Throughout my life I 'choose' friends who didn't give a sh.. and I admired them, envied them because I did (give a sh i t) and suffered because of it, not being able to walk the middle road. There were too many contradictions and I couldn't cope with that.
And then he says 'I didn't know there was this dissonance in me' - it was just that, I didn't know. Some people project this on society, I projected this on myself, I was the one that was wrong somehow. It took me long years to get out of this.
I still find that things get clearer, more honest when you turn them inside out, upside down or just listen to the opposite of what's taken as the normal narrative of the day.
It's hard to express these things in english. anyway, I don't care
jacoba