Author Topic: Jed Rant: Helping others... eazy peazy  (Read 1000 times)

Jed McKenna

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Jed Rant: Helping others... eazy peazy
« on: May 30, 2017, 11:52:36 pm »
Dear Members, Lurkers, and Friends:

Here is a major step towards H/A. 

Other people's business is just that, their business. When you are in their business no one is minding the store (your store). When no one is minding your store others jump to fill the void and hence run you and your business. Look at it the other way. A friend calls you up with her problems. It's obvious that she has problems because she isn't minding her store. You sense the lack of management and step in to fill the void. Maya/ego loves to offer management temps as it makes her appear indispensable. This all happens in and instant and usually quite subtly.... but it will become more obvious with increased awareness. 

STOP and think about what is really going on. You are being of disservice to her and you. Your store is now empty and her store is being run by you. That is a formula for suffering if I ever heard one.

You have nothing to offer anyone until you realize that you are nothing, and then, just maybe you will be able to offer the universe and more. Realize your True Nature first and then go out and change the world, if you can find one.

Now, on a practical level, what does one do when a friend make a plea for attention (all it usually is)? What to do when you feel a strong urge to assist and guide them?Yes, I do get that this arises from time to time and there is a very easy formula. It requires a rather rare ingredient, trust. Trust that they know what they really want, where they are going and what to do next. They may not sound like they do, but that's just their game. Don't get drawn into it.

Here is the magic formula, but I warn you, it's deceptively simple while usually difficult as heck to do.

1. Learn how to shut up. Don't finish their sentences, don't jump to conclusions, relax and breathe. I can assure you that they aren't and you might just help in that one simple action.
2. ONLY ASK QUESTIONS... ONLY! And that is going to be the hard part. Do not ask questions to meet your agenda (as best you can) and don't fail to ask questions just because you ''think'' you might receive an uncomfortable answer. The goal is to gentle get them to reflect on their world.

Until you are, at a minimum H/A and preferably T/R, everything you do will have some degree of Maya/ego contamination, it can't be avoided. By focusing on questions, you have a much better chance of being of some service, PLUS, you might just learn something. While this is just a marvelous dream, learning is always fun. and learning about this thing called ''you'' is the most fun, in my experience.

One more point. Sometimes friend A will call you and, vicariously, attempt to enroll you in solving friend B's problems. This is a real formula for disaster. Change the subject immediately and (I strongly suggest) find a more mature friend. In fact, I think it's wise to always be seeking mature friends, but as you mature you will find that you draw more mature beings to you.... less drama and childish silliness.

Let me know how it goes, if you feel so inclined.

Love ya, Jed


« Last Edit: June 13, 2017, 02:06:49 am by Jed McKenna »

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TRN

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2017, 12:58:22 am »
Right in time. Thanks

Bert

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2017, 02:20:12 am »
Can we the wise guys on this forum talk about what im doing? I dont try to help others ( mostly) , I use their perceived issue (perceived by me) to help me, to prop my path futher up to be visible and even give them vague vague advice so that i can dissect it for the reason of why the hell am i saying stuff like that. That's what I used to do...

Lately... I see some are muuch wiser than me  :o. Im at most a interesting fool in others lives. Not sure how they see me.

So I start out specifically by trying always to get others to mind my store, use them as a whiteboard to ping my own feelings off, seeing if they resonate with what my intuition is telling me. Intuition?? What the hell.

Jed McKenna

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2017, 04:25:54 am »
Hi Bert:

Thanks for your post and sharing. If something works for you, then I am all for it.

Sounds to me like you are constantly learning and modelling that out.. sounds just fine.

Love ya, Jed.
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pink mist

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2017, 07:50:05 am »
Spot-on, Jed.

1 and 2 are the quintessential components of quality (in the Robert Pirsig sense of the word) therapeutic counselling and constitute possibly the greatest service you could offer someone seeking advice of a personal nature. A method to minimise egoic interference is to make the questions as reflective of the speaker's own words as possible, to minimise distortion. The art comes in doing it without overtly parroting their speech.




Frits

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2017, 10:43:46 am »
So? Only ask questions, 'ey? And how does that work for you, Jed?  ::)  ;)  ;D  :P

j(

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2017, 04:43:29 pm »
"Helping others" makes me sleepy.

pink mist

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2017, 07:09:17 pm »
"Helping others" makes me sleepy.
Yeah, nothing drains the well faster than the thought of "being helpful".

I'm more a fan of "...why are we talking?" :)

know1

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2017, 07:22:44 pm »
Well said Jed.

My daughter called yesterday to exclaim that for the first time she was able to "sit back and watch her crazy mind run through a myriad of delusions and assumptions without latching onto any particular one". She was so excited because for the first time she could see a pathway off of the anti-anxiety and psychotropic meds her "doctor" had been prescribing.

I listened, whatever she does is perfect, but somehow this conversation felt just a tad more perfect.  ;)

Jed McKenna

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #9 on: June 01, 2017, 12:17:10 am »
Hi Frits:

Maybe I didn't go into another point deeply enough ... when there is little or no ego the dynamic changes dramatically. With no ''you'' helping nobody you are free to do what ever arises. You will find ego-free communications are.... just that, ego free, and hence of a much different quality. An ego-based assistance will contain threads of drama which will eventually metastasize and be a dis-service in the end.

Love ya, Jed

Love ya, Jed.
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FormerSeeker

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #10 on: June 01, 2017, 12:05:22 pm »
"An ego-based assistance will contain threads of drama which will eventually metastasize and be a dis-service in the end."

Just logged on to say I like this sentence.  It's elegant and I like the choice of words.

j(

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #11 on: June 02, 2017, 12:56:53 pm »
"I am come as Time, the ultimate waster of people, ready for the
hour that ripens to their doom. The warriors, arrayed in hostile
armies facing each other, shall not live, whether you strike or stay
your hand."
 
8)

abrakamowse

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #12 on: June 08, 2017, 01:45:16 pm »
Thanks Jed, I was needing this post.
:-)

mariam

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2017, 10:05:20 am »
i'm back to just before 1.

stop. think. realize i am nothing. trust.

learn to shut up. don't jump to conclusions. relax. breathe.

notice awareness of awareness.

ask only questions.

next thing to let go?

Jed McKenna

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Re: Jed Rand: Helping others... eazy peazy
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2017, 10:36:35 am »
Doing that is sufficient.... so how is it going?

Love ya, Jed