Dear Jed,
I trust you trust it's all the way it is ❤
Weird what I appear to have wanted. Two weeks ago I climbed on a roof of the sauna at our family's cabin. My intention was to fix the pipe, because there were some loose tiles. I got there by ladder but didn't get back to the ladder when it was time to come down, because of the shape of the roof. I thought how to get down and got a brilliant idea: what if I glide down and slow it down a bit with my hands. After all, there will be only like couple meters fall on a soft lawn, what could go wrong? Well, when I dropped, I heard some nice noises from my left ankle and knee and when I tried to step on the foot, the knee went to a weird direction. It turned out that I didn't just sprain my ankle, I also got my first ever fracture just under the knee and it needed a surgery. I got my first ever ride with an ambulance, first ever stay in a hospital and first ever surgery.
What is weird, I was really brisk almost all the time and didn't suffer that much pain either. I managed with quite small amounts of painkillers. I was just trusting all. The surgeon thought that the surgery wouldn't have gone any better yet tjere's a long recovery ahead. My knee and ankle are still swallen and the knee doesn't work that well. I'm allowed to step only with the weight of the foot and I have an orthosis I have to wear at least 6 weeks. A heat wave got here right when I got home and everything is very sweaty. My hands, and the healthy side's ass and knee are having a hard time and everything is difficult. I have to jump up and down the 20 steps on the stais if I want to go out. Walking is really slow and heavy. My smartwatch thinks I'm doing a rowing machine exercise
I wonder why I wanted this. I remember Adya telling that when he woke up he was sick for a long time. He had been a competing cyclist and he thought that being sick kinda burned the athletics identity away. I know I've had this identity of getting along with everything in my life and certainly I haven't been getting along that well these days and it's been tough to swallow. I've also felt strong and I can say that hasn't been my feeling lately. This was also a very effective way to stop me. I don't know is there anything that can really be grasped by mind because it feels there isn't. It appears the life happens somewhere else than in the mind. I guess this will do what it needs to do and it will take time whatever it takes. Half of my left legs skin is numb, my other thigh is numb and at times my hands get numb too when I sleep. I have two wounds, a little one and the bigger around 25cm's long. My knee works poorly and it has barely strength to bend or straighten it even a bit. Yet, I'm not worried at all, I kind of bath in trust.
Btw, it's great to live here. The trip to the hospital, staying there 4 days including a big surgery and taxi to home for like 230km's cost me a little less than 250euros. I think I've had some taxes paid back during this event.
Are you familiar with this kind of phenomenons during the journey?
I wish you and your fellows all the best with recovering from the covid. Hopefully you just got covid but it won't get you.
Love,
Kati
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