Hi Jed:
First of all, thanks for the Course in Miracles (Manifesting)!
Second of all, wanted to share an experience of mine. Did a presentation last week, on literary studies (supposed to sound like science, but actually can't pass for science's retarded cousin) for a conference.
The presentation itself is not the point, it was all blah-blah, but not totally bereft of interesting stuff, gotta admit. Still, wanted to talk about how I prepared this presentation. Got myself into postmodern philosophy, which first sounded fresh but then quickly became boring and self-referencing. So I was sitting there, creating slide after slide, and only now do I notice how it really went on.
I was pretending I was a human - a smart post-grad student, that was the character. It seemed it began with mind (trained with years of S/A) saying that what I was trying to do was outright baloney. Hard not to agree with that. It was basically: "Look at this smart dude, he's done that. Look at this picture, it's supposed to mean that". And mind was like: "Nah, it doesn't mean anything". So I told myself a story: "So, XXXX, you gotta pretend you know something for the sake of getting the article published, which doesn't matter of course, but it will help you in the future, but it won't actually, there is no future... But, you know, there is this game that people play and in the spirit of being a good bud you can play along, you know, like people do... Why? How am I supposed to know?"
For some reason, though, I kept on it, because I didn't really have an argument against it. Yes, it's kinda silly. Yes, it might not be even interesting for a lot of people (half of the audience were tired students, who came there only to escape their normal classes). But in the end, it all comes down to interchanging emotional states, I can do nothing about it. At least there is a greater chance to feel more alive presenting something in front of an audience, than just doing nothing. So I decided to go with it. Cost me some nerves of course. In Maya's luna park nerves are tickets that you use to ride the attractions. I hope something is left from me to enjoy T/R. Uh... No. Hope nothing is left.
And so I continue to ride the waves of everyday absurdity.
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