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Messages - Dobby

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1
General Discussion / Re: Dobby's thread.
« on: November 12, 2017, 11:14:47 pm »
Hi Jed,

It is not easy to do this. But I know my life depends on it. What you have asked me to do now, I knew that was what I needed to do before you said it. The falseness needs to stop, for my sake, now.

Maya has started luring me with all sorts of stuff. I got a big pay raise a few days ago. I'm getting interview calls. I'm getting female attention, quite a lot of it, which I deeply craved for years. I am making new friends. My older friends have started valuing me more. All this withing the span of the last few weeks. My parents are proud of me. The other day, I went to the old office, and I looked like a master at my job: people were asking me how-to's and carefully taking advice from me. I felt like a senior techno-guru.

Nothing real, actually. Just more of the same, just more intense, hope. I know nothing of this is going to last for long. I am as alone as I always was. Inside, I am still a huge mess. The thoughts are still raging on.

I need to do what you have said. I tried it, many times yesterday, with little success. I'll keep doing it. It is difficult, but I hope I get better at it, as soon as possible. That, is my singular aim right now. This is because I am tired of being a beggar, of love, of attention, of affection and of material stuff. I am tired of wanting so much. And I strongly suspect, that my thoughts are roots of my fantasies, which are causing all this disappointment and expectations and suffering. So doing this thought watching thing, is my main thing.

How long will it last? I have no clue. But I checked all my priorities, and there is nothing more singularly important to me right now, than to do this thought-watch.

Thanks,
Dobby.

2
General Discussion / Re: Dobby's thread.
« on: November 10, 2017, 09:01:04 pm »
I don't know what is the the 'real' world. But this one is as real as my thoughts and perceptions.

I have come to an understanding that my thoughts are causing much mayhem. I have begun to see my thoughts as my adversaries. I have been trying being mindful of thoughts with some success.

But I don't trust the thoughts. What is to be done, apart from nothing?

3
General Discussion / Re: Dobby's thread.
« on: November 03, 2017, 11:45:43 pm »
Do our fantasies prepare us for the real world? I don't think so.

4
General Discussion / Re: Dobby's thread.
« on: November 01, 2017, 04:13:40 am »
At first I felt confused at what you said, then I felt angry to tears.  :'(  :'(

5
General Discussion / Re: Dobby's thread.
« on: November 01, 2017, 02:22:14 am »
Hi Jed,

I have been writing things like: I don't need a girlfriend. I don't need a family. I don't need love. I don't need food. I don't need air. I don't have a past. I don't need a new job. I don't need more money.

It is true. I don't need anything. My needs are a huge misconception. The fact hasn't sat in yet. But I am repeating these negations, and it feels good.

Thanks,
Dobby.

6
Jed Rants / Re: Jed Rant, by request....
« on: October 07, 2017, 01:38:19 am »
The problem with all these movies is that they make them so as to end in some happy way.... like there was something wrong and by the end it was fixed for good... happily ever after.

I'm watching zero theorum, it's funny. Zero must equal 100% :D

7
Jed Rants / Re: Jed Rant: You can't deal with guilt.
« on: September 10, 2017, 07:43:00 pm »
The whole thing seems so sad  :'( . But if you cannot have the low of leaving people, you probably cannot be euphoric of being with a person. I'm just guessing. My dream character has a non-existent love life anyway.  :P

Thanks,
Dobby.

8
General Discussion / Re: Dobby's thread.
« on: September 04, 2017, 02:52:30 pm »
My opinion.... well, what can I say.... other that stop playing in the kindergarten sand box.
Yes. I'll tell you when I do.  :-[

9
General Discussion / Re: Dobby's thread.
« on: September 04, 2017, 08:21:53 am »
Hi Jed !!!

I found out something mind-blowing today. I chanced on reading Sam Harris's book 'Waking up'. He spoke about split brains, brains that are surgically split into two, for medical reasons.

1. The right and left brain start acting like two different people. Ask the split-brain person to tell what he wants to be in the future, he says 'draftsman'. Ask him to write down what he wants to be in the future, he writes 'a race car driver.' !!!  :o

2. The split brain subjects, often show disbelief about how their body keeps responding to the instructions of the researchers, while they issue verbal protests.

3. The split-brain guys often argue with themselves. They also sabotage each other's work. Like the left hand draws something and the right hand crumples the paper.

While there can be infinite implications of this, some of the things that I could make out is that:

a. Reading something, and reading aloud, are WAY different. Listening to an audiobook and reading a book mentally will not have the same emotional effect on the person. If there is anything I'll read, I'll read it aloud.

b. Autolysis, works wonders. We will always rationalize, and we think that the person typing/writing is the same person who is thinking is the same. This is far from the truth. In the end, there is no such thing as a person, but the guy who is typing this is not does not even remotely resemble the personality who is talking and acting. By typing myself, and seeing what I am typing, I am literally, biologically, my own guru.

c. Since the split brain guys are 2 people in one body, it would be logical to say the there are an infinite amount of people in mine. Or maybe zero amount of people.

Just some things that I wanted to share. They are true only to a degree, but all very interesting.

There's no question of trusting myself, since there is no me there to be trusted. I have come to trust the patterns of my character's behavior, since I still need to trust something. But even that, I sense is on a shaky foundation.

Abandonment! Yes. In reality, nothing shall be abandoned. Today, I had an experience that I have had many times in life, but never noticed. While sitting on my desk, I felt I must observe my thoughts, and not respond to them, for some while. Immediately the fearful question arose: 'How will you respond if you were called by someone? Who will give the response if your boss calls?'. There. I realized, the there is no one in reality who responds to my boss. The thoughts don't want to lose their continuity. Loss of continuity means loss of perceived control.

There is nothing to abandon. But there is an illusion of control  over an action, which is fueled by the illusion of self-hood.

I have exceeded the word limit, but I am having a hell of a time with this book. :D Lots of understanding it feels good.

Thanks,
Dobby.

10
Hi Jed.

I'm pretty darn sure that this enlightenment/TR stuff is hogwash, with a 1% chance that what you're saying is true.... OK, make it 5%....  ::)

Your reasoning is great... What's the harm? Anyway, the world is full of non-sense, no matter where you go. You have to do something. And your steps look like the worthwhile thing to do. 8)

So yes Jed. I do trust you..... slightly..... :D ;D

Thanks,
Dobby.

11
General Discussion / Re: Dobby's thread.
« on: August 27, 2017, 11:07:59 am »
Hi Jed,

I'm asking this question, because it is really a question.

Why are you so secret? You have always been that way since your first book, and still are pretty private. I understand that people have a way of glorifying, identifying and sticking to their perceived guru. But besides that, what is the benefit to you?

Should I try to do the same thing? Try to be as alone as possible? Not be identified as me, not take credit for anything, have people not recognize me at all?

I mean, what is the advantage? Is there some rich part of life that unknown people enjoy more than people generally known?

I hope you're understanding the utility of my question. I happen to actively seek to be recognized. I have a facebook account. I post my photos for my friends to see. This is mediocre by your standards, but honestly, the kind of life that I know of.

Forgive me if my question is in any way an impertinence. But I don't know why it never occurred to me to ask it.

Thanks,
Dobby.

12
Jed Rants / Re: Jed Rant: About Maya
« on: August 22, 2017, 05:09:35 am »
Hi Jed,

In my experience, Maya was week. In the past 3 years, she only scored self-goals by giving me a hard time. Whenever she gave me a hard time, I would go further.

So she gave me good times, times in which I got all the love and attention that I wanted. But the little bastard kept asking how lasting the happiness and satisfaction would be, so it didn't douse me off completely, and didn't keep me sleepy for long.

I certainly don't know where I am, but Maya, she's not as smart as you make her to be.

Thanks,
Dobby.

13
Jed Rants / Re: Jed Rant, an assault on your memories
« on: August 06, 2017, 12:52:02 am »
I read Jed's rant on this once again and my mind reacted "This is too extreme a view, and by the way, how is this even useful?".  ::)

14
Jed Rants / Re: Jed Rand: Music
« on: August 02, 2017, 03:47:13 am »
Thanks, Jed.  ;D  :-*  :D

I'll listen to it once I reach home. I'm at office now.

15
General Discussion / Re: Dobby's thread.
« on: July 19, 2017, 01:01:57 am »
I am love, plain and simple. I don't love anything. Loving something is a story. I am only love and see only love.

I don't know what love means and I don't know who I am. So basically, I cannot understand what you mean by the above sentence. That's ok. The winds are blowing and the energies are flowing. Maybe I'll get it some day.

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