind yet, why am i looking at my world? I answer myself as i'm trying to understand it before i make a move on what i really want
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I told you what to do, now go and do it like your life depended upon it, and stop filling your head with that garbage you are reading. It's a waste of your time. DON"T try to forgive, that guarantees you will fail. jut DO IT! It's just a decision.
Love ya, Jed.
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I DID I REALLY DID, i said out loud i forgive everything and everything that has ever happened to me, i repeated it and smiled and i said i'm ready to move on and live, next day i felt better temporary, next day woke up remembered some moments with her and i'm like WHY DID SHE CHEAT WHY? WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG? WHY DOES SHE LIE SO MUCH WHY? WHY IS SHE BAD AT COMMUNICATING WHY DIDNT SHE TELL ME STUFF WHY WAS SHE HIDING WHEN I TRIED MY HARDEST FOR HER, it just loops , WHY DOES SOME PICK UP JERK GET TO **** HER WHILE I CARE SO MUCH AND TRIED TO CONTRIBUTE SO MUCH FOR HER YET ALL MY EFFORT IS WASHED WAY LIKE NOTHING LIKE IM WORTHLESS
what am i doing wrong jed? i don't seem to understand how to forgive.. i ride my thoughts easily with emotions/sadness some anger at times, i do not really resent much, sometimes i even ride it the thought with feelings of love and it ends up with a lot of sadness for not being a happy end for us
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Your forgiveness work is just fine, but you aren't going to undo a lifetime of experiences with one day of dedication to forgiveness. You said that you felt a little better the next day... so, tell me, while aren't you devoting every day to massively forgiving? Do you enjoy the rush you get from your dramatic whining. When I talk about forgiveness I am not just tinkering around, suggesting you do it for an hour or two... bliss out a little and then forget it.
You need to forgive everything, not just somethings, EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, INCLUDING YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO FORGIVE.
Now, go and do it, do it for all you are worth. If it's not easy, then forgive and inability to forgive.
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. I forgive you for not being able to forgive... totally and unreservedly.
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Thank you jed, i'll try and keep forgiveness close..
Is forgiveness the same as love? Loving everything around me and myself for every situation? or is it different?
I noticed but i am not sure are you trying to guide me to take care of my inner emotional needs to acknowledge them? Isn't that counter intuitive on waking up?
I want to become a human adult but i am not sure what you mean by human adult at times, The human adult you refer to feels different from the current society that is conditioned right? It seeks things different or so i thought to myself as i discussed with someone else about your books. What is it that i am seeking? Enlightenment? True self? Jed's version of human adult of knowing what i want in life? I don't even know jed's version to be honest, I thought i should read and explore your books more, as spirtual warfare contains some leadings to becoming one. I haven't finished it yet, And i heard the end of dreamstate contains some human adult traces. Should i be looking here? I'm still doing this superhuman program and i distracted.. myself for a while, i neglect time quite often, Quite strange yet normal.. What is that i am doing i ask myself? I am really lost yet i feel like i have a clear path just seek more knowledge regarding spirituality and come to peace with it soon enough. As that awareness will help eventually.
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Whether or not human love and forgiveness are the same is a pretty extensive topic. Just too much to deal with here.
Patience is next to the importance of forgiving. Just stick with it, I am confident you will see some relief in the near future.
And, never ask ''why'' again because there is no reason for anything. Everything just happens on it's own.
Love ya, Jed.
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jed can you guide me through being a human adult or should i read through spirtual warfare and later comment where i'm stuck on being a human adult?
I'm stuck on whether i should be kind loving vs selfish or a dick
How does a human adult act? (a human adult that is beyond society condition norms)
Jed quotes :
"I suggest you watch your behavior and ask yourself, ''Are my actions gentle, kind and loving?'' or ''Are my actions selfish, less than gentle, jealous and petty?'' That's just a broad brush stroke but covers that basics. "
"Realize there are no people to deal with. They are just images in a dream and you have attached concepts and evaluations to them.
Be kind, be a dic, who cares. Those are just b.s. concepts made up by your mind. Beside, there is no free will and no you to exercise it if it did exist.
I suggest you go way beyond your stories of shoulds and shouldn'ts. If something appears to be then it is, but only an appearance in a dream. Who are you to know that is better or worse, especially in this dream."
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Tell me one specific thing that you need assistance with.
Love ya, Jed.
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please guide me through the process of reaching human adulthood, i'm still reading your book on spirtual warfare in the mean while, thank you
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Short of doing the Nav Series I suggest you observe those around you as best you can. They are almost without exception 7 year olds in adult bodies. Observer their behaviors, beliefs, etc, and then practice doing the opposite. Then you might want to watch yourself and also do the opposite. This is a gross simplification as there is much more just below the surface of ''żou'''. But it's a start.
Love ya, Jed.
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how long does it take to become a human adult? can i be one within a month or 2? or does it take years? if the ego is an healthy open minded ego, i'd like to see myself as open to every possibility yet i'm closed to my own insecurities i have difficulty taming emotions just as any immature unconscious human
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It can take minutes or a life time. You must be clear on your motivation, what is it that has you wanting H/A. If you just want to avoid pain the I suggest you increase you pain.... and then increase it further.
Most new age and pop-phsy books teach how to suppress it. Only a temporary bandage. Use that imagination, which is already making you miserable, and imagine even greater misery, and still greater misery. Now, I am not suggesting you hurt anyone here, other than yourself, and you have already hurt your self more than a lifetimes worth.
However, my words are meaningless... you need to experience your pain fully in order to grow up and become more adult.
There is nothing wrong with you (or her) it's just that you are living a rather miserable existence and it's all in your head.
Love ya, Jed.
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what else besides amplifying pain? do i need to have a look out at other aspects? and what usually does happen will i just stop and see it as meaningless overtime? I'm just guessing..
I feel like i've had enough pain and i want change all of a sudden or rather i feel less pain because i just see it as ridiculous right now. And i want to just be more ego like and take care of myself instead of over caring about others, Am i on the right path? i'm being selfish and i kind of like it, i've always been an ass kisser for a long time, not a perfect ass kisser but i do genuinely care more about others than myself which has costed me a lot more than it's worth, but then again what am i worth? am i backsliding?
i feel like i'm not even ready with my inner peace before i try and help out any, maybe someday when i find my inner peace i'll try to give back to the universe, well it's not like i will be a completely selfish ego, i just see myself being selfish and selfless with moderation may be healthy
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In my experience, the only really healthy thing might do in this dream is to realize that it is a dream and you are a dreamed character.
WAKE UP!
Love ya, Jed.
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when i try to wake up, i just see the current life problems still keep existing in the dream, i get even more annoyed of not having any power to control the dream but rather the dream rides me into **** that i don't want jed, i want freedom i can't get it without dreamy hard work which is painful
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If you aren't willing to do the work, no matter what it takes, then it's not for you. You aren't hurting enough to make the sacrifices need to really go ''free''.
Love ya, Jed.
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alright jed, apparently there are not many magical shortcuts in life to achieve more illusions
i'm still seeking human adulthood, which books would you recommend me to read?
i've done spiritual enlightenment the damnedest thing and theory of everything i think (can't remember)
I heard spiritual warfare from a friend that it does point on how to achieve human adulthood, what about spiritually incorrect enlightenment ? dreamstate ? jed talks?
should i go through them all or should i skip spiritually incorrect enlightenment?
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I suggest you read your posts and my responses over and over and over and over....
After a few hundred times let me know what you have learned. If you haven't learned anything then go back and read your post and my responses another couple of hundred times.
Love ya, Jed
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i've read through our post once
i've learned :
letting go, being present, stop trying to recreate an old experience feel, forgiving everything, stop trying to control people, paitence i need to learn proper patience, i'm not as important as i think i am, i have a lot of nonsensical stories that i believe in
---
give me a week or 2 to go through them a hundred times, i've just noticed that i have really bad memory recall as i read through, i don't even remember typing any of that.. it's kind of sad.. that's how bad my brain fog is : (.. i really need more sleep i wish i had better health and no tinnitus, i wish i could sleep normally it feels terrible..
jed thank you for everything so far you've been wonderful to me and everyone else
love ya, ( I also noticed i stopped appreciating you half away i took you for granted as you were nice to me, did i just create another thought/story?)
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Can you create anything other than a thought or story? You certainly can't create Truth.
Love ya, Jed
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Since i cannot create anything.. You just confused me : S.. what are you pointing at?
Human child hood is petty,fearful and grating. Human adulthood is open,easy and in tune with all rather than just itself. (from your book)
When i asked you about being a dic, you said who cares do whatever you want in all this dreaming/role playing but i'm confused when it's ok to be petty, i guess i shouldn't put limits but then again i don't really know what i want jed, i want to live an easy free life i guess..
so i should just do it while being more present? i don't really like being petty but i sometimes feel like i want to go on my emotions instead of supressing my pettyness with awareness
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What you are talking about has nothing to do with the real you. It's all in the dream. If you want a better dream then you need a better skill set.
Love ya, Jed.
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what about working on living life through the integral level? how do i know the signs that the universe is asking me to do things to get what i want or better yet a wish that i have not wished for yet it's giving it's optional to take as it's leading me towards it?
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Please re-write and simplify.
Thanks in advance,
Cheers.
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I'm reading your book "Spiritual warfare"
I'm just wondering how do i manage to be more like you living from the integral state, taking your decisions from there. Just like how the universe invited you to write your third book, you wouldn't do it out of your own as it's artificial, you did it because you read the signs that it gave you, from selling the house till meeting the people that you did.
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I simply do what's presented with no stories and no resistance. That is sufficient.
Love ya, Jed.
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I can't tell the difference between what is presented/sign and what is a story.. How do i counter this?
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is it all just another thought/belief?
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Your belief is just another story. What if there is no difference at all.... no difference between anything?
Love ya, Jed.
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if there is no difference, what's the point? just do anything i guess..
whatever i feel like, but even my feelings are just body made and aren't core spirit, so i should flow with whatever that seems fine?
yikes jed i loop : )
i feel like it really is just a cherry pick of whatever the mind presents
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:P :P :P
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it's simple yet complicated
this is the effort and result of trying hard to understand it, it's beyond me, yet it's in me
rant's are what i enjoy
life is what i enjoy
even suffering oddly
being alive with some presence is quite magical
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Good work my man, good work!
Love ya, Jed
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since i'm getting no where, i have to adapt or get used to it
or rather just let it be and enjoy the ride of being annoyed by it
does the universe actually care about me? does absolute truth care about me or us ? even though we are it the presence
does it ever give us what we need or want? do our thoughts that beg at it for something
will it ever be granted ? even though it is what feeds us such thoughts
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Hi Khalifa:
I cut and past for my asnwer.
since i'm getting no where, i have to adapt or get used to it (you don't have to adapt to anything, just stop resisting everything)
or rather just let it be and enjoy the ride of being annoyed by it (might as well)
does the universe actually care about me?(no, it doesn't care in the least. Caring is pure an element of the dream based on survival and a desire for continuity. Truth doesn't care about anything at all. It contains all thoughts but is not a thought.)
does absolute truth care about me or us ? even though we are it the presence (Never, not it's job. It's job is just to allow what arises to arise).
does it ever give us what we need or want? (How can it, it doesn't know what you want and couldn't care about it if it did) do our thoughts that beg at it for something
will it ever be granted ? (Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but has nothing at all to do with Truth) even though it is what feeds us such thoughts. (Trust doesn't feed anybody anything, talk to your parents, your teachers, your government and you friends if you want to find out something about the source of your thoughts.
Love ya, Jed.
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i'm trying this abstaining to ****/****(nofap cult) for some so called benefits of energy/mental clarity giving it a shot, am i resisting the urge to masturbate or am i listening to what i want? which is change, i'm a little confused on what am i resisting am i resisting change or am i resisting masturbating? i feel like with any context i can defend anything around not knowing what am i truly defending? am i resisting fear of failure am i resisting.. what am i resisting is the question, i ask myself what is true, is this true? i can't really figure it out
love ya
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Don't worry, no ''mind'' has ever figured ''it'' out.
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. let go of you need to control. It's very big in you.
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"So you know that the "objective reality" is just in my mind, right? "re-construct" is actually false. Which means all my assumptions about the "objective reality" (including my own cells and dna and chemicals and whatnot) are also false.
This is why you still cling to your identity as a small person in opposition to a big world. And why I feel like a vulnerable outsider who needs to adapt and control and take positions etc. in a hostile external environment."
"Because it looks that way." -- Donald Hoffman
but it's automatic! so taking control can be not really taking control paradox ?
yikes i really don't know how to let go do i jed
love ya
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You actually do know how to let go. You have done it with thousands of (probably) insignificant things in our life. You just have little confidence in you ability are still a bit of a control freak.
Love ya, Jed.
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isn't letting go a form of controlling?
replacing negatives with positives is that resistance?
how do i ascend negatives to positives without being destructive, do i just feel them watch them,act on them by playing the role and they'll automatically change for the good overtime while being aware or is it only after i reflect and contemplate? ( which is another form of controlling.. is it? unless if it's what the mind wants to do, is the mind the boss or am i really a slave i thought i was free )
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What makes you think that letting go is a form of controlling. You've said you can't seem to do is, so you probably don't know much about it.
Please explain how it is a form of controlling.
Love ya, Jed.
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if i say let go, i try to clear my mind, the moment i try to clear my mind am i not controlling myself? or even rather just telling myself i'm watching myself with awareness, isn't that controlling as i just initiated an act
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Dreamstate white rabbit, (the universe gives us what we want as it takes care of us, we learn to trust it slowly)
I'm confused with this paradox jed isn't this wishful thinking? is this even accurate? i thought jed said the universe doesn't care about us, yet adya says the universe gives you what you need and will listen to what you ask for because it's what feeds you to have those, it's all confusing..
Slightly out of topic but a rant crossed my mind
jed makes me feel worthless, i'm ok with feeling worthless because i already feel worthless which is why i came to you, to seek comfort at first, yet it kept rubbing it on me that i just adapted to it saying hey i'm fine with life being meaningless because that's how it's been for quite a while, but how the **** am i supposed to live it, i want answers.. i loop to cherry pick, yet should i be realistic or should i keep wishful thinking there as the universe kind of aids me randomly as it's all happening as you said, but like a religion that says god cares when he doesn't really as he isn't there, but absolute is there, and i wonder if absolute cares even though it's just presence that we are all in that seems chaotic randomly yet its perfect since it's it's own setting void that's beyond what we can communicate, here i am trying to make sense out of it like any other existential being trying to cling to some reason to live rationally, should i pick wishful thinking + rationality to get things done, or should i just pick both or should i switch between the sides and not be positive about things getting done out of the good, i read a post on reddit the other day about some guy posting about some random cousin he had that died in his room for weeks and no one noticed he just used to go to uni and back to his apartment and no one really visits him, his life was crappy, no one cared about him, he had some work, hell even work didn't care to check up on him as they just fired him, that post was depressing to read but then again i think of the random kids in africa just trying to get by to survive the world seems rather cruel, even some random cells that can't really sustain themselves and go around like mindless programmed cells trying to perceive it's CEO presence when it has it's own presence that lets it go around, it's just all **** confusing
I'm ok with feeling meaningless kind of but i still get mad about it it's frustrating overtime
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What do you expect to get our of reading a depressing Reddit post, especially when you don't even know it is real. Maybe just b.s.?
Please tell me exactly what you expect to get before you write about anything else here.
Love ya, Jed.
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i guess i was trying to find the flow of life (being present and knowing what is there to be done, even though it can be anything it doesn't matter) , it's just i can never see or realize i have it
i get washed by some emotions not allowing me to see it because it doesn't feel consistent since it's not aligned with the freedom illusion i imagined, feels like a chain, yet i notice i can enjoy a chain or rather i go skeptic and say do i really enjoy the chain or do am i optimistic about it being deluded once more? all this context and questioning does not really give me freedom and self deception lies in either path i pick which i question context used once more instead of actually living without regrets
i'm still quite confused, i cannot give up illusion nor desire as it's too automated to keep me within, is this what i always wanted temporarily without realizing it?
also, my judgement is rather poor due to being sleep deprived, my brain's burning quite often due to bad sleep so forgive me if i start to sound mad or offsync as i realized i'm just not a 100% in the head lately but that's been like that for quite a while since the tinnitus is very persistent in not letting me have physiological needs met
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Breathing properly is a good start to help with sleep. Have you learned how to breathe?
Love ya, Jed
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i think my breath work is terrible, and i have a cold almost everyday since my immune system is pretty bad
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OK. What are you going to do about it?
Love ya, Jed.
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well what's left is try to breath or not right?
i guess i'll try to breath..
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Don't try, DO!
Cheers...
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apparently i just have a bad way to breath all day, i feel a lot of stress easily lots of crappy thoughts bad lifestyle, major change and action is required and you tell me not to control anything? at this rate i'll be homeless jed
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Home is not what you think it is. You already are homeless and have nothing to lose. In my experience the most wondrous thing a human can do is find out where and what Home really is. You are doing everything you can to avoid that and your pain just ain't going to end that way.
Love ya, Jed.
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I found home as in presence or understanding the unity part, how come do i feel it very temporary? i dislike the idea of wearing the ego once again and feeling all that is and looking at it with negativity playing a game where i am pretending not to be god when i am everything
i guess this is the plot i gave myself
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That's one way of looking at it, but not the only way.
What other point's of view could you take?
Love ya, Jed.
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infinite paradigms come to mind neither right or wrong quite overwhelming or not depending of paradigm of choice
in my case i am weak i keep picking negative ones which cause me to feel what i feel
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Resistance results in persistence... welcome you silly choices, enjoy them.
Love ya, Jed
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jed if life is all about cherry pick do whatever comes across, what is the point of the navigator series?
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O.K. Sit down and listen closely. Time for me to whack you between the eyes.
There is no such thing as life and there is no one who could possibly cherry pick. In addition, they is no point to anything at all until a non-existent mind makes one up.
You are being dreamed and there are certain ways to manage the dream character and this apparentcy so that it's more fun and entertaining. If you want to enjoy the dream you are going to have to let go of your desire to control things. You are trying desperately to make sense of and control darn near everything... but in your heart you know that's just not possibly. This dissonance will eventually wear you out... really out.
Please absorb what I have just written and DO NOT try to make any sense of it. Making sense is just another facet of seeking control. I get that you are quite miserable and unhappy. I am not, so there is as simple lesson, you do not have to be miserable and unhappy... I just proved it to you. If I can do it, anyone can. The option of being miserably is always there, but I don't feel drawn to it.
I did certain things, let go of certain things, lived a certain way and moved to a certain place for no reason at all, other than perhaps they all facilitate me enjoying the entertainment of the dream. You can do it to, and if you don't, the weight of your errant believes will leave you old, wizened, lonely and miserable... just look around you for proof of my assertion. You might even look closely at how you are currently experiencing the dream. You are living proof that what you are doing fails to bring you joy. If you keep doing the same things whist expecting a different result, you are truly much sadder than you realize. What could you do right now that is different that what you would usually do? Now, go do it.
Love ya, Jed.
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it's just the usual health problems, can't get enough sleep and i'm in hell 24/7 due to ongoing tinnitus, i just have no inner peace, i feel like i'm a slave with no breaks, just trying to get through this stupid university engineering crap, i don't think i'll see a day out of it, i've been leaking pee, bed smells like terrible, i just cry my eyes out i want peace man, my brain is burning it's on going, i just want this hell to stop, **** this
how am i supposed to be in inner peace with such health problems, please forgive me for whining, i want to live but i can't seem to do it, my ego wants perfection it wants a fair share, it realizes it's powerless it just wants a decent average luck like all else till 50s or 60s, i'm still in my 20s and i am struggling hating life everyday
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feel much better lately, i let go of control of the silly khalifa character
things are always working out for me, why try? it all comes to me, my life carrer is to seek joy/relief/well being at every moment that is my focus, what makes me feel better? that's all i am after
when i notice something feels unpleasant i just detach myself from it or learn from it rather there isn't anything to learn since i already know it all, there are a number of ways of dealing with it, but it usually just ends up being the same theme i love to explore in life, i just simply relax into life, that is my theme lately and it's been a blast
love you
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Love intimacy in my experience doesn't seem to go well in this dream, does it exist in this dream?
It seems like people are only after themselves and are devils inside be friend other devils and throw you away when they don't want/need you anymore
they say things that are appealing but quite fake, when the time comes they pull away and act like strangers, I'm confused why would such a thing be in this dream, is it just for my entertainment? If that's the case i shouldn't take it seriously yet again it's quite painful at heart i am attached as i deeply loved
Smack me abit, it's been awhile
Right now what i want in life is more power, How do i get it? Perhaps fasting away my chronic illness seems like a good idea, Will give it a shot soon when the universe delivers/manifests some income for me to be able to do it in a clinic in germany