For now, I feel like when imagining my moment of death, I seem to be ok with "letting go" most of the worldly life and pursuits and fears.
It's "living" that's... stimulating(?) me to create, to pursuit and to fear. Why? I can think of a couple of reasons hypotheses but I'm not bothering with things can't be proven.
Just a thought, the death or living here might refer to the survival of "me" in the egoic sense as well as in the bodily sense.
In the bodily sense...I'm going to die someday. Fact. Actually somehow kind of glad it is that way.
Which means me in the egoic sense will too die someday for certain, be it any day, earlier or later than the bodily death.
So why really to get all hung up on maintaining "me"? I don't know, it's almost automatic, like there is an invisible force pushing me(me what?) towards an illusion of ego. And boy does "me" take a lot of energy to maintain. Maybe it's like that when something is untrue, like occam's razor reversed, the more "illusional" something is, the more amount of energy is required to maintain it? Just another thought.
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